Thanks, you

^ hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe i just learned how to do that ^_____^

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"Jonghyun.... how did you know that my mom and dad died?" I asked Jonghyun. We were sitting down in the cafe across from the SM Building. Since it was late at night, there was no one that would spot Jonghyun, so he wore normal clothing.

As soon as I asked him that question; He had no words to say and seemed flustered all of a sudden.

"I- I- Well, like....." Jonghyun tripped up.

"It's just that- I never told you or anything... you weren't supposed to know," I avoided his gaze.

"Why? Why can't I know?" Jonghyun asked.

"I don't want you to feel pity on me. And it's not like it's something you need to know," I said.

"What are you talking about? I care for you so much, I would never pity you. Your family has always been like my family...." Jonghyun insisted.

"Don't avoid the question..."

"Wait- how do you know I know?" Jonghyun asked suddenly.

"Remember when you 'saved' me from Kikwang in the club?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," Jonghyun said sheepishly.

"So how do you know?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm curious. I mean, I'm just wondering who knew other than the ones who were actually there at the time- like Kikwang and my aunt."

Jonghyun paused for a moment and looked down into his lap.

"You didn't really think I'd leave, did you?" he said.

"Wh-what?" I heart started to beat faster and faster in anticipation and hopefulness.

Hopefullness for the old us.

"Did you really think that I could leave you that easily?" he asked, clenching his fists.

My mouth slightly opened, "You didn't leave?"

"How could I leave you so easily after finally grabbing you? I'm not stupid, Hana. Boyfriend or not; I'm your freaking best friend. I knew that you didn't leave for no reason at all," Jonghyun said.

"Then when did you finally leave?"

"After the funeral," Jonghyun said sadly.

"You stayed that long?" I remembered the 2 month delays in the funeral because of the various problems.

"Where did you stay? Didn't SHINee worry about you? Did you follow me the whole time?" I threw a bunch of my questions at him.

"I stayed in a hotel near your house.. the members thought I was taking a break and yeah- I guess I did follow you," Jonghyun answered.

"Why would you go through all this?" I asked. I'm such a burden, I thought.

"If you love someone... Truly love someone.... Wouldn't you chase after them and hold on no matter what it takes?" Jonghyun's voice rose in anger.

I couldn't say anything else as my heart began to drop inside my chest. He truly loved me....

"After you told me to leave, I agreed with you.... The fact that you told me to leave for you was a good enough reason for me. It's just that I wanted to know the truth," Jonghyun gazed at me with sad yet angry eyes.

"When you went to school, I saw you getting bullied and alone and I wanted to go up to you so bad and give you a hug but I couldn't. When you got nosebleeds for staying up and studying and working so hard, I wanted to wipe the sweat off of your forehead and giveyou a kiss... I watched you quietly when one day, you came out of your aunt's house dressed in all black with a white pin in your hair. I followed you in my car and eventually arrived at the funeral area. I still remember the emotionless look in your eyes when you walked out of the car."

I was starting to cry remembering that single most hardest time of my life.

Jonghyun continued, "When they finally announced your parents name and how they passed away, I knew that you left Korea because of them and their death. You passed by my car later that day and I remember you talking to your aunt telling her that your mother wanted you to become a doctor.... and that you would work hard to do it. Then, I knew that I should just leave forever and forget about the bad events just like you told me to. " 

Jonghyun wiped my tears, "You know.... if you said once that you missed me and you wanted me back, I was ready to come back running with open arms for you. I promised myself that I would always be there for you if you called- it's just that you never called."

By now, I was sobbing. I couldn't even believe that Jonghyun was always there for me. Always behind me.... Even if I was too idiotic to notice it.

"For a while I couldn't think about anything but you. The members thought that I would die by the way I was acting. I wouldn't eat, sleep, take care of my body... I would just stare at our picture and wonder when my tears would finally run out.... I guess 7 years passed by already," Jonghyun laughed with a weakening smile.

"J-Jonghyun," I managed to get out of my mouth. I didn't say anything else and just went into his open arms, just like what I should've done 7 years ago.

"Hana....... stop. You have a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend now," Jonghyun let go of me softly and wiped my tears with my hands, gazing into my red, puffy eyes. His words hit my heart like a bullet, but I knew that it was true.

I didn't say anything but wiped my tears that were constantly leaking out of my eyes.

"7 years passed..... Now that I told you the truth, we should officially set it free," Jonghyun breathed.

No. I thought. No, I just want to be with you now that I know the truth.

But what came out of my mouth was the exact opposite, "We should."

"I hope you know that as your best friend I'll kill Kikwang if he hurts you in any way," Jonghyun chuckled.

"Yeah," I said, my heart breaking with each and every one of his words.

"I really think that this is better for both of us. Just to forget," Jonghyun went on and on.

Meanwhile, my physical body agreed with everything he said-

But inside, I was clinging on to  him begging.....

Begging to stop everything.

As in stop loving Hyeyoung.

Stop wanting to forget everything...

And love me instead.

And remember all the times that he spent crying over me to know that he finally has me....

---

I sulked back to the hotel and laid on the bed. 

Tears leaked out of my eyes and I wanted to slap myself to stop crying but I couldn't.

Why was I so stupid? Jonghyun even waited for me.... and I was so stubborn that I couldn't even say the words "I still love Jonghyun" because I was scared that I would believe myself.

I hadn't stopped crying once since I left that cafe. I cried as I walked to the bus stop, cried on the bus, cried as people stared at me in the elevator while I was waiting to arrive at my floor.

I was still crying.

I collapsed onto my bed and rolled onto my stomach, punching the mattress.

I didn't want to believe the fact that Jonghyun and I both had different people in front of us now; people that love us so much without knowing me and Jonghyun's dirty past.

I thought the thoughts Jonghyun thought 7 years ago. When will my tears ever run out?

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That was kind of.... really angsty right? T.T

well it's chapter 30 thanks for reading and caring about this story during these 4 months or so. afjlasdjflkasdjas

ah this seems like a farewell speech. don't worry it's not.

lollllll have a good day, hope I diddn't ruin it with this update. ><