"Girl and Boys Dorm B, Luna will be your mentor in room A11. Rest of you, wait here for Jonghyun," Mr. Han told us.

 

The Boy Dorm B trainees got up and left. The Girl's Dorm B got up to go to the other room while pouting because they wanted Jonghyun to train them. I just rolled my eyes. Do they think that all celebrities are likable? We waited about 10 minutes for Jonghyun to come and Mr. Han ended up calling him to tell him to hurry up.

 

"Just cause he's a celebrity he thinks that it's okay to be late?" I huffed.

 

Just then, Jonghyun walked in calmly, smiling like there was nothing wrong. Mr. Han left the room to check on the others and we were handed over to Jonghyun.

 

"Hey, I'm Jonghyun," Jonghyun said cooly. I was glaring at him the whole time.

 

"Hi, Jonghyun." the trainees chourused.

 

"So I'm supposed to talk to you today about singing with emotion or whatever," he walked over to a director's chair and sat down,  "Apparently that's what you guys have been lacking. Let's start with a little demonstration.. You- Sing for me," he pointed right at me.

 

"Me?" I asked pointing a finger at myself. He nodded and smirked.

 

"Let's see how good you were to have gotten in to SM without any audition," he said leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs comfortably.

 

I rolled my tounge in my cheek in anger and stood up and snatched the mic out of his hand. He raised his eyebrows in amusment. He was enjoying this.

 

I sang "I Have a Lover" just like the other day. In the middle of the song, he waved his hand motioning for me to stop singing. I gave the mic to him and sat back down. Skye gave me a thumbs up.

 

"You see that?" he asked motioning towards me, "...... That was terrible. No emotion at all. It was dull and boring. Sure the vocals are alright but her words had no feeling to them," Jonghyun said. He looked towards me, "A miracle must've happened the day you got in because I don't know anyone who got in with quality like yours," he said. He paced and chose another victim from Dorm A.

 

Okay, maybe it wasn't my best but does he have to embarass me like that in front of everyone? This was my first day as a trainee also. I could tell he was doing this on purpose. What was his grudge against me?

 

The girl from Dorm A sang and she was alright. I could tell that she didn't get in because of pure singing talent. While she was singing, Gayun leaned in and whispered, "That's Shim Minah. Her father is in charge of Promoting Overseas here at SMEnt. Supposedly that's how she got in." I nodded and she got finished singing.

 

Jonghyun didn't say anything but clap. "That's what I'm looking for," he said smiling. I saw Jonghyun looking at me from the corner of my eye. He was searching for disappointment on my face. Idiot Jonghyun. Is this how you try to get back at me for leaving? Childish. I plastered a smile on my face and clapped also. The girls from Dorm A high fived her and then glanced over at me, surprised that I was congratulating her. So this was the competition that Yejin was talking about yesterday...

 

Jonghyun gave a lecture on singing and I had to admit, it was pretty good. He talked descriptively about singing and how it was an art and made his lecture dense yet exciting. I could tell that he really loved singing. Every now and then, though, he would look over at me and say something to tick me off but I  ignored it and pretended like I didn't care.

 

After the lecture, Mr. Han came in and dismissed us for lunch.

 

"Hana, are you coming?" Skye looked back and asked as everyone went out to eat.

 

"No, I'll catch up to you guys later," I said waving them off. Me and Jonghyun were the only ones in the room now.

 

"Kim Jonghyun...." I said. I had decided that I needed to talk to him and set things straight. I walked over to where he was packing up his backpack.

 

"Jonghyun-ah.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we didn't talk over those 2 years much and we didn't keep in contact" - although I tried - "but don't you think us acting like this is unnecessary?"

 

"Didn't I tell you to get out of my life?" Jonghyun said not paying attention to me. I grabbed his wrist as he tried walking off.

 

"Actually, you told me to piss off, but I'm not going to because your my best friend. I came back to Korea so happy to see you. You were the reason that I was so happy to come back here. What happened in those 2 years, whatever grudge you have against me, I want to forget. I don't want us to act like this towards each other. I don't want to lose you because of something like this.." I said. I felt Jonghyun relax a little bit under my hand grabbing onto his wrist.

 

Just then, a girl walked in. She had long brownish hair and a nice figure with a baby features. She had long legs and a small scar on her neck that was barely noticable.

 

"Jjong - ah..." she said. Jonghyun immediately took his hand out of my grasp and walked over to her.

 

"Who is that?" she said eyeing me.

 

"Oh. Just a trainee..." he said looking away, "Come on let's go." He intertwined fingers with her and left me standing there. Why did that girl look so familiar? They walked towards the direction of the cafeteria. I passed in front of them and quickly walked towards where the girls from my dorm were.

 

"Hey, do you know who that girl is?" I asked them abruptly.

 

"Oh, that's Shin Sekyung. She's an actress. Hm.. That's weird. Why is she here?" Hanbi said.

 

"Is she close with Jonghyun? From SHINee?" I asked.

 

"Uhhhhh, I don't think so.. Why?" Skye asked.

 

"Oh. I just saw them together so I was curious," I said sitting down and grabbing an apple.

 

"Why? Do you like him? Huh, huh?" Yejin said elbowing me teasingly.

 

"We just know each other from when we were kids. He's more like a brother," I said eyeing my apple like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Ah, I lied to them. Of course I like Jonghyun. I love him... It tears me apart to see him with Shin Sekyung or whoever and it makes me sad that he ignores me. I want him only to be mine. I know, I know. I'm selfish. But aren't we all, when it comes to love?

 

After lunch, we all went back into the main trainee room and I recieved my schedule for the summer. We had different schedules varying on school and all of that.

 

SUMMER SCHEDULE : Choi Hana, Dorm C

 

8- 11:20: Individual Training

 

11:20-12:20: Weight Training

 

12:20-1:30: Lunch/ Break

 

1:30-4:30 : Singing/ Musical Composition

 

4:30-6:30 : Dance

 

6:30-7:30 : Day's Reflection (On Saturdays, Day's Reflection will be replaced by Weekly Check-ups on Singing, Dancing etc.)

 

-- Additional breaks will be given by instructor.-- 

 

When we got back into the room, Jonghyun was waiting for us on his director's chair again.

 

"So cool," the girls whispered.

 

"Okay kids. Go to your usual schedule. Choi Hana, can you see me?" Mr. Han said and dismissed us. Everyone dispersed into the different recording rooms.

 

"Hana. Jonghyun. Jonghyun. Hana." Mr. Han said introducing us to each other. I slightly bowed and he did too. We pretended like we had never met before. I heard him smirk. I put on a fake smile again and smiled at him. His smirk disappeared.

 

"Hana ,Jonghyun will be your personal singing trainer for Individual Training while the other kids will be coached by Onew or Luna. Miss Yoo wanted you to be specially trained. Your her favorite," Mr. Han said chuckling.

 

Oh, I'm her favorite! I thought smiling. Wait hold up. Did he say..

 

"J- jonghyun?" I asked. Holy crap. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

 

"Yes. That's it so go back to your training now," Mr. Han said giving me a light slap on my back.

 

I stumbled out of the room and walked toward the recording studio thinking about Jonghyun.

 

That night, Skye noticed the pictures of me and Jonghyun hung up next to my bed.

 

"Hm, he looks really familiar," she said in thought.

 

"Oh, really?" I said laughing awkwardly.

 

"He looks like someone I've seen a lot but I just cannot remember who.." Skye said returning to her laptop.

 

 

 

-THE NEXT DAY-

 

"Again," Jonghyun said for what seemed to be the billionth time. I gritted my teeth, held in my anger and took a deep breath.

 

"Okay," I said sighing. I had to get through this even if its hard.. I sang my major and minor scales again.

 

"Your getting better but if this is all you can do, you should quit," Jonghyun said.

 

"I'm not quitting. How could you even think about saying that when you know how much I want this?" I asked trying to get rid of the angry flames eating at my heart.

 

"I don't know how much you want this. I don't even know who you are," Jonghyun retorted back.

 

That triggered it. Anger and frustration that I tried to hide for the last few hours came over me and hot tears ran down my face. I glared at him and my cheeks flushed red. Jonghyun looked surprised at my sudden outburst.

 

"Choi Hana...." he said softly. His weakness always had been my tears.

 

"Your really bad, Jonghyun," I said through my sobbing. How could he even say that he didn't know me? Did he hate me that much? It wasn't even a big deal! 

 

"I'm sorry," Jonghyun said. He then grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into his arms hugging me.

 

I just stood there in shock. The door then opened and we flung apart. Mr. Han entered and told us that time was up and I had to go into weight training.

 

"Practice singing because you won't get anywhere with the status you are at right now," Jonghyun said. He took his stuff and left me to clean up the room.

 

I sighed. I thought that maybe because he hugged me, it changed him or something. But nope, he's the same.

 

I put the mics back and put the wires and switches all back to their normal state. I was crawling to get a small battery that had fallen when I noticed a small blue notebook on the floor. I picked it up and turned it around to see if there was a name. I flipped to the inside cover and it had nothing.

 

I shrugged and decided to give it to the reception lady when I noticed my name in the book. I opened it up again and read. I was probably not supposed to do this but if it had something to do with myself, I should know, right? My eyes widened as I read the words.

••••••••••••

Dear Hana,

 

 I'm sorry that my pride won't let me love you. I force my lips to smile and my arms to wrap around another girl's body but my mind is still stuck in the same time zone where you left me and where my heart was reaching out for you who wasn't there.

 

I remember the nights without you, the nights where I told myself that I wouldn't cry anymore. When I scolded myself and tried not to be so attatched to a girl like you ever again.

 

I love you but I don't want to hurt. I love you but I'm scared of you leaving me again. 

 

Forgive me, baby.

 

-Jonghyun.

 

PS. I don't break my promises. How long would you wait for me?

••••••••••••••

 

I closed the book quickly. When did he write this? I felt my tears drop and sort of understood why he hated me so much right now.

 

 

Dear Jonghyun,

I love you but you have a girlfriend. A lot has changed in these two years and I was too late to catch you. 

 

Why did I let you slip through my fingers?

 

-Hana.