You sat curled up on the floor for a long time after Yongguk left, sobbing your heart out. After a while, the tears dried up and you had no energy left to cry, but still, you remained in that position. You could hear your phone buzzing on the table, but you ignored it. You’d realized about five calls ago that it was Dongwoon desperately trying to reach you, but you weren’t in the mood to talk to him. It didn’t matter what he said now; Yongguk was gone. You didn’t know how long you stayed there, staring into space, before your doorbell rang.

For a moment, your heart leaped with the hope that it was Yongguk, and that he’d changed his mind and was coming back to you. You scrambled to your feet and checked the intercom, only to see your brother’s face. Pushing aside your disappointment, you wiped your face and raked your fingers quickly through your hair, trying to fix yourself up a little so he wouldn’t worry. You opened the door and smiled at him, but he saw through your act in a split second.

“Hana ya,” he said, stepping in and enveloping you in a hug. He pushed your head into his shoulder and your hair without another word. Somehow, his tender gesture set you off again and a fresh bout of tears flooded out. “Oppa knows it hurts, but you have to be strong, okay?”

Hearing that, you knew that Yongguk had already told him what had happened. You also realized with a sinking feeling the finality of his words. If even Himchan wasn’t trying to help the two of you make up again, you knew that it was over for good. That made you cry even harder. You stood there, clinging on to your brother and wishing you were kids again so he could protect you and make all your problems go away. He pulled away after a while, closing the door behind you and guiding you towards the couch so you could sit down.

“You haven’t eaten anything, have you?” Himchan asked, concern etched on his face. “I’ll cook you some ramyun.”

“I’m not hungry,” you insisted, hugging your legs close to your body and curling up into a ball.

“Ya, you’ll die if you don’t eat,” your brother scolded, bustling into the kitchen anyway. “Do you think starving yourself is going to solve anything?”

“Just leave me alone and let me die,” you grumbled, closing your eyes and wishing you could bury yourself in the couch and just cease to exist. Isn’t it funny how people think heartache is an emotion? At that moment, you felt the pain in your chest so acutely that it had to be a physical condition. It wasn’t the first time that you and Yongguk had broken up. Why did it hurt so much worse than all those other times? And why were you so sure that this time, he wasn’t going to wait for you to go back to him?

A few minutes later, Himchan returned with a steaming hot bowl of noodles. He sat beside you, but you buried your face in the couch, refusing to accept the food he was offering. “Ya, Kim Hana! How old do you think you are? Are you waiting for me to feed you?”

You ignored him.

He sighed. “Come on, you have to eat something. Be good just this once, okay? Do you know how much it’s hurting oppa to see you like this?”

At that last comment, you reluctantly looked up at him. He already had that motherly expression on his face, and the way he was looking at you worriedly made you feel guilty. When he blew on a small portion of ramyun and moved the chopsticks towards you, you opened your mouth and let him feed you. You gave him a small smile. “This reminds me of the time you broke your fingers.”

Himchan smiled back at you. “Looks like we still need each other even though we’re all grown up.”

“Oppa…” You paused, giving him a grateful look. “Thank you.”

“Pabo. If I don’t take care of you, who will?”

Right. You had no one else.

Despite yourself, your face fell. Realizing he’d said the wrong thing, he quickly fed you another mouthful of noodles. You waved him away when he tried to feed you again a third time. You hadn’t eaten in such a long time that having food in your stomach was making you nauseous.

Your phone buzzed again, and Himchan looked at the table, setting the bowl down. “Someone’s calling…” Then, he caught sight of the caller display. “Why the hell is he still calling you?”

“I don’t know,” you replied. “Just ignore it. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”

You reached for the phone and rejected the call. Two seconds later, another call came through again. Himchan gave an irritated ‘tsk’. “I’ll answer.” Before you could stop him, he’d picked up the phone. “What do you want?” he snapped without a greeting. You watched his expression, which was one of annoyance. “How dare you still call Hana after all the trouble you’ve caused?” He paused. “No, she doesn’t want to talk to you.” You gestured for him to hang up, but he waved you aside. “Hell no.” You watched as his expression softened. “Oh. Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Your eyes widened in horror as he recited your address.

“What the hell are you doing?” you hissed at Himchan, swatting frantically at him. He waved his hand in a gesture for you to wait.

“Okay, I’ll see you in five minutes.”

He hung up and you gaped at him. “What did you just do?”

“You said you couldn’t remember what happened last night right?” he asked. “He’s coming over now to explain.”

You groaned and buried your face in your hands. “Oppa, I don’t want to see him. I don’t need him to explain anything. It’s too late anyway.”

“Well, maybe Yongguk would change his mind if—”

“He’s not going to,” you interrupted him. “This incident was just a catalyst. There were other reasons why he…” You inhaled. It still hurt to say it. “Broke up with me.”

“Don’t you want to know what happened?” Himchan questioned. “I think you’d want to hear this. He says there was someone else with you two in his apartment last night.”

There was?

You didn’t have to wait too long to find out who it was. When your brother had said five minutes, you hadn’t expected Dongwoon to really show up that fast, but moments later, he was dragging a reluctant Soojung behind him as he strode into your apartment. He was wearing a pair of sunglasses, which he took off to reveal an ugly purple bruise that was already forming around his left eye. “Hana, you have to listen to me,” he said immediately, tugging Soojung as he moved towards you. “Soojung was with us all night, and the two of you slept in my bed while I crashed on the couch.” He nudged Soojung. “Tell her.”

Soojung rolled her eyes, obviously unwilling. “I don’t see why I have to, when you were dying for them to break up anyway.”

“Be serious,” he hissed at her.

Soojung had a bored look on her face as she scanned the apartment. Her eyes brightened when she caught sight of Himchan, sitting on the couch and watching with a curious expression. Dongwoon followed her line of sight and bowed hurriedly when he spotted Himchan. Soojung took a step forward. “Unnie, you never told me your boyfriend was an idol.”

“Brother,” he corrected her, standing to greet her.

“Oh? That’s interesting,” she commented, moving over to offer her hand. “My name is Im Soojung.”

He shook it awkwardly. “Kim Himchan.”

“I know,” she answered, beaming. “BAP’s Himchan.”

“That’s enough,” Dongwoon said shortly, pulling her back. “I didn’t bring you here to make friends. We caused a mess and we have to fix it.”

Himchan gave Dongwoon a sympathetic look. “Sister?”

“No, thank god,” Dongwoon replied.

“Part-time lover,” Soojung chimed in with an airy giggle.

Dongwoon glared at her sharply. “Do you think you’re funny?”

Soojung rolled her eyes again. “Can you just relax?” She turned to you, taking your hand. “Unnie, Dongwoon oppa didn’t do anything inappropriate. He really did give us his bed and slept on the couch outside.” She grinned mischievously. “If anyone touched you, it would have to be me. Tell your boyfriend that.”

“The clothes,” Dongwoon prompted, prodding her arm.

“You were struggling and complaining that your dress was uncomfortable when we were trying to put you in bed, so I changed you,” Soojung told you. “I swear, he didn’t even try to look or anything. Although technically, he’s probably already seen it all, but—”

“Stop,” Dongwoon commanded, irritation evident in his voice.

Himchan cleared his throat loudly, making a display of his discomfort. He always reacted like this whenever anyone made any references to you that were ual in any way. He knew that you were an adult, but he couldn’t bear hearing his baby sister being talked about like that.

Throughout the whole conversation, you’d remained silent, but you finally found your voice. “Why weren’t you there in the morning then?”

“Dongwoon oppa sent me to pick up breakfast for us,” she explained. “By the time I got back, you were gone. Seriously, if your boyfriend had arrived ten minutes later, the misunderstanding could have been avoided.”

“We sped right down from the airport,” Himchan commented with a frown. “He was so upset he kept urging Suk Goo hyung to drive faster.”

Soojung perked up. “You were there too?”

“We all were,” your brother answered. “The BAP members. We were waiting in the car downstairs.”

“Wait, so your boyfriend is another member in BAP?” she practically shrieked at you. “This is so exciting! Who is it? Don’t tell me! Is it Jung Daehyun? That boy is absolutely delicious.”

Dongwoon shot her another glare. “You seriously need to stop talking now.”

You smiled at her, patronizing. She wasn’t a part of this whole mess after all. You couldn’t expect her to understand how horrible you felt at the moment. At the very least, hearing her explanation did help you feel a little bit better. “It doesn’t matter. He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

“Well, he will be again after he hears this,” Himchan pointed out. “He needs to know that this whole thing was a misunderstanding.”

“We can explain it all to him,” Dongwoon offered, nodding.

“Do you have a death wish?” Himchan cut in, pointing to Dongwoon’s black eye. “Do you want to make that a pair?”

Soojung raised her hand. “I’ll go.”

“We should give him some time to cool down,” Himchan said, looking at you. “And I’ll tell him when I get the chance.”

“Don’t bother,” you said, much to everyone’s surprise. “I already said, this wasn’t the only reason why we broke up. It wouldn’t change anything. I appreciate all your concern, but right now, I just want to be left alone for a while, okay?”

Dongwoon stepped forward. “But…”

“I’m tired,” you interrupted him. “I’d really like to take a nap now.”

He stared at you, looking like he wanted to argue with you, but sighed after a moment, resigned. “Alright. We’re leaving. Call me if you need anything.”

Soojung bounded over and gave you a hug before the two of them left. “Take care of yourself, unnie.”

You sank back down onto the couch and Himchan turned to you after he closed the door behind your guests. “Hana ya, listen to oppa…”

“Oppa, I’d really like to be alone,” you told him. “I don’t care if you tell him about Soojung, and I don’t think it’d make any difference. We’re just not working out anymore, and I’m so tired of fighting.”

“You can’t let it end on a silly misunderstanding…”

“Please,” you cut in. “I’m really tired.”

Himchan sighed as you curled up on the couch, turning your body away from him. Silence settled over the room for a while, and you heard him moving. Then, you felt a blanket being draped over your body before he let himself out.

You let your tears fall again after your brother left. Somehow, knowing that nothing had transpired between Dongwoon and you last night didn’t soothe you as much as it probably should. You knew that Yongguk might be a little relieved to hear that, but it wasn’t going to change his mind because there was so much more that was wrong with your relationship. If he’d left you because you’d made a mistake, it probably wouldn’t hurt that much. What really hurt was that he thought you were wrong for each other all along.

And maybe he was right.