Entry #031
Mnemophobia
Things we lost have a way of coming back to us in the end.
15th February 2015
“How much do I get in return?”
Sitting in the dark dance studio, Jiyong leaned against the mirror as he spoke lowly into his phone. The room may be quiet but his mind was like a tsunami full of rushing toxic, negative cogitation with reality draining him dry.
“5kg of is 1million KRW.”
“We will contact you again.”
The opposite end of the line went flat and he became the monster that he was scared of as a child. He is destroying everything in his path, including himself. He still loves Haewon but he doesn’t love himself anymore. Holding onto his phone tightly and he muttered lowly with a souless smile. “Bring the drugs baby. I can bring my pain.”
The thought of smuggling drugs out of Korea didn’t scare him. Everything that kills him makes him feel even more alive now because the sum of money he gets in return will allow him to continue his search for his dear Haewon.
“What are you doing?” Taeyang switched on the light, surprised to see his best friend sitting there. A worried look flashed across his face right away. The man before him had finally got back on his feet, even asking them to make a comback as a whole. For that, he had been busy composing songs, choreographing dances all by himself and they were all very glad to see the positive change in him. They knew the reason to his hardwork so they had decided to give him the money they would be earning to look for Haewon. A part of them wants her to come back too.
“Nothing.” Jiyong smiled even though he was still hurting. He had never stopped hurting. Not even when Jieun came and brought him up to his feet. He simply pretended that he didn’t but no matter how much pretending he did, he was still in pain. He simply just became really good at pretending but what he couldn’t do was to pretend that he didn’t love Haewon. “Just reminiscing the trainee days where we used to compete with one another.”
With a gentle smile, Taeyang walked towards him and sat beside him. “They are good memories.”
“They are.” Jiyong couldn’t agree more. Those days were filled with Haewon and he would fall in love with anything and everything that reminded him of her.
Taeyang didn’t continue further, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the memories that was accompanied by the comfortable silence till it was disturbed by the sudden opening of the door.
“Finally. You guys are here. Let’s start.” Taeyang stood up excitedly, couldn’t wait to prepare their comeback with his fellow groupmates. It had been years since they last performed together and every cell in his body was itching to dance and sing to his heart’s content today.
But the other 3 members didn’t move.
They just looked at him with an unreadable expression and an uneasy feeling started to envelope him right away. He only started to panic when his gaze landed on Seung Hyun’s face.
“What’s… wrong?” He broke the silence in the room and asked s.
Nobody spoke a word as Seungri slowly walked towards Jiyong who was also looking at them weirdly. He lowered himself in front of him and gently place something on his lap.
Jiyong looked at the newspaper in front of him. He didn’t know why but he couldn’t bring his hand to open it. That piece of paper weighed like a ton. He couldn’t move his legs or even his hands. Swallowing hard, he looked up at the boys again but everyone was giving him those pitiful stares that he hated. With his shaky hands, he slowly opened up the newspaper and instinctively he closed his eyes to prepare himself.
He swore, if Haewon died, it would be like removing his bones. Nobody knows why, but he would collapse.
However, when he opened his eyes again, his breath got caught in his chest as he scanned the front page news.
Big Bang’s G-dragon is one of the two victims of Exo’s Kai hit and run.
South Korea’s largest talent agency SM Entertainment had been covering for their artist in a hit and run case for the past 2 years. An insider, whom prefer not to be known had leaked that Exo’s Kai was involved in a hit and run accident a day before their debut.
It was reported that the 20year old beat the red light and hit a fellow 20year old girl named Cha Hae XXX. The victim was in coma for a few weeks and when she regained conscious a few weeks later, she had lost her memories due to a serious head injury. The company then manipulated her by changing her identity to Kim Ji XXX, tricking her to believe that she is his cousin so Exo could debut smoothly.
It was also mentioned that Cha Hae XXX was Big Bang’s G-dragon rumoured girlfriend. Although there were many pictures of them being together, the artist did not speak up about their relationship back then. However, the striking similarity that the two shared is something worth the readers’ to ponder about.
Coincidentally, G-dragon had ‘disappeared’ from the industry for 2 years. According to the insider, he had been searching for his missing girlfriend and pictures below are taken by Dispatch and bought by YG Entertainment to stop them from leaking. The pictures showed how depressed he had been during the period of time when he lost the love of his life…
Jiyong’s mind couldn’t register a single word after that. He stared hard at the pictures of Haewon and him Dispatch had taken a few years back and the pictures of Jieun entering and leaving the company with Kai. His eyes couldn’t move away from her, as though if he blink, his Haewon would disappear.
The rest of them looked at Jiyong worriedly. Now they finally understood why they couldn’t find Haewon even when their director had used his power; because a more powerful company had buried it.
Seungri placed his hands on Jiyong’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. Nobody knew what to say to him because they all knew when Jiyong saw Haewon, he likes her and when he liked her, he loves her. Now that he loves her, he lost her and everything they did before, didn’t really matter anymore.
They waited Jiyong to cry, to bawl and to even tear the newspaper into shreds. However, he didn’t. He simply looked up at them with a smile on his face. A smile that wrenched their hearts.
“I finally found her.” Jiyong couldn’t contain his joy; she is still alive. How often did he picture his Haewon making her way back to him and now she is finally making her way home, he is no longer missing without her.
He misses her and he wants to see her. The words ‘how are you’ seemed to be meaningless. The memories that they had together were all that was left.
Like a polaroid picture in his heart.
FINALLY! WE ARE HERE!
Everything it's out. Okay I'm gonna go MIA for like two weeks.
Hahahah kidding.
Enjoy!
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