“I felt like I didn’t get a chance to say a lot before, so I wrote a letter last night…”

Your mother stopped talking and looked forward. Instinctively, you reached into your jacket pocket for the tissues you’d prepared after Junhongie’s letter sent everyone into a sobfest the night before. Although technically, his parents should have been the only ones crying, all the other family members identified with his emotions, and before the end of his speech, there hadn’t been a single dry eye in the family section.

“Ever since I was younger, I had this emotional scar. I didn’t like showing my feelings, and I believe that everyone here will know that not showing it is part of my personality. But it’s not that I’m closed off, it’s just I don’t like things being repeated and replayed. I’m really happy to think that there are people who actually like each and every aspect of this personality. That’s why I wish to remember every moment, and I wanted to only show myself smiling and working hard.”

You felt a twinge in your heart, realizing that what he’d said was true. All your life, your brother had been there for you, picking up after you no matter how much trouble you’d caused. He was your best friend growing up, and was always there to listen to all your problems, but you realized you didn’t know anything about his personal life. It was the same with the boys. You knew he was like a mother to them too, listening to all their worries and trying his best to help them, but he never wanted to share his own problems with them. You knew he must have had trouble moving from traditional music to pop music, and that practicing was tough, but you’d never asked because he’d never shown that he was struggling. Himchan was always putting on a brave front, smiling through everything and pretending he was okay even when he was not. It was the same even with his injury. You knew he cried secretly in his bed at night when the accident had just happened, but you’d pretended that you didn’t know, because he’d feel worse if he knew that he was making others worry.

“Truthfully speaking, I’m hurting a lot right now. Because I’m hurting even though I don’t want to hurt, I only feel sorry and apologetic towards everyone. I’ll promise to not get hurt in the future. I really wanted to stand onstage. And I’m so happy because I’m with the people that probably waited more than anyone for me to be onstage. I dedicate this to you guys who stayed by my side for a year, which can be a long amount of time to someone or a short amount of time to another person. Thank you. If you wait just a bit more, you’ll be able to see it. I love you.”

He broke down.

The boys crowded around Himchan, seemingly making fun of him for crying, but you knew they were trying to lighten the mood because they didn’t know what to do about their pillar of strength crumbling. You could hardly see anything through the tears that obscured your vision but you felt Yongguk’s mother pat your back comfortingly. Although he didn’t directly address any of his words to you or your parents, you knew that he just didn’t want to say anything too personal on stage. Himchan knew how to separate his public life from his private life, and you knew if he had things to say to your family or to the boys, he’d do it offstage. Even if he ended up not saying anything directly, you got the message. You loved your brother more than anything in the world, and you vowed to yourself to make sure he never felt like he was alone in his pain.

Onstage, he was still trying to put on a brave front.

“I really cried. My mom came here today though. This is my first time showing this.”

You turned to your mother and saw her smile through her tears as Himchan looked in the general direction of the family members’ section. He probably couldn’t see any of you clearly from where he was standing, but you clasped your mother’s hand in yours as she waved with her other hand.

For a while, you’d been too caught up with all your drama with Yongguk to spend quality time with your family, but your brother was right. You had to remember the people who were standing by your side no matter what happened. Your parents had been supportive even when you’d run away to another country and you hadn’t even told them that you were back together with the love of your life, the boy they at one time thought was destined to be their son-in-law. You looked over at Daehyun’s and Junhong’s parents, who lived apart from their sons and couldn’t be there physically for their boys. What was your excuse when your parents lived in the same city as you did? You squeezed your mother’s hand tightly and she squeezed back. You turned to look at Himchan again, on the stage. He lived in the same building as you and you two spoke almost every day. You had to start being a sister to him that was worthy of the amazing brother that he was to you.

Yongguk was a huge part of your life for a long time, but your brother’s tears were a timely reminder to remember the other people that were important to you.

After the concert, your parents had gone over to your apartment while the boys went for a celebratory meal with the TS staff. For the first time, you sat down and told them all about what was going on in your life, and how you and Yongguk had ended up back together. You told them about your experiences in Cambodia, and you showed them photos of the kids that you and Yongguk were fostering. You told them about your job and how much you enjoyed it, and assured them that you were able to take care of your brother. It was therapeutic finally being able to tell your parents most of what was going on, even though you’d deliberately left out some details that you weren’t comfortable with sharing with them. By the time you saw them drive off home, you were exhausted from talking so much the whole night.

By the time you went back upstairs, the boys were back in their apartment. You could tell by the loud noises that were coming out from behind the door. Yongguk was right, the walls were incredibly thin in this building. You decided to ring the bell and check on Himchan.

“Noona!” An excited Junhong opened the door and let you into the apartment, where Daehyun, Jongup and Youngjae were seated in the living room, huddled around a computer. “Yongguk hyung is in the shower. You can wait for him here.”

“Where’s Himchan oppa?” you asked, looking around and not seeing your brother.

“He’s in the room,” Junhong replied. “I think he’s getting ready to go out.”

“Out?” you asked, frowning. You headed for the room to check for yourself. You found Himchan behind a half-open door, fixing his hair in front of a mirror. He was dressed in a nice button-down shirt and jeans, and the room reeked of cologne. “Oppa.”

Hearing your voice surprised him, and Himchan turned to look at you. A slightly guilty expression creased his features for the briefest of moments before he gave you an awkward smile. “Are you looking for Bbang? He’s in the shower.”

“I know,” you said, eyeing him suspiciously. “I’m looking for you. Where are you going?”

He turned back to the mirror, not looking at you. “Out with some friends.”

“Which friends?” you asked, knowing that he was a bad liar. A few more questions and he would crack…

“You don’t know them,” he insisted, still looking away from you as he put on the sling for his arm. You stepped forward to help him, adjusting it until he was comfortable. The whole time, you kept staring at him, and the way he purposefully avoided your eyes confirmed your suspicion that he was hiding something from you.

“Is it a girl?”

“No, just some guys. From school.”

“Why are you wearing so much cologne then?”

Himchan opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, narrowing his eyes at you. “Ya, why are you asking so many questions? I’m running late. I have no time to talk to you.”

You followed him as he tried to make an escape by leaving the room. “Oppa, bring a cap! You’re going to get recognized!”

He paused to push a cap hastily onto his carefully styled hair, before bustling out into the living room again. He pointed behind you. “Look, Yongguk’s done! Go bother him instead. Bye!”

You turned to see your freshly showered boyfriend coming out of the bathroom, looking slightly confused at the commotion that you and Himchan were creating. The sight of him dripping wet and clad only in a towel distracted you for a good long moment, and by the time you snapped back to your senses, Himchan was out of the door. You forced yourself to push all thoughts out of your head and pursued your brother. By the time you reached the doorway, you could see Himchan winging it down the corridor in his socks, his shoes in his left hand. With the same hand, he was also pushing a girl along beside him as he made for the elevator.

“Kim Him Chan!” you called out after him, and the girl turned her head. It was only a split second before he ushered her into the elevator, but it was enough for you to catch sight of who it was.

It was Jeon Hyosung, his senior from Secret.

That sneaky bugger.

You stepped back to re-enter the apartment, but found yourself bumping into something hard and slightly wet. Yongguk had been standing right behind you, probably looking over your shoulder. The rest of the boys had gathered around the doorway beside you, and everyone looked as surprised as you were. You felt your cheeks burning as you looked at Yongguk. “Ya, go put on some clothes!” He gave you a meaningful look, which you returned with a disapproving furrow of your brow, but said nothing because the boys were present. He smiled widely and raised his eyebrows suggestively, making you blush harder before he turned and headed off to the room to change. The rest of the boys, however, didn’t notice anything and were in an uproar over seeing Himchan and Hyosung together.

“Wah, daebak!”

“How come we never knew?”

“No wonder I always felt like something was off…”

You returned to the living room with the rest, although too many thoughts were racing through your head for you to participate in their conversation. How could you not have known that your brother was seeing someone when you spent so much time around him? He had sensed it immediately when you and Yongguk so much as started talking to each other again, but you were oblivious to the things that went on in his life. How long had it been going on? Could this be the answer to the mystery of the missing ? That would mean that he’d been dating her for… “At least a year!” you blurted out suddenly, causing four heads to turn and stare at you. You blinked, realizing you’d accidentally said it out loud. You smiled sheepishly at them. “They’ve been together for at least a year.”

“How do you know?” Daehyun asked, looking at you curiously.

You opened your mouth and closed it again. You couldn’t tell them how you’d figured out the numbers. It was too embarrassing, on top of the fact that Jongup and Junhong were minors. “Just a guess.”

“How on earth did he manage to hide it from us for so long?” Youngjae marveled aloud. “We see each other all the time.”

“And I thought we told each other everything,” Jongup added, looking slightly bewildered.

“Ya, don’t think about keeping secrets from us now,” Daehyun chided, putting an arm around Jongup’s neck. “I honestly tell you guys everything.”

Yongguk emerged from the room, fully clothed in a t-shirt and sweat pants, and joined the party, sitting beside you on the couch and casually sliding an arm around your shoulders. “In the morning, we’ll tie him down and question him.”

“Why did Himchan hyung keep it a secret from us though?” Junhong asked, and everyone was silent for a moment as you pondered the answer, before Youngjae pointed at you and Yongguk. “You two kept it secret too, in the beginning.”

You and Yongguk looked at each other for a moment before he turned to Youngjae. “I told you guys eventually, didn’t I?”

“Only because Himchan hyung caught you!” Daehyun pointed out.

“Well, I caught him this time, so we’re even,” you said indignantly.

“Ya, I said we’ll get the answers from Himchan in the morning,” Yongguk interrupted, breaking up the discussion. He stood up and held out his hand to you to pull you to your feet. “Go get some sleep, and I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

The boys got to their feet at their leader’s command and shuffled off towards the bedroom. Daehyun paused at the door, turning back to look at Yongguk. “I suppose you’re not sleeping here tonight?”

You looked away as Daehyun trained his mischievous gaze upon you, but Yongguk was quick to shoo him off. “Just go to sleep!” Lacing his fingers with yours, he grabbed his iPad from the table as he led you out of their apartment and towards yours. “I downloaded some movies. We can watch something together.”

“Aren’t you tired?” you asked when you were inside your apartment. “It’s late.”

Yongguk shook his head. “No. I want to spend some time with my girlfriend.” He climbed into your bed and patted the space beside him, motioning for you to join him. You did, and he wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head. He placed the iPad on your lap, opening up a list of movies for you to choose from. “What do you want to watch?”

You snuggled against him, breathing in his warm, comforting scent, fresh and clean from the shower he’d just taken. “Doesn’t matter, you pick.” You didn’t care what you watched, as long as he was here beside you. Besides, he had to be tired out from performing in the concerts for two nights in a row, and you knew that he hadn’t had much sleep leading up to the concerts. You knew he was going to fall asleep for sure, despite all his best intentions.

He picked an action movie, and the two of you fell silent. You laid your head on his shoulder, while his head rested on top of yours. Within minutes of the show starting, you felt his head drooping, increasing its pressure upon yours, and you smiled to yourself. You kept still, careful not to wake him as he started snoring lightly.

You closed your eyes. As you drifted off to sleep, you felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

(Himchan's translated speech taken from http://omonatheydidnt.livejournal.com/10702834.html)