Your gut feelings are usually correct, because they represent the processing of complex information that your logical mind usually cannot process.

22^nd December 2014

You know I dreamt about you

For twenty-six years before I saw you

You know I dreamt about you

I missed you for, for twenty-six years.

It was 4.37am. And Jiyong was feeling dark, alone and numb as he was enclosed by pure darkness in the recording studio. The only lights that were on came from the computer screen. He listened to the song he self-composed, losing count of how many times he was playing this song that was dedicated to her. He wrote the lyrics, made the music and even sang the song himself. Well, that was the only thing he could do anyway. He could only write about her because he could not have her. At least in songs, her heart will always be his.

It only takes this one song to bring back all the memories he had and he gets a lump in his throat everytime he remembers that they would never stay up until the sunrise talking ever again. Why was breathing so hard when she wasn’t around?

The only thing that managed to pull him up and brought a smile to his face even with all the dripping tears on his swollen face was the thought of her laughter. That one picture he have of her on his phone where her arms were around him. In his dark times, that was what kept him sane. Cha Haewon, and only her. The person who drove him into insanity in the first place.

There was no way he would give up searching for her. He will never stop trying, because when people find the one, they never give up. Since he had tried all the methods legally and he still couldn’t find her, maybe, the underworld would be able to help him.

With this new song, he was confident that he was going to make a huge sum of money. But when he goes to find her in the underworld, it wasn’t going to be just involving money. Be it smuggling drugs or smuggling arms, he was willing to do it as long as Haewon comes back to him.  Sometimes he wants what he wants even if he knows it’s going to kill him. But he would still keep his promise to her and not touch drugs. He would not be addicted to drugs, he could never anyway. He was already addicted to her smile, to her smell and her voice that was a far more lethal substance.

“Stop it.” Jiyong felt his Vodka bottle being snatched away roughly, his shirt getting drenched from the alcohol. He didn’t even have to look up to see who was the owner of the voice. “Why are you still drinking alcohol? I thought I told you to stop?”

Shrugging his shoulders, he gave a smile. A smile that was so wide that it made Taeyang cringe.

“For fun.” Jiyong laughed hysterically because when overwhelming sadness comes rushing in, that was when he misses her the most. He needs to talk to her and he needs her to care about him. There was no release, he feels her in his dreams. But in his dreams, she was his. In his life, she had become a dream.

“Nobody drinks a bottle of vodka for fun, and that’s a damn fact.” Taeyang scolded him. Judging from his bloodshot eyes and growing moustache, it was obvious that he was torturing himself again. He was scared to lose his best friend. Haewon had already taken his heart with her disappearance and he really hoped that he wouldn’t let her take his life too.

In anger, he switched off the main switch and the studio fell into a complete silence and darkness. “Go home Jiyong.”

“Home?” With tears running down his eyes, he asked. “Where do you go when your house isn’t home?”

“When you lose someone who’s your home, your only home in the world, you would go like oh , I should’ve had a backup home. Another person, or place, or thing. Something to make me feel safe and now I don’t have that so I’m lost.”

“You see,” he concluded, “if she was just anybody I could get over it, no matter how much I loved her. But she isn’t”

“So if I die, please tell her that I love her.”

-

“What are you doing?”

Right after he finished his sentence, the girl in front of him jumped and stepped back immediately. He swiftly held onto her so she wouldn’t trip and fall.

“Sehun!” Jieun turned around, surprised to see Sehun before her. It was Kai’s weekly music show recording and the Exo members came to visit him when he first held his comeback already. “What are you doing here?”

“To visit Jongin.” Sehun lied. To be exact, it was to visit her of course. It was the only excuse he could come up with to see her without raising suspicion between the staffs. “Have you eaten?”

Nodding her head, Jieun replied with a smile. “Yupp. You?”

“Yeah, same.” Sehun replied gently, “Excited for next week?”

“Next week?” Jieun thought hard about what was on Kai’s schedule.

“You’re so forgetful.” Knocking his knuckles on her forehead lightly, Sehun scolded. “We are going Okinawa for concert remember?”

“Right! Okinawa!” Jieun’s eyes lit up the moment he mentioned about going abroad. It would be her first time going overseas in the 2 years that she was ‘born’ and she really couldn’t wait. The thought of taking a plane simply excites her already.

It wasn’t difficult for Sehun to see the twinkle in her eyes. He himself was excited for the trip too. For the coming short weekend, he had picked out a couple of places to bring her and he wanted to start building memories with her right there. “Go online and see where you wanna go. I will bring you.”

“Really? You will?” Jieun grabbed Sehun’s arms and asked excitedly, like a kid going on a school trip for the first time. However, before they could converse further, someone interrupted them.

“Jieun, Kai’s looking for you.” One of the staff approached them and told her. “He wants you to do his makeup.”

“Okay, I’m coming.” Jieun let go of Sehun’s arms and walked away quickly, waving at Sehun as she approached Kai. “See you later Sehun!”

Waving his hand moodily with a forced smile, he mumbled lowly, angry that he could not even give her a reply.

“Damn you Kai.”

-

With his closed eyes, Kai could feel the girl’s hands shivering as she patted powder on his face gently. And when her fingers brushed his eyebrows, he felt the coldness beneath her fingertips that made him open his eyes right away.

“Don’t be so nervous Jieun.” Kai looked up at the girl who was trying to hide her jittery by biting her lower lips. “Trust me, I will definitely get first place today.”

“Really?” Jieun asked with her eyebrows furrowed. It had been a week since Kai’s comeback and he was norminated for the first place today. She had been feeling nervous since yesterday night but as the time to the release of the results draws nearer, she could feel her stomach tying into an even knitted knot. She saw how hard he had been practising and she really wanted him to come in first today. In her eyes, he deserved that award.

Pretending to be sad, Kai gave a frown. “You don’t trust me?”

“No no! I do.” Jieun cleared up right away, “I trust you.”

“Then will you buy me a coffee now?”

“Iced or Hot?”

“Hot.”

“Okay!”

“Please buy one for yourself too.” Kai instructed. He wanted her to warm up but he knew better that the girl would never leave his side unless it was to run an errand given by him. Before she could give any excuse, he told her firmly. “It’s an order Jieun.”

“Yes sir!” The girl saluted playfully before pushing the doors of the waiting room and made her way towards the vending machine. Jongin told her to trust him, and he had never failed her. Taking in a deep breadth to calm herself down, she pushed the button on the vending machine to dispense 2 cups of coffee before making her way back to the waiting room.

“Hae.. Haewon?”

“Haewon!”

Jieun glanced at the lady who was raising her voice in the empty corridoor giving her weird looks before turning away again. Just when she turned around the corner, she felt someone spun her around suddenly and she was staring right into a person’s eyes.

“Wo…Won…” Jiyong choked out with tears b up his eyes, pulling the girl into a tight hug. The coffee in the girl’s hands instinctively dropped to the ground, staining his white branded jeans. But that moment, he couldn’t care less about anything else.

“You’re finally back..”

The moment everyone had been waiting for! *jeng jeng jeng*

Shall not say anything more. Hehe.

Enjoy!