We mature with the damage, not with the years.

24^th December 2014

A man in his early 30s burst through the room, banging open the door. His eyebrows furrowed at the overwhelming odour. He didn’t even have to look down at what was beneath his feet to figure out that it was cigarette butts. Stepping over them, he walked over to the bed where a younger was sprawled over it, topless and almost lifeless.

“Take a look at this yourself.” He threw the brown envelope down and Jiyong opened his eyes slowly. However his hands didn’t move to take the envelope. The bloodshot eyes just stared through him.

“I said, take a look at it!!” Grabbing him up, his manager held him by his shoulders and shoved the envelope in his face.

“Look at this Kwon Jiyong!!” Dongjun shouted angrily, but pain was ripping his heart to see his friend in this state. Even though he had been with him for less than 2 years, he knew everything that had happened. Why G-dragon stopped producing songs, why G-dragon no longer attend fashion events and why G-dragon no longer wore his gummy smile that fans love so much.

Because both Jiyong and G-dragon disappeared with Haewon.

“She is not your Haewon!!” Dongjun pulled open the envelope and took out the document. “She is Kim Jieun! Exo’s Kai cousin!”

With the mention of Haewon’s name, Jiyong’s eyes rolled over to the paper before him right away. But it took him less than a minute to close it again, tears running down. Crying is how his body speaks when his mouth could no longer explain the pain he feels.

It was getting harder for him to believe in anything. How was it possible that someone who looked exactly like Haewon wasn’t her? And how was it possible that she was Kai’s cousin? Haewon didn’t had any cousin. Haewon doesn’t have any twin sister either.

“Jiyong..” Dongjun called him in an almost begging voice. Ever since Jiyong met the Jieun girl who resembled Haewon so much, he locked himself in this dark room. He remembered that day where he had to hold on to him who was crying and begging the girl not to leave. If he wasn’t there in time to stop him, Jiyong would probably go after her and create an even bigger scene backstage. His comeback was badly affected because he wasn’t in the right state to perform.

“It’s gonna be okay. Everything is just a phase.”

“You will get over Haewon.”

“Gonna be okay?” Jiyong laughed hysterically while his trembling hands lit up another stick of cigarette, “Yeah, because it’s not happening to you.”

Nobody would ever understand how he had become so used to a person. Her scent, her laughter and the way she says his name. And when it all disappears from one day to another, how was he not supposed to care when she was all he ever needed in life?

“And don’t tell me it’s just a phase!”

“I’ve been sad for 2 ing years. This isn’t just a phase.”

He used to believe that people needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. He used to have Haewon whenever he makes music and at the end of the day, to return to her arms.

And when he lost all 3 at once, there was no way he would be happy again.

No way.

-

Jieun scrolled through her phone and jotted something down on her notebook excitedly.

“Ishigaki Island.” She repeated the island’s name to herself with a soft smile, trying to memorize the place where she could watch the sunset when she goes to Okinawa the coming weekend. However, something flashed pass her, distracting her from what she was doing as she fell into a daze. Before her, she saw a male’s crying face and she could hear his helpless begging, asking her to stay as she ran her fingers over her hands where he held unknowingly. Biting her lower lips, her nose turned sour instinctively.

“What are you doing?” Kai looked at the girl who was holding on to her pencil and spacing out.

“Oh?” Jieun snapped out of her thoughts and blinked her tears away quickly. This had been the case since she met him that day, she didn’t know why but the sight of the man crying makes her heart feels so heavy. And the thought of his tears draws her own tears too. His crestfallen face had been haunting her since that day.

“Nothing.”

Kai put her favourite latte in front of her and sat beside her, his eyes glanced at her notebook right away. Under the word Okinawa, there were a few things she wrote down as her to do list. He couldn’t help but to heave a sigh of relief inwardly. Ever since her meeting with G-dragon the other day, he had been living in fear. He was so scared that she would suddenly remember who she is, and that he was the one who knocked her down. Most importantly, he didn’t like the idea of her returning back as Haewon. The name Jieun suited her innocent face much better. Now, he could finally piece the gummy smile of the headless man in her old phone that he saw and he could almost figure out their relationship.

“Okinawa?” Kai asked her gently, glad that she showed no signs of remembering anything. He made a mental note to avoid G-dragon especially when Jieun would be with him. He was going to hold on tight to whatever he had now, never to let go again. “Planing where to go already?”

Nodding her head, Jieun’s eyes twinkled in excitement. She couldn’t wait to share these awesome places with Jongin. If possible, she wanted to ask him along too. She was pretty sure that he would enjoy himself there. “I wanna visit some places. And Sehun said he will bring me there!”

“Do you want to come along?”

“Se..hun?” Kai’s asked Jieun weirdly. They were not allowed to step out of their hotels when they were overseas. He was aware that Sehun and Jieun are close but for him to risk getting caught by fans and their management made him feel that there was more to it.

“Yeah. Sehun and I are going out.” Jieun replied innocently, giving Kai quite a shock at her bluntness.

“Do.. you know what that means?” He asked carefully. With her innocence, he was somewhat sure that she had no idea what that meant.

“Yeah I know.” Jieun replied confidently, “Going out like friends.”

“Right?”

“Uhmmm.” Kai hummed a reply, unsure of how to explain to her as he busked in the realization of Sehun liking Jieun.

“Jongin, do you happen to know who Haewon is? Is she an artist?”

Her words struck him hard as he froze in his seat. His breadth got caught in his chest, unsure of what to reply. He knew she trusted him with all of her and  sometimes he wondered if everything was easier if Jieun knows the truth. But it was not easy. If anyone ever tells him that it is an easy thing to speak the truth, he would definitely tell him that he had never tried it. Because at moments like this, he just couldn’t open his mouth to utter a single word.

“I think I must have looked like her or else that guy wouldn’t have mistaken me for her…”

“Jieun.”

That moment, Kai couldn’t be any more glad to have Sunye interrupt them. He could once again avoid that dreaded question.

“This weekend you are staying in Korea instead. There’s some stuff you need to settle.”

“Oh.. Okay.”

“Why can’t she come with us?” Kai caught the sparkle that disappeared from Jieun’s eyes, and he saw how her shoulders slumped. He didn’t like that side of her. “Can she do the work after we come back?”

“No she can’t and Jongin, follow me now.” Sunye seethed in anger as she beckoned over to the other end of the room. When they were a safe distant from the table then she spoke lowly and angrily. “Did you forget that she’s not Kim Jieun?”

“We gave her a new identity but that doesn’t mean that we have the capability to give her new passport!”

“Don’t ask for too much Kim Jongin, we spent a lot of money cleaning up this huge mess already.”

Nodding his head, Kai could only keep quiet as he secretly stole a look at Jieun. From where he was, he saw how she looked at her to do list dejectedly with a soft sigh.

“Make sure your family looks after her.” Sunye warned him seriously, “I don’t want similar incident like what happened a few days ago to happen again.”

“Neh.”

Walking back to where he came from, he caught a glimpse of her notebook. She had already striked her to do list off. Disappointment was written all over her face.

“Don’t be sad.”

Forcing out a smile that never quite reached her eyes, Jieun shook her head. She had been looking forward to her first overseas trip so much and it was hard not to be. But she didn’t want to put Jongin in a difficult spot. “I’m not.”

Kai looked at the girl before him, he felt sorry that he was both her rain and umbrella. He was the one who caused her so much misery but he wants to start taking them all away, by making her smile; because she got one of the most beautiful smile he had ever seen whenever she smiles.

“I will bring you to watch the sunset after I come back.”

Instantly, Jieun’s eyes lit up as she grabbed his arms excitedly. “Really? Where?”

Mirroring after her, a cheerful grin spread across his face as he forgot about all the negative feelings he bore. The thought of the place he was going to bring her filled his head as he held her hand on his instinctively.

“Somewhere off Seoul but I promise it would be as good as Okinawa.”

“Or even better.”

Happy Chinese New Year everybody! I managed to squeeze this chapter out while I was studying last week. 

Doubt I would be able to update the other fics next week so I guess I will be on hiatus for around a week plus or so?

Enjoy this chapter and see ya all in a week's time!