I woke up and glanced at myself in the mirror.

Puffy eyes.

Tear- stained cheeks.

Red face.

All the signs of heartbreak. I sighed and turned away. I sulked into the bathroom and did my usual routine getting ready to go to the hospital. It felt like high school all over again with the whole lugging my body to "school" and commanding my brain to actually think.

I leaned my head against the bus window on the way to the hospital and let out a sigh for the umpteenth time.

The phone in my hand vibrated and I read the text:

have a good day, love you <3

kwangie.

I just let my arm fall to my side and deleted the text, sorrowfully.

I truthfully didn't even know what I wanted anymore; Kikwang or Jonghyun; and I absolutely hated it.

The bus stopped in front of the hospital and I got off, thinking as I rode up the elevator and thinking as I put on the white lab coat. During lunch break, I just sat with my head down on the table staring at my phone, playing with the keys.

I wanted to text Jonghyun....

I wanted to ask him if we could talk....

I wanted to tell him that I loved him and have him tell me a straight yes or a straight no.

I finally made my decision and sent him a text:

can you meet me at the resturaunt tonight after your schedules?

I closed my eyes and pressed the send button. When I opened my eyes, my phone flashed:

Message Sent.

~~~

When I was done with another day of the hospital work, I made my way over to the resturaunt.

Flashback:

"Do you remember this place?" Jonghyun asked. He got out of the car and I followed and stood by the car as I watched him put his hands in his pockets and skip playfully down the street.

I frowned. It seemed familiar... Like deja vu but I couldn't remember what it was. He turned around and motioned me to come. I steadily walked towards him and watched him from behind as he kept going down the rundown road.

"What is this place?" I breathed, looking around. I knew that I saw it somewhere but I couldn't figure it out. I looked around. It was like a ghost town. There was no trace of other people here and the road was cracked and gray. Yet, there was sort of a beautiful feeling to this place that felt homely and calm.

"Look," Jonghyun stopped at an old building the color of gray muck and beige. I could faintly read the writing on the sign that said, "Pine Tree Resturaunt".

"Resturaunt?" I asked. Jonghyun nodded and started to go in.

"What are you doing?" I held him back.

"Let's go inside," Jonghyun pulled out of my grasp and took my hand instead.

I sighed and followed him inside. There were old wooden tables and a faded menu board. Stuffing was coming out of the old chairs and the flooring was dirty with dust and dirt.

"Do you remember?" Jonghyun asked.

All of a sudden, it came crashing back to me like a wave of realization. 

We had come here when our parents decided that we were old enough to go out to eat by ourselves. I had always called it our first date even though I was too shy to tell him back then. After the first date, we had always come here when we needed help or wanted just wanted to get away from the world.

-End of Flashback-

I walked into the abandoned alleyway once again and stopped in front of the wrecked resturaunt with the faint lettering: Pine Tree Resturaunt.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the resturaunt. The door was hanging off of its hinges.

The dust and debris from 7 years ago had only piled up. It was now filthy. There was broken glass and wood splinters all over the floor. There were bugs crawling all over the floor and many of the tables were turn over. I looked around some more to see that robbers and gangs had taken every piece of furniture that they could and left the resturaunt stripped of any item of value.

I walked over to the corner where me and Jonghyun sat during our "first date" and sat down at the dusty table.

I smiled and looked out the window just like I had 10 years ago.

As I waited for Jonghyun, time passed by slowly. There was nothing to do inside the shop and I didn't want to leave and miss Jonghyun.

I kept checking my phone for any new texts or calls but none came.

Meanwhile, Jonghyun's phone was off.

I checked the message he sent me again:

i'll be there at 5.

I sighed, it was 8 now. It was starting to get dark and even if the resturaunt had electricity, it was in the middle of a dark alley out of any people's sight.

I heard my stomach growl and I rubbed it; I was so hungry... I hadn't gotten a chance to eat during lunch; I had just thought about Jonghyun the whole time... And instead of eating dinner, I rushed over to the resturaunt so he wouldn't have to wait for me.

I slapped my face and made myself stare at random bright or shiny objects but after a few more minutes, my eyes and body couldn't take it anymore. My eyelids started to droop and I rest my head on the table.

Jonghyun's POV:

"Are you crazy, hyung? Manager hyung's going to kill you! What if President Lee Sooman finds out?" Taemin looked at me with scared eyes.

"Hana's waiting for me," I urged.

The schedule that I thought would end at 5 didn't end until 8:30. I didn't have any battery left in my phone to tell Hana and even if I wanted to tell her with someone else's phone, I was so busy on the stage that I didn't even have the time to comprehend the fact that Hana was alone in the alley in a wrecked-resturaunt alone.

"She's probably gone by now," Minho said.

"No, you don't know Hana..... She's the most stubborn girl ever," I sighed, grabbing my jacket and pulling it low over my face.

"Your seriously going to do this?" Onew asked. The tone of his voice told me that he would be upset if I did but I didn't care.

"Just call her," Key suggested.

"She won't answer," I replied, putting my shoes on.

"Hana's not stupid; she wouldn't wait for you for this long," Minho protested.

"But she is stupid," I proclaimed. Before any of the members tried to hold me back; I shut the door and drove over to the resturaunt.

When I got there, it was already 9:30.

I got out of the car and drew near to the resturaunt-ruin. There was a dim light on and I knew that Hana was still there. I sighed and told myself that I would scold her so much when I saw her.

But when I got into the resturaunt, I saw a heap of hair and clothes in the corner of the room. It was Hana.

I shook my head at her. She's so stupid, why would she wait this long?

I marched over to her in a semi-angry state. I grabbed her hand to wake her up when I realized how cold she was.

I frowned and turned her over.

She was unconciously chattering her lips in her sleep and her frozen hand was gripping onto her phone.

"Hana," I mumbled trying to shake her.

No matter how many time I shook her she wouldn't wake up.

I sighed and carried her into the backseat of my car and turned the heater up way high even if I was boiling to death.

Hana was freezing waiting for me and I never showed up...

I glanced over at Hana every now and then. She looked so peaceful. I chuckled.

I didn't know where to take her so I just brought her to her hotel. I parked in the parking garage and hid my face as I carried her up the elevator. I went to her room and dug in her bag for her room key when a piece of paper fell out.

I didn't mean to read it but something on the paper caught my eye.

I kept hold of the paper and found the room key in her wallet, and laid Hana in her bed.

By now, she stopped chattering but her body was too hot.

I grabbed a moist towel and put it to her forehead, checking every now and then how her body temperature felt.

Meanwhile, I sat down on the chair I set next to her bed and watched her as she went off to dream land.

I was so confused. Me and Hyeyoung are going out. Kikwang and Hana are going out.

When I'm with Hyeyoung, I'm happy. Sure, sometimes she can be annoying and drive me too far but other than that, I'm pretty sure I love her. 

But when I just look at Hana, I don't want to look away.

Even if I wanted to love Hana though, I have Hyeyoung - she was the one that brought me up when Hana was gone and she was the one that made me feel like I could love someone again. She was a girl that I couldn't live with.

Flashback:

I clenched my fist and pound it against the wall.

I couldn't take it anymore. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't get rid of Hana from my mind. I gritted my teeth and tears fell down my eyes.

I wanted to see her.

I just simply wanted to see her.

I grabbed all my stuff. The members tried to hold me back but I fought them off.

When I got into the elevator, I quickly shut the door on them and sank down into tears. I want to see her. I'm going to see her.

I up all my tears and stood up when I noticed the girl staring at me in the elevator.

I cleared my throat and covered my face.

"Are you..... okay?" the girl asked. She had a concerned look on her face.

"Yeah, fine," I grunted.

"I"m Hyeyoung. I guess we're neighbors, I'm moving into my aunt's house. She lives right next door to you," the girl smiled and extended her hand. Her smile was refreshing. It reminded me of... Hana's.

"I'm Jonghyun... I hope you like it here," I shook her hand.

"Thanks," she let go but I wanted to hold her hand longer....

-End of Flashback-

I shook the memory off and all of a sudden remembered the piece of paper in Hana's bag that caught my eye.

I grabbed it from my back pocket.

It said: