The first few days you were there, you tried very hard to keep yourself together. After all, you were there to help the less fortunate and not everything was about you. Nevertheless, you couldn’t help crying yourself to sleep at night, thinking of how you’d walked away from everything you had without a word. You’d brought Yongguk’s shirt with you, the one he’d left at your place the last time he’d gone over, and you slept in it during the cold nights. Having it with you comforted you a little, but also made you sad thinking of how mad he was at the airport. Every morning when you woke up, you packed it carefully among the rest of your clothes, trying to preserve his scent as long as you could.

The village was nice. It wasn’t as bad as you’d imagined, since they had running water and electricity in their houses. Most days, you and the rest of the volunteers helped by building a new school for the children in the village. Although the women also helped out, the men did most of the manual labor while you spent a lot of time in the dilapidated old school compound, which was a small, barely furnished hut where the kids huddled around a few large tables and benches. When it rained, the roof leaked and the windows shook so much that it was almost impossible for the kids to hear their teachers.

Separate from the other volunteers, however, you spent most of your time at a makeshift orphanage in the village. It wasn’t so much of a proper orphanage as a kind elderly lady opening up her house for the orphans of the village. She housed about twenty young children whose parents had either passed away or were working in the city. Since she was very old and could hardly handle all the boisterous kids, you helped her out by doing the chores around the house and playing with the kids when you could. Because of the language barrier, you could only communicate with them through basic English and the universal language, music. The old lady had an old organ, and even though you’d given up piano lessons after a couple of years as a kid, you could play simple nursery rhymes, and the children loved that. They’d all huddle around and listen to you play, singing the songs they’d learnt in school, and their innocence lightened your heavy heart.

Of course, you had a more selfish reason for spending so much time at this house. These kids were the beneficiaries of the account that you and Yongguk had set up back in Seoul before you left.

Hyori and Hyunwoo, of course, noticed that you were upset, but they left you alone and didn’t probe until one night, when the three of you were sitting outside one of the huts and enjoying the night breeze.

“How are you doing so far?” Hyori started off the conversation by asking. “Is it tough?”

You shook your head. “The heat takes a bit of getting used to, but being around all these kids makes me feel really happy. And you’re right, the air is really fresh out here.”

“Are you missing your family?” she asked further, and you noticed gratefully that she was tactfully avoiding talking about the crazy scene she’d witnessed at the airport.

“I guess,” you said, looking down and biting your lip. “I live alone, but I’ve never really been away from my family. They’re all within driving distance, so I visit whenever I want. I miss my brother, especially. We’re really close.”

“Ah, that’s the guy we saw at the airport right?” Hyunwoo piped up, and Hyori shot him a glare immediately, which you caught.

“You guys don’t have to skirt around the issue,” you said. “I’m really sorry you guys had to witness that, but we just have a lot of unresolved issues. And yeah, that guy that came with him is my brother.”

Hyori put a hand on your arm. “Hana ya, I don’t want to nag, but you young people really take relationships too lightly. Shouldn’t you have talked things out with him properly before you left? Don’t you feel that you came here with a heavy heart because you didn’t make things clear first?”

“Yeah, and he might now be thinking you ran away with me,” Hyunwoo pointed out.

“I’m sorry,” you said quickly. “I didn’t mean to…”

“That’s okay,” he replied, laughing. “I didn’t really mind having my hand held by a pretty girl.”

“Sorry,” you repeated, feeling kind of bad that the two of them were constantly so concerned about you when you’d known each other for such a short time. “I’m not really a good person, am I? You all came here to help the less fortunate and I came here to run away from a relationship.”

Hyori laughed. “Silly girl. When you see those big corporations donating millions of dollars, do you think they really care about bettering the world? What does it matter why you’re here, when you are here and you’re doing a good thing? All the kids really love you.”

Hyunwoo patted your back. “Besides, you’re not a bad person. Even good people have problems in their lives. Hyori noona’s right though. You should probably talk to him so the poor guy won’t spend the rest of the year wondering what happened. You can drive right?”

You nodded.

“Every week we’ll drive into town to get supplies and pick up mail and stuff in the Jeep,” Hyunwoo told you. “There’s a cyber café there. You can call your family and your boyfriend and talk to them over a webcam. We probably won’t get to go every week since everyone will want to take turns, but when it’s your turn, please promise us you’ll talk to him.”

You nodded, but you didn’t really intend to keep this promise. You knew Yongguk. If you spoke to him too soon, he was either going to flare up and demand that you go home right away, or he was going to be all upset and say things that he’d regret. You needed to give him some time to cool down before saying anything to him. In the meantime, you’d just check on him through Himchan.

Two weeks later, you got to go to a small town four hours’ drive away from the village. You called Himchan first.

“Oppa!” you exclaimed, waving excitedly at the camera when he picked up the video call.

“Ya, pabo!” he replied, giving you a stern look even though you could tell he was happy to see you. You noticed he had his hair and makeup done and seemed to be in his stage costume, even though the resolution was quite grainy.

“Where are you, oppa?” you asked. “Are you busy?”

“I just finished a performance at a broadcast station,” he told you. Then, looking around, he whispered, “Wait, let me find a quiet place.”

You waited as the screen turned black, although you could hear the sounds of many people moving around in the background. Himchan must have put his phone into his pocket. You heard someone ask where he was going, and Himchan’s muffled reply that he was going to the washroom. After a while, when his face reappeared, the background was quiet. “Ya, how are you calling me?”

“I’m at a cyber café, oppa,” you answered. “I can come here every few weeks to get supplies, and I have a couple hours to call home. I’ll call omma and appa after this. I have an address too. I’ll send it to you so you can send me stuff.”

“Okay,” he said, flashing you and “okay” sign with three fingers. “How are you doing over there? I don’t know if it’s the lighting, but you look darker.”

“I’m in the sun a lot,” you explained, grinning. “It’s alright though. No one here bothers if I’m not glowing or not wearing any makeup. There are no men for me to seduce here.”

At your words, Himchan’s expression turned slightly darker. “Ya, trust you to joke about these things. Yonggukkie is really mad. I think you really pushed him over the edge this time.”

Sighing, you looked down at the keyboard. “How is he?”

“He doesn’t tell us anything, as usual,” Himchan pointed out. “But he’s been hiding in his room a lot, and some nights he comes home so drunk that our manager gets really mad at him. The scary thing is, the next day, he acts as if everything is normal again. He smiles so much and he looks so happy that he can’t be alright. Are you going to talk to him?”

“Not so soon,” you said. “Maybe when he calms down a little. Don’t tell him you’ve spoken to me.”

“Why do you think I’m hiding?” Himchan asked. “He’ll blow up again if he knows I’m talking to you.”

You talked to your brother for a little while more before he had to hang up, and then called your parents, and then it was time to go.

When you came back to the village, the kids welcomed you excitedly, swarming around you to collect the packages that their sponsors had sent them. They’d get presents, photos, postcards, letters… It was especially exciting for the orphans because their sponsors were the closest they had to a parental relationship, even though they weren’t physically present. You were watching the kids rip their envelopes open excitedly when one of the younger girls, whom everyone knew as Da, came up to you and tugged at your hand.

“Yes, Da?” you asked gently in English, picking her up and seating her in your lap. She held out her letter to you, and you could see that it was written in Korean. Taking the letter from her, you noticed that it came along with a photo, and in the photo were the smiling faces of you and Yongguk.

Seeing the photo stunned you for a moment, but you quickly recovered and scanned the contents of the letter, confirming that it was indeed sent by him. The letter said:

Hello, Da!

Thank you for sending us that beautiful drawing. In your letter, you said you have no parents, so if you want, you can think of us as your parents. I will continue to write letters to you and you can write to me too. I sent you a photo of me and your other sponsor so you can see how we look like. Why don’t you send me a photo of you too?

Just to tell you a bit about myself, I am 23 and I am a singer in Korea. Do you like music? I can send you my CD if you would like to listen to it, although you might not understand the words. Your substitute mom is 22 and she is a student. She is very kind and beautiful, but she will not be able to write to you now because she is away helping more children like you, so I will write to you for now. You can write to me about anything, and keep sending those pretty drawings!

I can’t wait for your reply!

Love, Yongguk appa

You felt tears coming to your eyes, but you smiled as the girl pointed excitedly to the girl in the photo, and then to you, nodding. “Yes, that’s me.” You stood up hurriedly, swiping at your disobedient tears with the back of your hand, but it wasn’t long before some of the other kids had run up to you, flashing the same photo in their letters.

You couldn’t believe that he still included you in his letters even though you weren’t with him anymore. You didn’t know what to make of his gesture, but it broke your heart, knowing how much you’d hurt this amazing person.

That night, it rained. Like so many other nights, you cried yourself to sleep, missing that one rainy day not too long ago.