The timing in which people enter your life is very important.

20^th February 2015

Among the pink bedsheets, a girl laid still in the fetus position. Her body was sore and numb from the lack of movements for the past few hours but she couldn’t bring herself to move; nothing kills her like her mind. The more she thought, the more she felt like crying. For the past few days, she was drowning in her thoughts.

She could no longer remember who she was before the world told her who she should be. She was stuck between who she is, who she wants to be, and who she should be. Haewon didn’t exist and Jieun is the space between what she likes to be and what the Kim family made of her.

How could Jongin do this to her? He told her that she was special, that she meant the world to him, that she made him the happiest on earth, that he would never hurt her, that he would always be here for her but he lied and she believed. When she said she would take a bullet for him, she didn’t intend for him to be the one to pull the trigger.

Wiping her tears, Jieun pushed herself up. She staggered into the bathroom and let the cold water numbed her from head to toe. She sat under the shower, her head buried in her knees as she cried her eyes out. It drove her crazy that she loves Jongin more than he loves her, and all of the things they had meant nothing. It was a façade created by Jongin, including her.

She really wanted to forget how Jongin’s touch felt like, how he smelt like, how he walked, how his smile looked like, how his kiss tasted and how his voice sounded. She really wanted to but she couldn’t. The more she tried, the more she missed him; how they sleep with their arms and legs entangled, and how she knew she could spend her entire life in the nook of her neck as the morning light seeps in.

Since she couldn’t forget, she imagined how it would be if she could wash him off. His words, his laughter, memories of him and all the thoughts about him. Everything streaming into the drain, away from her. Jieun knew she would never feel clean again because as upset and as angry as she was, she still misses Jongin.

And it made her feel pathetic.

After drying herself, she walked over to the laptop and keyed in the password Jiyong had given her. The room was quiet and it was when the silence like this gets too loud, she starts to miss everyone; Jongin, Hyein, Saein, Aunt Kim and Uncle Kim.

Jieun scrolled through the webpage and the news was all over the website. A dispatch report had turned into a police case and raging fans of Big Bang found evidences of Jieun and Haewon’s striking similarity, releasing secretly taken photo of the latter and Jiyong 2 years ago. Others condemned Jongin of his ruthless act and attempt to cover it by protesting outside SM Entertainment. The 2 biggest fandoms were in chaos.

As she scrolled through it with her tightly clenched fist, she stopped at a picture. Her tears trickling from her eyes instinctively.

Jongin and his family were seen walking out of the police station. His cap couldn’t cover his bloodshot eyes and the Kim sisters looked exceptionally pale. Saein was holding onto her mother who seemed to have lost a lot of weight. Uncle Kim who seemed to have aged a lot in a few days was held by his son-in law. And that moment she broke down entirely.

It really was truly messed up when she could still feel the warmth of their memories when Jongin had killed her in the worst way because she is still alive, and deeply in love with him when she was supposed to hate him.

“Are you awake?” A knock on her door pulled Jieun back to reality and she switched off the laptop quickly. Wiping her tears away, she pulled open the door to see Jiyong standing before her.

“I’ve prepared breakfast. Come and eat.” Jiyong greeted her warmly and led her to the table that was filled with her favourite food just like the past few days had. When he saw her sitting opposite him, eyes glancing at the food, he was so happy that tears blurred his vision right away.

But in Jieun’s head, it was filled Jongin’s smile. Even when she was surrounded by pictures of Jiyong and her in every corner of this house, she couldn’t take her mind off him. And when she looked up to see Jiyong’s doting gaze, guilt pricked her conscious. She was in a relationship with Jiyong for 2 years and she felt nothing but she was in a relationship with Jongin for 2 monts and feel everything. Time is not a measure of quality; of infactuation, or of love anymore.

“I’m sorry for imposing on you these few days.” Jieun broke the silence and apologized when she noticed his dark circles underneath his eyes. He had voluntarily slept on the couch because of her sudden appearance in his life again.

“No, you are not imposing at all!” Shaking his head hardly, Jiyong hope that it would clear her doubt. For the past few days, she is the last thing he sees when he goes to sleep and the first thing he sees when he wakes up. He gets to sit with her and stay close to her. He had been waiting so long for this so he wants to make moments like this last for as long as possible.

“Can.. I ask you for a last favour?” Jieun asked and looked up at him.

“Of.. of course!”

“Can you help me find a place so I can live on my own?” Jieun bit her lower lips. “I.. just want to be alone for some time but I don’t have any money to go elsewhere…”

With his widened eyes, Jiyong started to panic when he heard that she wanted to leave once again. “You are really not imposing!”

“If you wants to be alone, I can always go to Taeyang’s house and stay!”

“Please don’t leave.”

Shaking her head, Jieun closed her eyes painfully. Jiyong doesn’t understand and she can’t explain how strange is it that after all that they had shared, they are strangers again. “I just want to be alone.”

“Can you just send me away?”

“Please, Jiyong-ssi.”

Jiyong gripped the chopsticks in his hand tightly. The longest distance on earth is not from north to south but when he sits in front of his Haewon but she still couldn’t see him. She didn’t call him Ji, but Jiyong-ssi. His heart hurt so bad that he felt like dying.

Forcing out a smile, he asked lightly. “Will you be happier there?”

Jieun looked at him, unsure of what to reply but through her eyes, Jiyong saw her sadness that tore his heart further. He would do anything to take away that sadness and make her happy again.

Because if Haewon is happy, he would be happy too.

I will be pausing all fics for a while till I finish Mnem. This story is finishing in 2 to 3 chapters.

Thank you for your questions for the cast and please keep it coming!

I am currently looking for more questions for Haewon and Jieun!

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