Chapter 23: Memories 

"Good afternoon school. I have a pleasant news to share with all of you," says the Principal.

Everyone groaned since they knew that a good new for the teachers meant it's a bad news for the students.

The principal ignored all the groans and continued to speak, "As some of you might know, we have guests with us today for a cultural exchange programme. I hope that each and every one of you seniors would learn something from your new friends."

Truthfully, you weren't paying attention to what the principal was saying because you happened to see a few familiar faces sitting beside your homeroom teacher. You started feeling uneasy since you weren't ready to face these people.

After the talk, you followed your classmates out of the auditorium and made your way to the classroom. Lay noticed you fidgeting in your seat and he grew concerned.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

You shook your head and Lay wrapped his palms around yours. The warmness of his hands made you feel ten times better and you slowly began to relax.

Ms Shin came in a few minutes later with a bunch of students behind her, "Alright class, meet your new friends from Singapore!"

You looked up and to your horror, the four people whom you've been trying to avoid all these while was standing in front of your classroom.

After the group introduced themselves, your fellow classmates mingled with the exchange students while you and the boys stayed in your seats. The four of you were engrossed in a conversation when a shadow falls upon you, "Lee Yuri. How long are you planning on doing this?"

The three boys looked confused as they stared at the boy.

"Finn, let's not talk about this right now. I'm busy," you simply brushed him off.

"Well if it isn't Miss Popular," you shut your eyes tightly when you heard that voice, "Did you enjoy running away?"

"Shut up Michelle," you snapped, "You and I both know the reason why I came here so don't you act like it's my fault."

"Whatever. Let's go Finn," Michelle dragged Finn away from your table.

The three boys looked worried when they saw how angry you were. Since school was technically over, you excused yourself and went home first.

--

That night, you locked yourself at home and ignored all the calls and texts from your friends. You sat down at your study table and grabbed the calendar. 10th May.

You took out your diary and began jotting down some stuffs you've bottled up all these while.

May 10th, 2013. You wrote down,

I've known you for 4 years and throughout these four years, we've been through a lot of ups and downs together but you never failed to make me feel loved. Although it wasn’t something you should be concerned about, you still helped me whenever you could. Be it my problems with my friends or my family, you’re always there for me.

Your vision was blurred by the tears that fought hard not to fall.

Some say that bad experiences are just part of growing up, and going through these obstacles will actually help you later in life. But don't they know that some of these experiences are too much for a teenager like me?

For four months after that accident, I would always cry myself to sleep. I felt ashamed of myself whenever I recall that fateful day. I felt hopeless not being able to do anything about it. Most of all, I was mad at myself. Mad that I wasn’t able to tell the complete truth. All because I was scared.

Every single day, there’s always someone reminding me about your death. Intentionally or not, I don’t know but each time someone blames me for it, I had the urge to tell them what actually happened. But of course I didn’t. Thinking back, I felt stupid. Stupid for protecting someone who doesn’t even deserve to be protected. At least not by me.

Through all these, I’ve learnt that the ones that kill you after losing someone dear is not exactly the person himself but the memories you've shared together and the people who have played a part in those memories.

The tears you fought hard finally fell like raindrops.

It's because of all the recollections that actually evoke the feelings I once had or still have, which also contributes to the dilemma of "Should I move on, or should I not?" Especially now that I’ve made new friends, that question has been ringing in my head all day along.

As much as I hate to admit it, there’s this one boy who had managed to make my heart skip a beat. Something which only you were capable of.  But then again, I asked myself “Am I ready to move on? Forget everything about you and to accept this boy I just met a few months ago?” And whenever I close my eyes to get an answer, your face will pop out but now you’re slowly fading off...Maybe I really am moving on…

AUTHOR'S NOTE

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