When Dongwoon kissed you, warning signs went off in your head. Your entire body froze and it was only after a moment that you regained enough control over your limbs to place your palms firmly against his chest and push him away.

“What are you doing?” you demanded, panicking. This couldn’t be happening. If Yongguk found out… You caught yourself in time. So what if he found out? Would he care?

Dongwoon reached for you again, but you flinched, moving your whole body away from him. He put his hands down and clasped them together, sighing deeply. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

You stared at him in shock for a while, both of you silent. You couldn’t believe he’d just done that. How blind must you have been not to notice that he still harbored hopes of you and him getting back together? The possibility of it had never even crossed your mind. You thought you were perceptive when it came to the feelings of people around you, but apparently not. In a way, you felt kind of betrayed. He’d let you believe that you could trust him to be a good friend and now he was telling you that he still had feelings for you when you were at your lowest. Okay, maybe it wasn’t his fault that you hadn’t picked up on it. He had been a good friend this whole time, whether he had other motives for it or not. You didn’t know whether to blame him or to blame yourself for being stupid.

“I can’t deal with this right now,” you said finally. “I think you should go.”

His eyes were sorrowful when he looked at you again. “Hana, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I really don’t want to push you. I just…”

“I would really prefer it if you left right now,” you cut him off coldly.

Dongwoon sighed deeply, and you knew that he really felt horrible about what he’d just done. Your heart softened. He wasn’t a bad person. If anyone was to blame for this whole mess, it was you.

He got up soundlessly and walked towards the door. You remained where you were on the floor, careful to avoid looking directly at his eyes. He opened the door and paused. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

Instead of answering, you turned your head away and didn’t turn back until you heard the door closing. Then, you let out the sigh that you’d been holding, and more tears fell. What were you supposed to do? What were you supposed to feel? Why was it that when it came to your life, nothing was ever simple?

You went to work the next morning feeling like you’d been in a head-on collision with a bullet train. You slipped into the office with a beanie low on your head, sunglasses covering your dark circles, wishing you could just disappear into the furniture. Unfortunately, you worked with a hip hop group and with the bass thumping through the speakers, peace was a luxury you didn’t have.

The moment you took your seat next to Yongguk, you could feel the air turn frosty. He barely looked at you as he handed your headset to you and barked out some instructions. You merely nodded and did what you were told. Honestly, you had such a bad hangover that you would have agreed to anything, just to avoid having to talk. You sat quietly beside him, supervising the recording, but you felt so sluggish that at some point, you didn’t know how or when, you ended up falling asleep in your chair.

You were awoken by the sound of something slamming on the table beside you. You jolted awake to find a pair of angry eyes staring at you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Yongguk demanded. The room grew silent as everyone started staring.

You rubbed your hands over your face, mortified. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Is this all a joke to you? Do you not want to be here?”

Frankly, you didn’t want to be there at that moment. You were exhausted; your entire body felt like it was going to fall apart, and your brain was reluctant to function. You wished you’d called in sick this morning instead of sitting there and facing the wrath of Bang PD. “I’m sorry,” you repeated, having no energy to argue.

“If you know you have to come to work in the morning, you shouldn’t have enjoyed yourself so much last night,” he snapped, his fiery eyes threatening to burn holes through your head. He snatched your headphones from you. “Go wash your face or have some coffee, whatever. Come back when you’re ready to work.”

Normally, you wouldn’t have sat there and let him humiliate you like that. However, your head was throbbing just from him raising his voice, and you couldn’t muster enough strength to fight. You just sighed and pushed your chair back, calmly standing and heading for the staff lounge.

You’d barely sunk into a chair when Himchan stalked in after you, a frown on his face.

“Ya, are you crazy?”

You closed your eyes and leaned back, seriously not caring if you were yelled at again. “What?”

Your brother pulled up a chair next to you. “What’s going on between you and Son Dongwoon? After all that has happened, how can you…” He paused, realizing you weren’t listening to him. He grabbed your shoulder and shook you. “Ya, I’m talking to you!”

“What?” you snapped, sitting up and glaring at him. “How can I what? I’m sick of everyone telling me what I shouldn’t do. Why don’t you tell me what I should do for once? What the hell am I supposed to do?” His gaze softened when he saw how much he’d upset you, and he withdrew his hand, silent for a moment. You felt bad for yelling at your brother when he’d done nothing wrong, but you couldn’t control the emotions that were welling up from within you. Tears blurred your vision as you looked at your brother. “Tell me, oppa. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just shut off all my emotions and just come to work every day pretending everything is normal when it isn’t?”

Himchan let out a long sigh. “You’re still in love with Yongguk, aren’t you?”

 You didn’t respond, but you didn’t have to anyway.

“I don’t know what to tell you other than to give him time,” he said gently. “He may seem like he’s over you, but I know he’s not. Sooner or later, he’s going to realize that he loves you more than he thinks he does, and he’s going to come around. But until then, you can’t be hanging around with Son Dongwoon.”

You rolled your eyes. You didn’t need another reminder of how many problems you had. “I wasn’t ‘hanging around’ with him. I bumped into him and he sent me home because I was kind of tipsy.”

“Oppa knows you’re not that kind of girl,” he told you. “But the whole building heard you two on the way to your apartment last night. People jump to unsavory conclusions, and I have a feeling that’s the reason why Yongguk is extra grumpy today.”

“Even if something happens, it’s none of his business,” you retorted. “He’s made it pretty clear that we’re just colleagues.”

“But if he isn’t over you, do you really want to be doing things that could kill off all your chances of getting back together?” You ignored him and closed your eyes again, leaning back in your chair. “You two are idiots,” he proclaimed, shaking his head. “Ya, are you okay? You look like crap.”

“Thanks,” you answered sarcastically. “Really nice to know that my external appearance matches what I feel inside.”

“Seriously, are you sick?” He placed a hand on your forehead. “It feels like your temperature is a little on the high side.”

You pushed his hand away. “I’m just a little hung-over. Can you try to find me some aspirin?”

He moved to the cabinets and started opening random doors, trying to find aspirin. “You can’t take aspirin on an empty stomach though. Have you had breakfast?”

“I don’t think I can stomach any food right now.”

He shook his head at you. “You’re impossible. I’ll make you some cup ramyun.”

“I don’t—”

“I’m not going to watch you kill yourself,” he interrupted you, unwrapping a red instant noodles cup. “After you eat and take the pills, you’re going back home and straight to bed.”

You gave up trying to protest and just watched him bustle around the pantry. You knew better than to argue when Himchan was in full-on mother mode. All that could ever come out of it was a long lecture that you really didn’t need at the moment.

A few minutes later, your brother came over bearing the cup of steaming hot noodles. Then, he sat down in the chair directly in front of you and leaned closer, resting his elbows on his knees as he stared directly at you. That meant that he was going to watch you and make sure you ate. You scowled at him and picked up the cup. You blew on the hot noodles before you brought your chopsticks tentatively towards your mouth. Just the smell of it was making your stomach turn, but you knew you had to eat. It felt like your head would explode if you delayed the aspirin any longer.

Everything was okay for the first few seconds. You chewed and swallowed, and the hot food comforted your stomach a little. You were about to attempt a second mouthful when it happened – your stomach churned, and rejected what you’d just ingested. That sickening feeling rose up so quickly that you wouldn’t have made it to the nearest bin had it not been right beside you. You practically flung yourself at it as you gagged and hurled. The fluid burned your throat when it came back up. There wasn’t much food in your stomach, so most of what came out was acid. You felt Himchan rush to your side, rubbing your back as you threw up. When you were done, he gave you napkins and a glass of water.

You slumped back against your seat, even more exhausted than ever. You wiped your face with the napkins and drank the water. Tears were streaming down your face from the choking and gagging, but you felt so sick and helpless that you felt like crying anyway. Not only was your heart completely battered, your body had decided to give out too. Perfect. Just perfect.

“And you say you’re not sick,” Himchan chided gently, his concern apparent despite the disapproving tone of his voice.

“I’m fine. I’ve just been feeling a little sick the past few days because I haven’t been eating and sleeping well.”

“I don’t care what you say. I’m taking you to a doctor right now.”

You resisted weakly when he tried to help you to your feet. “But you still have to record…”

“I’ll come back later,” he insisted firmly. “I’m going to get you to a doctor, and then I’m going to make sure I see you tucked into bed with my own eyes.”

You surrendered and let him drag you out of the staff lounge. He was going to nag and you knew there was nothing you could do to stop it.

“You may think you’re a big girl but you’ve proven that you can’t take care of yourself, so oppa is going to do it. I don't want to hear anymore arguments.”

Author's note:

School's getting a tad busier these past couple of weeks, so my updates may be a little slow... Thank you guys for waiting patiently!

I love reading your comments, btw. The ones I got with the last chapter really cracked me up. It was so interesting how everyone has a different opinion, and I love it when that happens! I thought most of you would be rooting for the HanGuk couple, but we have some HanWoon shippers now, which I suppose is understandable. But then there are the HanDae shippers, which I totally did not expect. I suppose my writing subconsciously reflects how my fangirl heart keeps fluttering over Dae *sigh* Recently, I've been obsessing over Block B as well, so my next story might not even be about Yongguk or BAP... My fickle, fickle heart. I guess when the time comes, I'll see if I lose all my readers :/

Thanks for spending your time reading/commenting, and I'll try to update quicker! 

xx.