Without realizing it, you’d slept the best sleep you’d had in days, even though it was just a short nap. You remembered falling asleep blissfully wrapped in the arms of Yongguk, but when you woke up, he was no longer beside you. Or rather, he was, but instead of being in your bed, he was on the floor beside it, holding a sketchpad. “What are you doing, oppa?” you asked, yawning as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes.

“Don’t move yet!” he ordered, reaching out to re-adjust the covers that you had shifted. “Close your eyes again, just for a minute.”

Still groggy and confused, you obeyed. “What are you doing?”

“Drawing,” he replied cheerily. Moments later, you felt him hopping back into bed, declaring proudly, “Done!”

Opening your eyes and sitting up, you noticed he had already pulled on his underwear and wifebeater. Feeling vulnerable, you leaned over to look for your clothes on the floor. You found your and as you pulled them on, you turned to Yongguk. “Did you see my clothes, oppa?”

He leaned over his side and picked up his shirt, which he passed to you. “Wear this first. Although honestly, I think you look way better without clothes.”

“I exercise too, you know?” you said jokingly, putting it on quickly. “How long did I sleep? Didn’t you sleep? Aren’t you tired?”

“I woke up just a little before you did,” he answered, pulling you to him and showing you the sketchpad. He’d sketched your sleeping face. It was by no means a super realistic sketch like the ones guys in dramas always seemed to be capable of producing. Still, even though it was a rough drawing, you could see the effort he’d put into the detail—he’d captured the little shadows, the curve of your lips, and the waves in your hair. It was incredibly romantic, even though it didn’t resemble you that much. “Do you like this?”

You did, you really did. But instead, all you could say was, “It doesn’t look like me.”

“Yes it does,” he insisted, examining his drawing again. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I know that it’s you.”

“Are you giving it to me?” you asked, reaching for the sketchpad.

“No,” he replied, snatching it away from you and grinning cheekily. “Why would I give you a picture of you? It’s for me to remember today.” He squeezed you tightly and planted a kiss on your lips.

You smiled at the warm feeling that settled around your heart. The rain was still pouring outside, adding to the whole snuggly feeling that you were experiencing. It was perfect cuddle weather, and you felt incredibly lucky that today of all days, you had Yongguk beside you. “I’m going to make some coffee. You want some?”

“Sure,” he replied, following you out of the room and into the kitchen. He stood aside and watched you as you powered up the coffee maker. “This is nice.”

“What is?” you asked, busying yourself with scooping coffee powder and preparing cups.

“Couple life,” he remarked. “Happy couple life with no fighting. How do you feel?”

You turned to him with a smile on your lips. “Me? I feel crazy.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. You always make me feel crazy when I’m around you,” you answered. “Like things are out of control. But today, it’s good crazy.”

Yongguk nodded. “Okay. I guess I feel a good kind of crazy too.”

“Maybe we should break up once in a while,” you suggested jokingly. “It seems like we’d enjoy each other’s company more if we don’t see much of each other. Let’s meet up once a year.”

“Ya, you wanna die?” Yongguk warned, laughing. “It’s been a year, you know? Since you annoyed me on the ‘Going Crazy’ set.”

“I annoyed you?” you demanded, grabbing both cups of coffee and heading for the living room. “I tried to talk to you and all you did was glare at me like you wished my head would explode!”

“Only because you pretended not to know me,” he qualified, settling himself down on the couch. “And for your information, I wasn’t wishing for your head to explode. Maybe I just felt a slight urge to hit you.”

“Ya, I just didn’t want to make a scene in front of people I didn’t know,” you protested, sitting down beside him and raising your fist at him threateningly. “Otherwise, I would have hit you first.”

He laughed, folding you into his arms such that you were leaning with your back against his chest. “Okay, let’s leave the fighting for another time.” You lay back, languishing in the comfort of having his arms around you, while Yongguk picked up the book you had been reading before he’d arrived. “What are you reading?”

“Just some old poetry,” you said, looking as he flipped through the pages. “I read this one I really like. It’s called Endymion and it’s about a man and a goddess who are in love but cannot be together. So she leaves him, but he journeys far and wide to search for her. It’s a poem of pain and longing, but the best part of it is that it’s written so beautifully. It makes me feel like in spite of all the ugliness and unfairness in the world, there’s always something beautiful if you just look hard enough.”

“You’re such a nerd,” he teased. “So do they get to be together in the end?”

“I suppose. She tries really hard to leave him and move on but eventually she tells him that there is no one else but him.”

“Doesn’t that sound like us?” he said, grinning. “Ya, listen well. There is no one else but me.”

You snatched the book out of his hands and put it aside. “Ya, don’t destroy my 19^th century poetry! Besides, you’d be the goddess in this story, since you’re the one I’m not allowed to be with.”

He sighed, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. You stared at the raindrops on the window, wondering where was the truth in the words that Keats had promised in your poem. Even though there was always beauty, it was also constantly being corrupted by the ugliness of reality.

“I know it’s going to be difficult,” he said finally, clasping your hands. “But I really need your patience. In a few years, when everything’s more settled, we can come clean and I’m sure by then our fans would give us their blessings.”

“That’s not the only thing,” you pointed out. “What about all your work? In the future, you could be touring. You could be living in Japan for months. Dating would just be a distraction for you. And what if we get caught? It won’t just be your popularity that suffers. What about the rest of the boys who worked so hard?”

“You’re not willing to wait for me?”

You sighed exasperatedly and sat upright, away from him. “That’s not it, oppa. Things aren’t always so simple.”

“Do they always have to be as complicated as you think they are?” he argued stubbornly. “All I need is for you to tell me if you love me enough to go through everything that could possibly happen with me.”

“You’re not being rational here…”

“Love isn’t rational.”

You turned away and stared at the cup of coffee in your hands. You didn’t know how to carry on this conversation anymore because it was starting to sound like the arguments you used to have three years ago. Yongguk always had all these ideals and big dreams while you were the practical one, and while most times it meant you balanced each other out, it also meant that it was extremely difficult for the both of you to see eye to eye on a lot of issues.

“Hana, look at me,” he said, taking you by the shoulders and turning you so you were facing him. “You need to relax and not think too much. Didn’t we use to have the biggest fights about me not wanting to take the college entrance exams?”

“I know you’re doing well now,” you said in frustration, knowing what he wanted to say. “But did it make sense that you were ranked first in your class and you wanted to give up college education to take a risk that might not have paid off?”

“It doesn’t,” Yongguk agreed. “It doesn’t make sense. But not everything has to make sense, don’t you see? Sometimes you follow your heart and it takes you to the right place. You just have to know what you want. What do you want, Hana?”

“I just want everyone to be happy,” you said, resigning. Everything he was saying sounded great and technically sounded reasonable, but it didn’t chase away the doubts in your head. All these fancy taglines like “follow your heart” and “chase your dreams” were always easier said than done. You were just really tired of arguing with him when today was supposed to be a special day, and for now, you were willing to accept what he was saying.

“If you want me to be happy, you can’t leave me,” Yongguk said firmly, searching your eyes for a confirmation. “And tomorrow, we’ll go open that account for our kids in Cambodia. Okay?”

You didn’t want to make all these promises that you knew were his way of testing your commitment to him, but you didn’t want to crush that light of hope that you saw in his eyes, so you nodded. Happily, he pulled you to him again and kissed you.

As your eyelids fluttered close, you wished that the rain would erase all the doubts you had.