The boys made their debut. With all the appearances, the reality show on MTV, and Yongguk and Zelo’s other songs paving the way, the boys got really popular fast. It didn’t hurt that their debut song, Warrior, was really impactful. Despite all of them having the same hair color, it wasn’t long before fans started picking favorites. You knew. Like a fangirl, you kept up with the news that surrounded the boys. Very early on, Yongguk was already a clear popular choice among the girls, you suppose because of the earlier exposure he got, and also because the reality show portrayed him to be all edgy and charismatic. Himchan was another clear fan favorite, because of his good looks. Soon, all sorts of articles and pre-debut photos were showing up about the boys. There were even articles about you, since you were now famously known as “Himchan’s sister”. Thankfully, you had deleted most photos of you and Yongguk after your break-up two years ago, so none of those had surfaced.

It was tough reading all the comments about Yongguk’s popularity. The more popular he was, the more you knew that him having a girlfriend would be received negatively. In the past few days, you even began obsessively reading about other idols that were spotted out on dates, spending hours reading the comments that netizens posted. Naturally, most of them were quite vicious and often left you feeling both guilty and heartbroken, even though none of them were actually about you. From the articles and posting, you could tell that having a secret relationship wasn’t going to be easy. Many of the rumors came from random passersby snapping shots of the alleged couple with their cell phones. There was no hiding from the eyes of the media, with everyone being a potential journalist.

During this time, with Yongguk not beside you, your negativity had settled deeply, burying its roots into your heart. Determined that the two of you were not going to have a future, you’d started researching opportunities to go overseas seriously. You’d always wanted to travel and help people, but always thought you were going to do it when you were more financially stable. Now, though, seemed like the best time to do it, even if it meant you had to take a year off from school. Yongguk was just establishing his career, and you knew that if you tried to break up with him, he’d try everything to dissuade you. Memories of two years ago confirmed that you being around would just distract him. You didn’t want to put him in the position where he had to choose between you and his music, knowing how important it was to him. The only option you had was to leave.

Sighing, you closed a window about village children in Cambodia. Could you really leave? You clicked another link and a photo of you and Himchan opened up. It was a recent photo, of you with your arms around his neck, hugging him from the back as he made a funny face. What were you going to tell your brother? Were you really going to leave him at a time when he was really busy and needed someone to take care of him? You scrolled through the comments. Most of them were about how close you looked, how alike you looked et cetera. The comments about siblings were usually nice, but how would they react if they knew this same person was Bang Yong Guk’s girlfriend?

As you pondered this gloomily, your phone buzzed with a text message. It was Himchan. “Come soon! We’re hungry! ^^”

Putting aside your worries for now, you got up to change and play your role of food delivery girl again.

The show was amazing. It was hard to believe that it was only three days after their debut and thousands of fans had shown up, chanting their names and singing along to their songs. You smiled throughout the night and congratulated them from the bottom of your heart because you were genuinely proud of them, even though you were surer now than ever that you needed to step aside. You even smiled through Yongguk’s performance of ‘I Remember’, even though you knew he was going to feel like this about you again if he knew what you were thinking. You smiled through the celebratory dinner after that, with all the staff and production crew, playing the role of the supportive sister beside Himchan the whole night, ignoring the meaningful glances that Yongguk was shooting you. You smiled and smiled, even though your heart was numb.

Finally, the tiring night ended, and people started leaving. The boys, their seniors from Secret and some of the TS staff remained, chatting happily, but you were tired from faking your cheerfulness and didn’t feel up to it. Standing and putting on your coat, you bowed to the table. “I feel a little tired, so I’m gonna head home first. Enjoy yourselves!”

“Call me when you get home,” Himchan said in his usual naggy fashion. You nodded. “Bye, everyone!”

Everyone at the table just waved and went back to whatever they were doing, but Yongguk stood. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

You wanted to decline his offer, since you could feel a few eyes (including your brother’s) staring at the two of you weirdly, but he’d already gotten up and was walking ahead of you, so you followed, confused.

“Oppa, you look suspicious,” you said, grabbing his arm to stop him when you were out of the restaurant. “You’d better go back in.”

“I don’t care,” he replied, turning to face you, and you could see that he was worried. “You’re behaving strangely tonight. Is something wrong?”

You shook your head and forced a smile. “No. I’m happy.”

“You’re lying,” he stated.

You sighed. “You know, it’s really tiring talking to you. If you already have an answer in your mind, why ask me? It feels like I have to guess the right answer.”

“You wouldn’t have to if you just decided to be honest,” he replied, furrowing his brow in frustration, and at that moment, you realized that only you brought out all these unhappy feelings in him. Usually, he never got angry or upset, even when all the dongsaengs were unruly. He always took everything in his stride and reacted with a bright smile to most things, but only you brought out his frowns.

“Look, I’m sorry I haven’t had any time to spend with you in a really long time,” he said, softening when you didn’t answer. “Tomorrow, we’ll have a filming schedule in the morning, but I have the rest of the day free. I’ll come over to your place and we’ll just hang out, just the two of us. Okay?”

You hesitated.

“Babe, please,” he pleaded, pulling you in for a hug. “Come on. You know I worry when you look so unhappy. I know you’re upset that we haven’t had much time together, but we’ll figure things out together okay? Trust me.”

You wanted with every fiber of your being to believe him, to believe that the two of you would be able to sort things out if you just spent some time together. And for a moment, as you melted into the comfort of his embrace, you did. His arms had this incredible ability to make you feel like you were protected from every obstacle the world was going to throw at you, and that nothing could touch you as long as you stayed close to him. You had just started to feel yourself nodding when someone spoke loudly beside you.

“Noona!”

You jumped away from Yongguk, but as soon as you’d detached yourself from him, you felt someone else envelope you in a crushing hug. “Sorry, noona, but I have to do this,” Daehyun whispered to you as he held you for a few seconds before letting go. The rest of the boys took turns coming to you and hugging you enthusiastically, and it wasn’t until a while later that you realized what was going on when you spotted their manager standing some distance away. He was doing damage control because he had spotted the two of you locked in an embrace in public. He was turning the “Yongguk dating Himchan’s sister?” articles into “Himchan’s sister on good terms with BAP members” articles. He was saving both of you from overnight Internet infamy.

Numbly, you played along. Himchan was last, and when he came to you, he seemed genuinely sorry, even though you’d have expected him to say he told you so. “Pabo,” he said when he put his arms around you, patting your head. “Couldn’t you have found a dark corner first?”

You had no words left, and no energy to articulate them even if you did. You let your brother usher you to your car, and as you left, you caught sight of Yongguk’s face. His eyes communicated sadness and apologies. You wanted desperately to believe him, that he was going to make everything alright again, but how long could you keep deluding yourselves?