The first kiss is the last to be forgotten.

4^th February 2007

Haewon stared at the Math questions in front of her and they stared right back at her, she couldn’t seem to register any of the symbols on her workbook. Tapping her pencil on her chin, she mentally recalled the last time she saw Jiyong. It had almost been a week.

He wasn’t there whining when she didn’t pack extra food for him, he wasn’t waiting for her outside the YG building, asking her to hide him when she leaves, and he wasn’t accompanying her to the mall anymore. He simply disappeared into thin air overnight.

“I must be crazy.” Haewon scolded herself when she realized that he was thinking about him again. She was not supposed to care about him, she was not supposed to live her life wishing he was here. She was not supposed to wonder where he was or what he did. But strangely, every single thing he ever did that bothered her, was every single thing she missed and she unknowingly fell into a daze again.

“Won!”

“Ahh!” The girl screamed when someone burst through the door, catching her by surprise. “Oppa! You scare the hell out of me!”

“Didn’t you hear me knock?” Kiwon walked into her room and peered over her shoulders to see her doing her homework diligently. A proud smile spread across his face as he ruffled her hair. “Aigoo, my little sister is so hardworking.”

“Stop it!” Haewon whacked her brother’s hand away and stared at her brother crossly. She really hated people touching her hair. “Why are you back? Aren’t you supposed to stay in the dorm?”

“Well.. I came back to ask you something.”

“What is it?” Haewon asked weirdly, what was the thing that her brother wanted to ask that made her brother came all the way home?

“Haewon, tell Oppa honestly where is Jiyong.”

“Ji… yong?”

“Don’t you dare lie to me.”

“I…” The girl opened to speak before biting her lower lips when subconsciously she replied her brother, wishing that she knew where he was.

“Won, I know Jiyong had been following you everywhere and that includes accompanying you to the mall.”

“But he is getting out of hand. Not only did he run away from practice, he ran away from the dorm also. He hasn’t come back to the dorm for a week and he didn’t even turn up for any of the practice. He ignores all of our phonecall and the evaluation is next week! If he doesn’t come back by then he will get cut off for sure.”

“Help me ask him to come back please?” Kiwon begged his sister. If there were one person who could bring the runaway Jiyong back, it would definitely be his sister.

“That idiot really likes you a lot to skip training to go out with you.” He mumbled, but the girl heard it.

It then struck Haewon his lack of words and empty eyes when she last saw him last week, and that sudden hug, he was bidding goodbye to her wasn’t he? “I don’t know where is.”

“Really?”

Nodding her head, Haewon turned her head back to her books as she stared at it, unable to register a single thing again. Her brother’s words on how Jiyong had run away kept ringing in his head. “Yeah, really.”

From her face, Kiwon knew that his sister wasn’t lying. She looked too lost in her own world to be telling a lie. “You like Jiyong don’t you?”

“No I don’t.” Haewon replied instinctively to defend herself.

“Jiyong is a nice guy. He sweet talks and flirts around a lot but he has never gone on a date with any of them. But ever since he told me that he likes you, he stopped talking to all the girls. He doesn’t even respond to them unless it’s about work.”

“But Jiyong is a little lost now. He needs someone to guide him back. Someone who would stay by him and shine the torch for him towards the road to stardom.”

“Oppa, I want to study.” Haewon cleared and picked up her pencil to distract herself. She needed to stop thinking about Jiyong so her chest would stop feeling so heavy.

“Okay. Study hard.” Standing up with a sigh, Kiwon ruffled her sister’s hair once again before leaving her room. As he walked to the living room, he thought of places where his best friend could be. He had tried his house but his sister said that he didn’t return home and now even Haewon had no idea where he was, he didn’t know what to do.

“Kiwon, eat before you… yah! Cha Haewon where are you going?!” Kiwon turned at his mother’s screaming to see his sister putting on her shoes by the door.

“Cha Haewon!! You are underage and it’s already 10pm! Where are you going?!”

“Yahhh!”

As Mrs Cha screamed her lungs out, the girl ran out hurriedly and slammed the door shut behind her. With a smile, Kiwon comforted his mother.

“Don’t worry Mom, Jiyong will take good care of her.”

-

The lift door to the 9^th floor opened and Haewon stepped out hurriedly as her eyes searched for unit 06 immediately. Standing outside the unit, she took in a deep breadth and mentally cursed Jiyong. He must have chanted his address so many times that it had imprinted in her head unknowingly.

“Hi, can I look for Ji..yong?” Haewon asked the lady before her, finding awkward to mention his name as she had never really called him by his name before.

“Jiyong?” Dami, Jiyong’s sister eyed the young girl up and down, quite sure that she was much younger than his brother. “You are?”

“I’m.. his friend.”

“Oh, Jiyong is not a home so you all can stop looking for him here already.” With that, Dami closed the door shut before her face gave away signs that she was lying. Her brother had instructed her not to tell anyone his whereabouts.

Feeling dejected, Haewon walked towards the bus stop moodily. Where exactly would he be if he wasn’t home? She asked herself mentally as she tried to recall the things he told her whenever they were together. How she wished she had his number then maybe, she would be able to find him. As she cut through the park, a familiar figure caught her eyes and a relieved smile hooked her inner corner of her lips unknowingly.

“I really hate people who smokes.” The girl told him coldly with a straight face as she stared at him bent over his knees and took a puff from the cigarette in between his fingers.

Jiyong turned sharply at the voice he just heard, wondering if he was hallucinating her voice. Did he miss her so much that he was hearing things? Thankfully his ears weren’t playing tricks on him because when he looked up, he saw the person he had been dying to see for the past week and when he did, he wanted to tell her that she was the first beautiful thing he had seen in nineteen years. The sight of her alone was enough to drive the breadth from him and how he lost the sense of her words in the sweet fluting of her voice almost immediately.

“Hae…. Won-ah..”

“You said you don’t want me to hate you but you are doing things that I hate.” Haewon stared at him crossly as she continued, “You said you like me but you never prove it.  You said you only care about me but you don’t tell me everyday that you do.”

She had no idea why was she so mad at him, but the moment she opened , she couldn’t stop. How could he disappear without a sign for a week? If she didn’t come and find him, would he just disappear from her life forever?

“I’m.. I’m sorry Haewon.” Jiyong threw his cigarette to the ground and ceased it underneath his shoe. “I promise I won’t smoke anymore!”

“Don’t say anything you don’t mean and can’t prove!” 

“You liar. I am not going to talk to you anymore.” With that, Haewon turned her back on him, prepared to walk away. If he was fine with not having her in his life, then she would be okay too.

“Haewon!” In a hurry, Jiyong hugged her from the back, stopping her to leave. She had no idea how hard it was for him to force himself to stop thinking about her for the past week. He likes her so much that he likes everything about her, especially her laughter. She was the only one he thought about everyday and every night before he falls asleep ever since he saw her. He didn’t know how was it possible but apparently it was.

However, there were too many things going on in his life now that he could come up with thousand of reasons why they shouldn’t be together. He was someone who sacrificed his teenage years in training who was unsure if he would ever debut, he was someone who didn’t do well in high school because he thought he wanted to be a singer and he was someone who couldn’t enter any university with his bad results. He didn’t want Haewon to associate with a lost soul like him and the last thing he wanted was to give her an unknown future so he suppressed his feelings for her and ran away; ran away from his unknown future and her altogether.

“I’m sure you didn’t come all the way to my house just to say this right?”  Jiyong couldn’t help but to smile because she was right here with him and there was a chance that hidden behind her cold attitude and refusal, she likes him too. “You like me too right?”

Seeing no response from the girl in his arms, he slowly turned her around and the sight of her beautiful face made him sigh because such beauty doesn’t belong to a failure like him. “Haewon, I really like you. I really do. I wasn’t lying when I said I care about you and that you are beautiful.”

“But, I’ve lost my way and I don’t know where I’m going anymore.” Jiyong held her tightly as he explained to her, “I.. may not continue with YG anymore and I don’t know what to do with my life.”

“I can’t get into an university, I don’t like the usual part time jobs. It’s so hard to actually do what I want to do.”

“Haewon, you may like me now, but you will regret dating me or even marrying a guy with nothing in the future.”

“I’m sure you’d be better off without me around.”

“You don’t know me so don’t assume just like that!” Haewon scolded him. She was mad at him for running away and judging her so easily, but her body gave no signs of pulling away from him. Taking a deep breadth, she continued. “You are a god damn coward. You are running away just because you are lost? Do you know that it’s important to be grateful because someone else out there hasn’t even got half the talent you have.”

“You definitely have the talent or else YG wouldn’t even sign you!”

“I understand that being an idol is tough. It’s the worst career and dream ever. You risked your teenage years and free time to train while others go out to have fun. And when you finally get to debut, you sacrificed your freedom because your fans will be following you everywhere.”

“But, remember why you started in the first place. Even if you feel sad, don’t be in despair. And even if you fall down, don’t collapse. I have faith that the struggle you are going through right now, will for sure turn out to be the best thing you’ll be proud off one day.”

“So don’t give up. One day you will look back and be glad you didn’t.”

Jiyong stared blankly at the 15 year-old girl before her as he registered her words. She sounded so mature that she had forgotten how young she actually was. He remembered the adrenaline rush he gets whenever he thought about how his fans would chant his name on stage and how it scared him to death to think that one day he might look back into his life and realize that he lived it painfully ordinary. That familiar feeling slowly crept back to him and that adrenaline to go towards his dream surged through him.

 A smile spread across his face as he focused on the girl before him. It was amazing, how she could just say these little things and it changed the way he feels about something in an instant. Such words that seemed to be said by everyone sounded different coming from her. He could feel something changed and nothing would really be the same again because his heart came alive once again all thanks to her.

Looking at his gummy smile, Haewon knew that he found whatever he had lost and she felt relieved.

“Stop running away from liking me without having to know my answer.” To her she abided by 3 simple rules in life. If she does not go after what she wants, she will never have it, if she doesn’t ask, the answer will always be no and if she doesn’t step forward, she will forever be in the same place. So, she decided to step forward and go after what she wants, even if his answer would be a no.

Holding her arms firmly, Jiyong asked. “What is your answer then?”

“What is yours?”

“I won’t run away anymore.” He replied firmly, he was sorry for pushing her away because he was a mess and he didn’t know how to fix himself. Today, he realized, he needed time and space but he also needed her. “From your love and from my dreams.”

“Then I won’t too. “ Haewon reached up and kissed his lips and when she did, Jiyong knew he could live to a hundred and visit every country in the world, and that single moment when he first kissed the girl of his dreams, he knew that his love would last forever. “I like you.”

With a silly grin, Jiyong wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. “I like you too.”

Right after that, he lowered his head and kissed her like her lips were air and he couldn’t breathe.

That moment, he was more than confident that if Haewon was with him then somehow nothing could ever be wrong for him again.

Nothing.