Sometimes the past needed to stay buried; it was the way you could move on. And sometimes you had to dig it up, because that too was the only way.

22^nd December 2014

 “Ji….Ji yong!”

The doors of G-dragon’s waiting room was burst open and a lady stood outside it, holding her chest as she called out desperately.

“Ji.. Ji.. Jiyong!!”

However, compared to her flustered calling, the male showed no expression on his face. He didn’t even turn at his name being called. He remained still on the couch, his phone with Haewon as his wallpaper was tightly clutched in his hand. His mind was filled with her in their room, the feel of her, the light in the window, his records, her books, their morning coffee, their noons, their nights, their bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Her leg, his leg, her arm, his arm, her smile and the warmth of her who made him laugh had become a memory for him to reminisce.

“Hae..”

“Ha.. Hae..”

“I.. I.. saw… Hae.. Haewon!”

With the mention of her name, his eyes widened and he turned his head sharply, unsure if he heard the right thing.

“Hae.. Haewon.” The lady panted as she pointed to the corridoor outside and Jiyong sprang out of his seat instinctively. His eyes frantically searching every corner of the corridoor, scanning everyone that he passed by carefully as he ran as fast as he could, afraid that he would miss her. Till he reached a corner, then he saw a familiar looking backview. The backview that hadn’t leave his mind for a moment since the past 2 years. Tears welled up his eyes right away as he ran towards her with his might, he couldn’t afford to let her slip by again.

When Jiyong spun the girl around, his heart pounded against his chest so hardly that he could hear it himself. He was so afraid that it wasn’t Haewon, but someone who simply resembled her so much. How many times did he do this? Going after backviews that resembled Haewon to find out that it wasn’t her but none of them made him this afraid. Little did he know that fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.

Because right when the girl turned around, he finally saw the person he had been dying to see. His Wonnie.

“Wo…Won…” Jiyong pulled the girl into a hug desperately, pressing her tightly into his embrace. His arms around her locked her so tightly that as if he was to loosen it, she would disappear. With tears running down his eyes, he choked out in between his sobs.

“You’re finally back..”

-

“Kai!”

“Kai!!”

The male lifted his eyes from his book that Jieun bought for him and looked at his manager that was shouting for him. His eyebrows furrowing right away, it was rare for his manager to be this panicky. From his corner of his eyes, he could also see Sehun furrowing his eyebrows before they looked at one another and Sehun shrugged his shoulders.

“This person is hugging Jieun, refusing to let go!”

“Jieun is struggling and…” Before he could finish his sentence, two males ran out of the waiting room, one after another. Kai ran as fast as he could, his mind was filled with ways on how to save Jieun. When he reached there, he saw how a man was pressing Jieun tightly into his body. There were a few other people around him but none of them helped Jieun and it made Kai’s blood boil. He could see her helplessness, trying to push him away frantically.

When Sehun reached the scene, he was a step too late. He could only watch how Kai forcefully tore the couple away in rage. His eyes then drifted to Jieun, he saw how her reddened eyes widened when she saw Kai.

“Jong.. Jongin.” Jieun called his name with her shaky voice. She didn’t know why did this guy hug her and no matter how she pushed him away, he refused to let go.

“I’m here Jieun.” Kai comforted the trembling girl as he put her behind him safely, separating her from the guy. Jieun’s hands instinctively held onto his shirt around his waist and he held onto them tightly, trying to comfort her. “You are okay, you’re safe.”

“It’s me Won..”

“It’s me Ji..”

“I’m Jiyong-ah, Haewon…”

Instinctively, Kai froze at the mention of the name as he felt his breadth got caught in his chest. That moment, nothing haunts him like things he didn’t say as memories of how the doctor recited her name at the hospital flashed before him. With his trembling hand that was holding onto Jieun’s, he looked up at the male and he widened his eyes. G-dragon knows Haewon.

“Won.. I’m your Ji.. why are you so scared of me?” Jiyong was crying as he asked the girl who was hiding behind Kai, afraid to even lift her head to look at him. He didn’t understand why was Haewon avoiding him and why was she so scared of his touch. She used to love it whenever he hugs her, and she never fails to break into a smile that gives Jiyong the energy to last through the day.

Panicking, Jiyong took  a step towards her, his hand reaching out for her. “Won..”

But Jieun instinctively retreated a step backwards. Her hands clutching tightly on Kai’s clothes, pulling him along with her. She avoided his gaze at all cost as she continued to seek safety behind Kai. With an almost begging voice, she pleaded. “Jongin.. I.. I don’t want to stay here..”

“Please.. take.. me away from here.”

“He is scary.”

Kai snapped out of his thoughts when he felt her tug on his clothes and he squeezed her hand to reassure her. His first instinct was to take her away from G-dragon as far away as possible. Bowing to the older male, he calmed himself down and told him. “Sorry Sunbae, I think you recognized the wrong person.”

With that, Kai brought the crying girl away and Jiyong could only watch the girl he loves the most walked away in the arms of another man without even looking at his face. He felt his heart break. He could feel it, every beat was another ache, and there was nothing he could do will stop it, either from beating or breaking.

Nobody will know how much it hurts to see the person he cares about more than anything else in world, pass right by him like he wasn’t even there.

And he could only stand there with shaky hands and tears in his eyes, asking himself what was he going to do when the best part of her was always her? What was he supposed to say when he was all choked up and she was okay?

Because when he found her, he lost her. And every candle, every prayer was not going to make up for the fact that the only thing that she had left him was another hole in his heart.

Updates would be a little slower this month! Chinese New Year is coming and I have 3 papers this semester. /: I will try my best to write! 

Enjoy!