I rummaged through my bag and all over room and I still couldn't find it... I couldn't find the small letter that I had carried with me everywhere. I groaned and buried my hands in my face in frustration. I had probably dropped it sometime in the past. I felt sad, I had carried that small piece of paper around with me everywhere ever since I left Korea... Even if I had never showed it to Jonghyun.

As days upon weeks passed, Jonghyun wasn't the highlight of the news anymore. New scandals were coming up and people started to get less interested. Athough SHINee was forever scarred with the image of drugs and alcohol, more people were acting as if it was the past and soon enough, SHINee was top again and just like I said would happen- Jonghyun was accepted again and the news was forgotten. 

"Hana," there was a knock on my open hotel room door. I looked up to see Kikwang standing there leaned agianst my wall. I smiled. I didn't see him nearly as much as I used to. He was always busy with promotions or his manager held him back from seeing me or he had to practice. Whenever I did see him though, there was that feeling in that pit of my stomach; The feeling that he was drifting apart from me and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Kwang!" I got up and went over to hug him. He gently squeezed me back.

"Hey," he smiled and invited himself in, "What were you doing?" He glanced around my room to see it turned upside down.

"I was just looking for something," I said, kicking clothes and other stuff aside.

"Oh," he replied. He sat down on the couch and I sat down next to him.

"Why are you here?" I asked breaking an awkward silence.

"I don't know... I just wanted to come here," he said, "I got you something." He dug through his bag and took out a piece of candy.

"Thanks," I took it and popped it in my mouth. Kikwang swallowed hard and then looked into my eyes. I looked back at him, a little surprised. His expression slightly changed and he opened his mouth to talk. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to break up with me. I hated seeing him nowadays because I knew that he would break up with me and I would always avoid it.

I cleared my throat and stood up, puttin gmy hands on my hips and smiling, "Let's go somewhere."

Kikwang blinked a couple of times and then shook his head, "No, I have to go now."

"Really?" I couldn't help but look disappointed. I wanted to do something... anything to make him stay. Kikwang got up and quickly left.

"Bye.." I whispered. Even though he left without breaking up with me, he still left me with my heart shattered into a billion pieces. I slid down onto the floor and frowned. I don't even know where to start. When did things start to go wrong? I knew that he was cheating on me for a while but I was praying that he wasn't. I held on to him because I hoped that he wouldn't do that to me. I hoped that maybe if I just tried a little harder, I could make him stay. I just hoped that if he was cheating on me, he would be truthful and tell me.. I hoped that I was wrong about everything and that he was right about the girl that he met- that it was just a childhood friend, a long lost cousin, a distant relative, someone that worked for Cube Ent,. I hoped that he loved me too much to hurt me like he does.

After doing nothing for about an hour, I decided that I needed to go out and take a break from just everything. So.... I took a bus to me and Jonghyun's waterfall.

When I got there, I climbed up the side of the rocks and sat down next to the waterfall. Nothing ever changed here. I took a breath of fresh air and cuddled under the blanket that I brought when I heard someone call my name.

"Hana?"

I turned around to see Jonghyun climbing the rock behind me.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Hey. I showed you this place first," Jonghyun defended. I didn't reply. I felt stupid. Jonghyun climbed up the rest of the rocks and took a seat next to me. We were silent as we just looked out into space and thought about our own problems.

"How are you?" I turned to talk to him.

"The same- better I guess.." Jonghyun weakly smiled, "How are you?" It felt weird takling to Jonghyun like this. After fights and yelling and tears, our conversation felt like the first peaceful one in a long time.

"Great," I lied. Everything was going terrible. I would have to stay in Korea to graduate way longer than I thought, my boyfriend is drifting farther away from me, and my best friend.... that's a whole other story.

"Oh. How is it with you and Kikwang?" Jonghyun asked.

I just chuckled and looked down. Even though I had a stupid smile on my face, tears shone in my eyes.

Jonghyun frowned, "Did he hurt you?"

"Not as much as you hurt me," I answered truthfully. Jonghyun cleared his throat and looked at me with guilty eyes.

"I must be a terrible, crazy best friend," Jonghyun said softly, "I can't even be called that- friend..."

I didn't reply.

"You're crying," Jonghyun stated. He lifted his hand and brought it to my face but I beat him to it and wiped off my tears myself and smiled. Jonghyun looked into my eyes and then snapped out of it after a few seconds and drew his hand back to his body.

"He's making you cry," Jonghyun said.

"Why are you like this all of a sudden? Don't worry about me, he's not making me cry... You need to worry about yourself. Your schedules are becoming crazy again," I stated.

"You helped me with Hyeyoung. You keep worrying about me and others that you don't even worry about yourself," Jonghyun spat, "The worst month in my life, you were there to help me when you needed help yourself."

"You know that you have serious bipolar problems?" I asked him, "When I was trying to outreach to you, you ignored me and now your caring for me."

"Well do you want me to stay mad at you?" Jonghyun shot back. I looked at his face again and burst into tears for some reason. Jonghyun was clearly taken aback. As I was crying, he gently laid a hand on my back and pat it softly. I felt terrible and sick. Jonghyun knew that I was hurting because of him and he knew that I was hurting because of Kikwang.

"Don't act like it's okay," Jonghyun whispered, "I do- all the time. People and fans act as if the scandal never happened. I guess it's a good thing, and I act the same way too... But it did happen. And even if I act like I forgot, I didn't. Hyeyoung..." Jonghyun swallowed, "I'm still hurt because of her."

"If I act like how I feel, I'll cry until my eyes out until they become dry because there are no tears left. I laugh because it's the only way I can convince myself that I'm okay," I looked up at him sorrowfull but didn't wait for him to say anything. I didn't even want to hear another word after he said "Hyeyoung."

"If Kikwang wants to leave you, let him go," Jonghyun said, "In the end if he's not with you, you know- it's probably not fate... But don't stand there like an idiot and let him make you cry. Don't let him make you miserable like this."

I didn't reply.

"I let you go didn't I?" Jonghyun said softly.

- The Next Day [Jonghyun's POV]-

"Kikwang?"

Kikwang looked up from playing a game on his phone.

"Jonghyun!" he grinned. I didn't smile back at all and walked into his waiting room. He put his phone away quickly as he soon felt the serious mood.

"I told you this a long time ago and I'm not sure if you still remember," I started, "But didn't I tell you to take care of Hana?"

Kikwang looked at me a little surprised, "W-what are you talking about?"

"If you want to date someone else, then shouldn't you cleanly finish other business before?" I asked. Kikwang cleared his throat and looked down. I knew it- I knew that he was cheating on Hana. I started up again, "If I see one more tear drop from her eye because of you-"

"If I collected all of the tears that she dropped because of YOU, I would be able to provide all the citizens of Korea with water," Kikwang replied. I looked at him hard in the eye but I couldn't say anything because I knew that his words were right.

"Good luck on stage," I cleared my throat and left the room.

~~~~~~~

so i finally found a beautiful picture of hana and jonghyun's waterfall. isn't it amazing?