I felt refreshed as I changed into sweatshorts and a sweatshirt. Jonghyun's parents had gone out for shopping and I ate in front of the television sprawled across the Kim's couch. Just then, I heard the door open and someone enter.

 

"Umma!" the person who came in said. That is definitely not Jonghyun's mom or dad.. I immediately sat up in surprise and stretched my neck to see who it was. It was Jonghyun. Me and Jonghyun caught glances at each other at the same time.

 

"Why are you in my house?" Jonghyun asked angrily.

 

"Your family is taking care of me," I said with a little hint of anger and vengefulness in my voice. Kim Jonghyun you idiot. You left me on the streets and rode off with your girl.

 

"Get off my couch!" Jonghyun pushed me off the couch and the food fell on the floor. I snapped my head up angrily to look at him.

 

"YAH! KIM JONGHYUN! What is your problem?!" I yelled angrily.

 

"My problem? My problem is you. Piss off, Hana!" Jonghyun glared at me while I pulled myself up.

 

"Calm down! Why are you like this? I'm sorry but I don't get what I did that was so wrong!" I huffed.

 

"Of course you don't know! It's cause your so shallow!"

 

"Don't be like this! What happened to-?" I started.

 

"Hana, just leave me alone, your so annoying! Why do you have to show up now when I don't want to talk to you or see you or want you near me?!!" Jonghyun yelled in my face.

 

"You know what? When you don't want me near you, I'll be the closest I've ever been," I said hurt and confused. Why was he so mad about this? HE was the one that ignored me and my calls! I continued, "Don't be mad about the fact I'm here because you can't change it!!! And don't even think about trying to avoid me because you can't. I'm a trainee now!!" " I screamed.  What. Did. I. Just. Say. Am I crazy?! I'm only here for the summer and my parents don't know anything about this! Again with this pride of mine that kills me slowly...We had gotten in fights but it always consisted of silent treatments and quiet glares. Shouting like this was something new.

 

Jonghyun didn't say anything and stood there surprised when a smirk flashed across his handsome face, "Trainee? You? You're joking, right?! Do you think that you can stand 3 weeks as a trainee?! You have no talent and your too ugly! Just piss off!" Jonghyun said angrily and kicked the pillow near me that fell when he pushed me off the couch.

 

"You hurt me, Jonghyun. You hurt me a lot," I said plainly but with emotion and pain. I quickly cleaned the food on the floor, threw it away and walked out the door grabbing my bag and cell phone. I wiped my tears as I ran down the stairs.

 

When I walked outside, I took a deep breath of the fresh Seoul air and tried calming down. I walked around outside and decided to settle down at a playground a few blocks away from Jonghyun's apartment.

 

I sighed loudly and swung lightly on the swing. How can I still love him after that? Why do I even forgive him before he even apologizes? I feel a deep pain in my heart thinking about all the lost memories of me and Jonghyun. Lost memories to him. He barely remembers me. I'm so stupid.

 

I felt even more stupid saying that I was a trainee. My parents would never approve of it no matter how much I'd cry and beg and plead insisting that it was my dream. I sighed in sorrow. I dreaded tomorrow morning when I decided that I would tell my parents and ask them about what they thought. I could hear them yelling and see their faces frowning in disapproval.

 

I turned my thoughts back to Jonghyun. I'm asking too much of him to remember a small promise and memories from when we were six. I'm just stupid for calling him every now and then and staying in his parents' home. But again, I did my part in calling and answering phone calls and replying to cards and letters. Why can't he call me first for a change? Why couldn't he have sent the letter first?

 

Even if I grieve and pout in sadness, It's too late now. He has a girl and he hates me.

 

"A girl shouldn't be out this late at night." I jump in surprise and frantically look around.

 

The voice laughs, "Calm down it's me..."

 

I squint my eyes towards the direction of the voice to see who the owner of the voice was. I smiled as Taemin walked out of the darkness.

 

"You scared me!" I snapped.

 

"Sorry... I didn't mean to,"  he mumbled looking down in guilt.

 

I laughed, "It's okay." Taemin walked over and sat on the other swing and swung himself back and forth using his long legs. He did that for a while and then settled down to talk to me.

 

"Why are you here?" Taemin asked curiously.

 

"Oh I just wanted some air," I said. Thank God it's dark. He wouldn't be able to see my eyes watery and red from crying.

 

"Oh. Then why are you crying?" Taemin asked. I groaned. Stupid streetlight. I sighed and told Taemin the story. I usually would deny crying right away but I felt like I could trust him although we only met today. He knew about me and Jonghyun's problems already anyway.

 

"I'm sorry." Taemin said quietly.

 

"It's okay... I'm fine," I smiled.

 

"Do you want ice cream?" Taemin asked changing the subject, "There is a really good ice cream place that I go to whenever I'm upset," Taemin said jumping up from the swing. 

 

I laughed and stood up and nodded, "Yeah let's go!"

 

 Taemin joyfully walked off and motioned for me to follow. He's so happy and cheerful. I wanna smile whenever I'm with him.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Dear Hana,

 

 I'm sorry that my pride won't let me love you. I force my lips to smile and my arms to wrap around another girl's body but my mind is still stuck in the same time zone where you left me and where my heart was reaching out for you who wasn't there.

 

I remember the nights without you, the nights where I told myself that I wouldn't cry anymore. When I scolded myself and tried not to be so attatched to a girl like you ever again.

 

I love you but I don't want to hurt. I love you but I'm scared of you leaving me again. 

 

Forgive me, baby.

 

-Jonghyun.

 

PS. I don't break my promises. How long would you wait for me?

 

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