You went to bed early that night. It was a day full of excitement, and you were tired. Life was never easy was it? Every time it looked like things were getting better, another obstacle would surface. There was even a third person in the picture now, and as much as you felt that you and Yongguk might sort things out once and for all, you weren’t sure which way things were headed. You didn’t know what to feel anymore. You didn’t even dare to hope that when it came down to the crucial moment, he might choose you over her. You never knew what he was thinking. Loving Bang Yong Guk was just too damned difficult.

The ringing of your doorbell woke you just when you were falling asleep. Yawning, you got out of bed and opened the door. Yongguk stood outside, looking comfortable in his sweat pants and t-shirt. He smiled when he saw you, but you stiffened. “Did I wake you?”

“Yes. Come back tomorrow.”

He sensed immediately that something was wrong. Stepping in quickly before you could shut the door on him, he touched your shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“You shouldn’t be here at this hour, oppa,” you said coldly. “Your girlfriend might get the wrong idea again.”

He sighed, looking down guiltily as you glared at him. “I meant to break up with her, but…”

“But what?” you asked, feeling a rush of anger rise up within you. Sometimes when you thought of him, it felt like you were done caring about him, that you were too tired to be angry or sad. But each time he stood before you, all this frustration just came out naturally from a place you didn’t even know you had within you. Was it possible to feel so much hate towards a person you loved so much?

“It’s not that easy.”

“It’s not?” you scoffed, stepping away from him. “It seemed easy enough when you were all over me this morning. You can’t have it both ways, oppa.”

“I’ll do it,” he said, frustration apparent on his face. “I just couldn’t say it when she was looking with me with so many expectations. And she came to me crying today…”

“Stay with her then. I never asked you to come back to me.”

Yongguk looked at you with a gaze that cut right through you. “What are you saying? You know you’re the one I love.”

“Am I?” you shot back before you could stop yourself. “Is that why you’re still with your girlfriend? Are you sure you’re not just here because you miss the ?”

“How can you even say that, after all you’ve done to me?” he asked quietly. His voice was low, but you could sense a hint of the anger that was boiling under the surface.

However, you were beyond caring now. You were tired, frustrated from being confused, and he was conveniently there for you to vent on. “All I’ve done to you? Are you blaming me for everything? Are you saying you have absolutely nothing to do with the state we’re in now?”

“Twice,” he said, his eyes burning as he stood, staring at you. “Twice, you cut me off and moved on with no explanation. Twice, I came crawling back to you, begging you to stay. Begging you to take me back even though you could hurt me a third time. You’re asking me if I’m here because I miss the ?”

“Why do you keep coming back then, if all I do is hurt you?” you asked, feeling your tears start to well up. “Now’s your chance to leave.”

Yongguk snapped, grabbing you by the shoulders. “Can’t you see? I can’t leave! If I could have walked away four years ago, my life would be so different, but I couldn’t then and I can’t now. If you don’t love me, why don’t you just let me go instead of torturing me like this?”

You struggled against him to release yourself. “I’ll let you go, then! I didn’t ask to stay here or to work with you. You did all these things so I’ll have no choice but to see you everywhere and now you’re saying I’m torturing you? Why don’t you stop torturing me?”

“Why did you accept it then?” he demanded, holding your wrists in an iron grip when you tried to push him away. “If you were going to leave, why didn’t you just stay away?”

“Was this supposed to be a test of my feelings for you? Are you crazy?” you yelled at him. This was absurd. This whole time, you were struggling with all these feelings, trying to figure out what he was thinking, and it was all just a game to prove that you still loved him? “Let me go!”

The two of you were struggling against each other now, him trying to contain you and you trying to free yourself from him. By this time, he was so used to your tantrums that the first thing he did whenever he provoked you was to hold your arms down because he knew that you would either hit him or throw things at him. This frustrated you even more because you were powerless against him, and you struggled harder. Losing strength and patience, Yongguk pushed you against the nearest wall, making sure to cushion your head from the impact with his hand. Still, the forced stunned you a little bit and you fell silent.

“We can settle this,” he said, his face dangerously close to yours. “Just tell me how you feel. If you no longer love me, we can just end things now…”

“I don’t love you,” you spat out angrily, breathing hard. It was a lie, of course, but you were just so mad you wanted to hurt him in any way you could.

“You’re lying.”

“Stop asking me questions that you don’t really mean to let me answer.”

“Tell me honestly!”

“What if I do?” you asked, matching his gaze. “If I don’t, we can end it right now, but if I do, what happens next?”

Yongguk was silent for a moment. Then, quietly, he said, “Then we try to make it work.”

“That’s not going to cut it,” you replied, ceasing your struggle and turning away. “We can’t put ourselves through something that we know is not going to work.”

“But it’s going to work,” Yongguk insisted, turning your face so your eyes met his again. “No matter how hard it is, I’m going to keep trying to make it work. I can’t be without you.”

“You were doing fine without me.”

“I was never fine.”

“You have a new girl.”

“I don’t love her.”

“We tried and tried, and all we brought each other was pain,” you pointed out, a pleading tone in your voice. “Maybe it’s time to let go. You have someone else now. Hyerin is a nice girl, and she loves you. She can make you happier than I ever did.”

“Stop trying to push me to someone else,” Yongguk said fiercely, and you felt his grip on your wrists tighten slightly as he tried to control his anger. “I said I don’t love her, and I never will, because I love you. I’ll never love another woman for as long as I live.”

You hesitated, feeling your defenses almost crumble, but you caught yourself in time. “You don’t know that.”

“I do know. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. I promise…”

Exasperated, you twisted your wrist again in another attempt to free yourself. He let you go this time, sensing that your violent tendencies had passed. “That’s not even something you can promise.”

“I can,” he insisted, holding up his hand solemnly. “I swear that Kim Ha Na is the first, the last and the only woman I, Bang Yong Guk, will ever love.”

“You can’t just—”

“Stop talking.”

Of course, you weren’t about to stop talking, but Yongguk saw to that by pressing his lips to yours. You tried feebly to resist, but he was having none of that. Taking a step forward, he pinned you to the wall so you had nowhere to run. For the first few seconds, you refused to kiss him back, so he grabbed you by the waist and lifted you off the floor, leaving you no choice but to cling onto him for support. Surprise caused you to gasp, and in that one split second, he took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your parted lips.

He made you so, so mad, but he was also a master at getting you to forgive him. Or at the very least, he was really good at making you forget what you were arguing about in the first place.

Somehow, without realizing it, he was no longer pushing you against the wall, and you were voluntarily leaning into him. In that moment, it all felt so natural, as if your bodies were puzzle pieces that were made to fit together. When he held you, you couldn’t imagine living anywhere other than in his arms. How could something that felt so right possibly be wrong?