The week that followed that night, you didn’t return to the studio. Yongguk had texted you a few days afterwards to ask if you were going over, but you’d ignored it and he hadn’t tried a second time. A couple of times, Himchan had asked you over for a meal with the guys, but you’d ignored those too. You just couldn’t handle all of that right now. Not until you’ve sorted out all your thoughts. At the same time that you told yourself you had to deal with your mess of complicated feelings, you did everything you could to avoid the task. The days started to fill up. Apart from going to classes, you went to the gym more often, went for meals with your friends, went shopping… By the time your head hit the pillow at night, you were too tired to think, and that was the perfect situation for you.

Tonight, you were attending a friend’s birthday party at a club in Hongdae. After that intense week of not dealing with your feelings, some alcohol and loud music seemed like the perfect release for all the pent-up frustration. And it was fun, just catching up with your friends from high school and drinking, even though you weren’t much of a drinker. You were already tipsy and sitting with some friends at a table when the call came.

“Hello?” you said into the phone in a giggly voice higher in pitch than your usual voice, without checking the caller ID to see who had called.

“It’s me,” the caller replied, sounding almost surprised that you’d even picked up. The voice was unmistakable—the low, deep voice of none other than Bang Yong Guk. In normal circumstances, you would have tried to keep your cool, but under the influence of too much alcohol, you just couldn’t. You hung up.

“Who is it?” the friend sitting beside you asked, leaning in.

You tossed the phone into her lap, laughing. “I don’t want to talk to him!”

The phone rang again, and your friend, also intoxicated, answered for you. “Ya, she doesn’t want to talk to you!” she yelled into the phone, and hung up. The two of you burst into giggles for the next few minutes, as if you were two schoolgirls who’d just gotten away with a prank.

A few minutes later, the phone buzzed again, and you waved it away as your friend tried to pass it to you. “It’s your brother this time!” she insisted, pressing the phone into your hand. “I think you’re in trouble.”

Trying to contain your laughter, you answered. “Yes, oppa?”

“Ya, where are you?” Himchan’s voice barked through the phone. “Are you at a club? Are you drunk?”

You couldn’t hold your giggles. “Yes.” Collapsing into a fit of laughter, you passed your phone to a more sober girl in the group. “Tell him I’m fine please.”

“Hello?” she answered, straining to hear with the noise in the background. “Yes… she’s just slightly drunk… Don’t worry, we will make sure she gets home safe. Yes… Yes… Bye.”

Smiling brightly, you put your arms around the shoulders of the two girls beside you and hugged them to you. “I love you guys! A toast to you!”

You don’t know how long you spent in that giggly mood, downing more drinks than you should have. All you felt was glad that you didn’t have to think about anything. You didn’t have to think about Bang Yong Guk…

...Who was now standing in front of you.

You didn’t know if he was really there, or if you’d just imagined him, so you just stared at him, confused. It wasn’t until he grabbed your arm and pulled you to your feet that you realized it really was him, in the flesh. In a panic to break free, you wrenched your arm from his grip, and nearly lost your balance. Quickly, his arm shot out and wrapped around your waist, putting you upright again.

“Sorry guys, I think Hana has had enough for tonight,” he said politely to your friends at the table, with a slight bow. “I’m going to send her home now.”

“I’m not going with you,” you protested, looking at your friends for help.

“Wait, isn’t this your crazy ex-boyfriend?” the other drunk girl piped up, and was immediately shushed.

Yongguk took it all in his stride. “Yes, that’s me. But her brother sent me here to get her, so don’t worry, she’s safe with me.”

“Stupid Himchan oppa,” you grumbled as you let him lead you away. What did he know? How could he ask the person you’ve been trying to avoid all week to come see you at your most vulnerable moment? It didn’t matter anyway. You were sleepy now, and fell asleep on his shoulder for the whole taxi ride until he shook you awake and helped you out.

After the ride, the solid ground suddenly felt unstable, and you buckled, falling first onto the pavement before Yongguk could catch you. He tried to help you up, but you waved him away. “I feel sick.” Very unglamorously, you crawled to a patch of grass and retched.

Not saying a word, he crouched beside you and gently held your hair back, patting your back to help you feel better. When it was all out of your system, you fell back and he was there to catch you. “Can you walk?” You nodded, and he gently removed your four-inch heels from your feet and picked them up, slinging your little handbag over his shoulder before reaching out a hand to help you up. All his sweet little gestures made you feel an urge to cry, but you let him help you up to your apartment. You let him prepare a warm towel for you to wipe your face with, and you let him tuck you into bed. He made you feel like a little girl all over again, and it felt, painful as it was to admit, really nice.

“Are you leaving?” you asked softly before your eyelids fluttered shut.

He your face with a reassuring hand. “Sleep. I’ll be here.”

When you woke up the next morning, the first thing you noticed was Yongguk beside you. He was fast asleep, but not exactly in bed with you. Instead, he was sitting upright, his back against the headboard, his entire body above the covers, hugging a pillow upon which his head was drooping. It looked really uncomfortable, and as you sat up in your bed, the movement woke him.

“You’re awake,” he commented, stretching. You could hear all the bones in his back and neck cracking.

“You didn’t have to…” you said, gesturing to his posture. “Isn’t it uncomfortable?”

He was sheepish as he shook his head. “I didn’t want you to think… that I, uh…” Not wanting to engage in this conversation, you slipped out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

“Are you feeling okay?” he called after you.

“Yeah, thanks,” you answered. “I’m just gonna wash up.”

He was still there, stretching his body in the living room when you came out of the shower. “Are you hungry? Do you want to get breakfast?”

You bit your lip. “Look, I’m really thankful for what you did last night, but you really don’t have to… We’re not…”

“We’re not what?” he asked, point blank. You didn’t know how to answer that, so you remained silent. “We’re not what, Hana? How long are you going to keep running away every time something happens that you don’t want to deal with?”

“I’m not running away.”

“Yes, you are,” he insisted, his voice raising. “You do this all the time. You ran away two years ago, and you’re running away now. Is it so hard to talk about things and make a decision together rather than you just doing whatever you want without asking me what I want?”

“What do you want then?” you asked, exasperated and feeling a little cornered.

He crossed the distance between the two of you in a few quick strides. “You, Kim Ha Na. I want you.”

You shrank away when he tried to hold you by the shoulders, but he held you tightly, resolutely against his body. “No, you listen to me right now. The past two years, I tried so hard to forget you. I channeled all this anger towards you to replace all the hurt I felt so I could live again. You dated someone else, and I did too. I hurt so many girls these past two years because all I had in my heart was you. I thought I was fine, but when I saw you again that day, pretending that nothing had happened, I just felt so angry again. That’s why I wrote that song… I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. But when I did, it didn’t feel good. It’s not hatred that fuelled all this anger, Hana. It’s love.”

You stood limp in his arms, silent tears pricking your eyes.

“You can’t pretend you don’t feel it,” he said, pulling away so he could search your eyes for a confirmation. “All the nights that we spent in the studio, doesn’t it feel so… natural? You coming back into my life like this is a sign, a second chance. I’m not going to let you go a second time.”

“What if it doesn’t work a second time?” you asked, head spinning from everything that he was telling you. “There are so many more things to consider than just a feeling…”

“We’ll try,” he said firmly. “Promise me you’ll try, okay? We can take things slow, start from the beginning again. If it doesn’t work, we’ll see how it goes and decide together okay? Please, just stop running away.”

You were the one who embraced him this time, nodding tearfully. This whole time since he’d re-entered your life, you’d been feeling as if your heart were a balloon that was swelling and swelling, about to burst from all the pressure that was coming from within. At this moment, however, it felt as if it was deflating, in a good way.

“Just one thing,” you said, suddenly remembering. “Don’t tell Himchan oppa.”