Love Light
Don't Forgive Me
BGM: Wax - Tears are falling
(Flashback)
Hyoyeon’s P.O.V
“Kim Young Ahl-ssi.. I think it’s better to bring Seohyun back to her house, she didn’t show any progress, I’m so sorry..but we’re predict that tomorrow will be just the same, and also.. too much chemistry liquid will be bad for her condition, so just bring her to her house and take a good care of her there..We’ve tried our best, but…I’m so sorry Kim Young Ahl-ssi..”
What? What’s that doctor mean? Is he…Is he giving up on uri JooHyun? Maldo andwae…
“Wh..what do you mean doctor?” I asked him.
And his explanation sounded like hell to me… I couldn’t hear what he said properly.. I just.. I just.. I don’t want to hear that.. Ommoni was kneeled down beside me.. I was helping her but with half conscience. I don’t know what to do, now. Oh God…
Was it really the end?
It’s just too hard for me, for us, for Yonghwa.
Yonghwa. What should I say to him then? No he’s already know everything, but why? Seems like everything were just too late for him, for Seohyun, for them?
Then I remembered that night, the night when Seohyun packed all of the boxes that ought to be the presents for Yonghwa, and placed them in her cupboard.
“He must be doesn’t want to accept this anyway” she said, with her hurted voice and puffy eyes.
Right.
I can’t help her much, but at least I could handed her presents to him.
I told the other members that I’ve to do something, so I left the hospital, then I asked manager oppa who was waiting outside the room to drive me to the dorm.
“Oppa, wait here okay. I won’t be long” I ordered manager oppa.
When I was arrived at our dorm, I was rushing to our room, and open up her cupboard, it was still there, the presents, all of it were still there, laid neatly. I took out the presents then left the room, I paused in our living room.
“Her diary. I should give it to him”
I know, I shouldn’t do this. Her diary is her privacy. But, after hearing the doctor explanation, I.. I think I’m afraid, I’m scared, that she really didn’t wake up. I just want Yonghwa knows that my little sister in really love him, eventhought she never really showed it, but there was always been him in her heart. So, I get back to our room and took her diary, it was placed under her pillow, like she always do.
“Forgive onnie for this one, maknae..”
I stepped out from our room and yelling to manager oppa from the living room.
“Oppaaaa come here!! Help me with this stuffs!”
I heard my manager running from the outside and get in to our dorm.
“Yah…what are you to do with these boxes?” asked manager oppa, while observing all of the boxes in front of him.
“Just let me get this to our van and drive me to CNBLUE dorm now, okay?”
“Hey…I’m your manager, not your courier” said manager oppa annoyed.
“Aish..oppa chincha..”
“Ahrasseo.. I’m just joking Hyoyeon-ah..” manager oppa grinned.
He helped me to placed all of the boxes to our van, then we’re headed to CNBLUE’s dorm.
On our way to CNBLUE’s dorm, at first we were remained silent until finally manager oppa asked me.
“If I’m not mistaken, that boxes were belong to Joo Hyun right?”
“Hmm..”
“Then what with you do with that?”
“She was buying this for Yonghwa”
“Ah.. I understand.. Wh.. What should we say to him about her condition?” manager oppa asked me, he looked down for awhile then looked back to the street in front of him.
“The truth. He should know the truth” I said, I know it more sounded like a whisper.
“Yeah..you’re right..”
It was around 20 minutes to take me to the CNBLUE’s dorm. Manager oppa helped me to brought all of the boxes until we were arrived in front of their apartment.
“Maybe I should just wait in the van. Is that okay?”
“Ne..kwaencanha.. Thank you oppa” I smiled and hugged manager oppa.
“Okay. Send my regard to Yonghwa, I just couldn’t face him, really. I always feel guilty whenever I see him” he said as he stared blankly to the floor.
“Oppa…stop it, it wasn’t your fault..”
“But still…Hhh.. Well.. I think I should go now. Fighting” he said, messing my hair and left
“Ne..bye bye”
I gathered my power, then to push the bell button.
(End of Flashback)
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“Because..because..she.. she will never make it to give you this presents..” said Hyoyeon, she was biting her lips and stared to her lap.
“Huh? Wh..What do you mean?” Yonghwa frowned.
Hyoyeon just looked straight to Yonghwa’s eyes, still biting her lips and not answering his question. Then she took out a book from her handbag, and handed it to Yonghwa.
“….and last it…here… it’s Seohyun’s diary..”
Yonghwa was still frowned but he took the diary anyway.
“I really don’t get it. Now you even gave me this.. It’s.. Seriously, what’s wrong? What happened?” Yonghwa asked as he sat up from the couch, clutching to Seohyun’s diary.
“………..Doctor Park said…
Then Hyoyeon began to explained what has she heard from the doctor earlier. Yonghwa listened to Hyoyeon explanation with wide eyes and tensed. Hyoyeon really couldn’t tell Yonghwa’s expression now, he looked angry, disappointed, sad, pain, hurt, and….even, guilt?
“No..no.. It must be a mistake. He was wrong. Seohyun.. she’ll be fine” said Yonghwa, as he shook he head and stepped backward.
“AHHHHHH!!!!” Yonghwa screamed, trying to released his stress, then he turned his body to punched the wall, once, twice..
Hyoyeon gets up and tried to stopped Yonghwa “Yonghwa..stop it..stop it..”
Yonghwa’s screamed made his dongsaeng-deul and his manager came out from their room and gathered to the living room, also trying to stopped Yonghwa. Yonghwa broke and kneeled down on the floor and now he began to crying.
“What happened to Seohyun?” asked Jonghyun.
“Huh?” Hyoyeon still get shocked when she saw Yonghwa like that.
“He was like that, there must be something related with Seohyun” Jonghyun stared to Hyoyeon.
Hyoyeon let out long sigh and shut her eyes before finally answered Jonghyun.
“The doctor’s giving up”
“Mwo?” asked Jonghyun indisbelief.
“I have to see her… I have to see her” said Yonghwa as he got up and headed to the door, still clutching to Seohyun’s diary.
“Yonghwa wait! Let’s go together!!” said Hyoyeo whilw she was also running out.
But Yonghwa seemed didn’t heard her, he kept walked faster and faster, until finally Hyoyeon could reached him and tapped his back. Yonghwa stopped and turned his body, still in his panicked look.
“Hey! My van is a way faster than taxi. Let’s go” said Hyoyeon, now she was ahead from Yonghwa.
Yonghwa just nodded and followed Hyoyeon, he was still in a states of panicked and confused, so he couldn’t think properly. While behind, CNBLUE members along with their manager were followed, but they decided to go to the hospital with their van.
A few minutes later, they were arrived at the basement and to catch up SNSD’s van, and they get in immediately. Hyoyeon opened the door abruptly and it made manager oppa jolt in surprised.
“Palli go to the hospital” said Hyoyeon, right after she was get in to the car.
Yonghwa followed and also get in to the car, and sat beside Hyoyeon.
“Oh?! Yo…Yong Hwa..” manager stuttered.
“Annyeonghaseyo Hyung” said Yonghwa still got tensed in his face.
“Ah oppa palli!!!” Hyoyeon raised her voice and she slapped manager oppa’s arm.
“Oh..oh..ahrasseo”
On their way to the hospital Yonghwa couldn’t help to hid his panickness. He chafe his palm, rubbed his hair, until it made Hyoyeon who sat beside him even more panick.
“Yonghwa please calm down a bit.. You also make me panick” said Hyoyeon as she stared at Yonghwa.
“Oh? Mi..mianhae..” Yonghwa answered and he stared at his lap, well it’s not really his lap, because there was Seohyun’s diary over his lap.
At first, Yonghwa just stared blankly to the diary, but then he took it and started to flipped the pages randomly. He started to reading it.
March, 29th 2013
Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa.
Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa.
Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa.
Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa.
Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa. Jung Yong Hwa.
How I love calling his name. I miss calling his name.
Where are you, oppa?
Oppa… help me, please save me, I don’t want to be here. Just take me out of here, jebalyo oppa jebal..
I’m in a lot of pain right now..
The book was shaking, because of Yonghwa’s hands, it wasn’t because he felt cold, but his hands were trembling because he was trying to hold his tears. Hyoyeon who sat next to him, looked at Yonghwa and she was about to talked about something with him, but then when he looked at his expression while reading the book, she just stared blankly to the book and back to Yonghwa’s face, then she turned her head to looked at the street.
Yonghwa continued to read, then he flipped the last pages.
April, 16th 2013
Jung Yong Hwa.
When I called his name, he always smiled and waved at me.
Whever he was happy he always said “Jashik” !
He loves iced coffee, and he also loves to munched the ice.
He collected Simpsons doll. He has bunch of it, yet he kept buying the doll.
I must be crazy, because even when you’re beside me, I’m still thinking of you.
It’s raining outside, I love it, because…do you remember oppa? It was also raining when we first met.. It was also raining when we go to the beach to see sunrise, but we missed it..kekeke… Ahh.. I shouldn’t sleep that day..
Keurigo… It was also raining when we were moving to our house…
Because of that, I love rain… I love rain so I can thinking of you.
Rain drops, I’m thinking of you…
When I eat ddukbokki, I’m thinking of you…
I drink goguma latte, I’m thinking of you…
I’m listening “Sarang beet”, I’m thinking of you….
I’m thinking of you, the one who gave the whole new world for me.
Yoooo~ng oppa.
Jung Yong Hwa oppa.
I love you, noneun?
When Yonghwa was reading that page, it made him go back to the event that was written by Seohyun on her diary. It was like a flashback, everything that they were going through, her laugh, her smile, her voice, were playing in Yonghwa’s mind.
Yonghwa grasped the side of the book tightly, tears were falling from his eyes freely. His body was shivering, the book page was already wet because of his tears.
“Of course I love you Hyun. I love you so much” Yonghwa thought.
Hyoyeon raised her hands and wanted to patted Yonghwa’s shoulder, but then she put it down, and turned her head to looked at the window so she could crying silently.
Time flows and finally they were arrived at the hospital. Yonghwa was running all over his way to Seohyun’s room. But his stepped were slower when he was closer to the room, outside the room were gathered SNSD members and also KARA Nicole, they were hugging and crying. He walked closer towards them, they were just looking at him with their puffy eyes and reddened nose, then they looked down, stared to the floor. With all her might, Yonghwa opened the door.
Inside the room, Seohyun’s mom were crying and even kneeled down in front of Doctor Park and kept saying
“Please don’t give up on my daughter doctor… Please save her… Please don’t give up on her…”
The doctor also felt uneasy, he tried to make Mrs. Kim get up.
While behind, Mr. Seo was trying to calmed her wife and trying to pulled her so she could stand up.
“Yeobo…don’t be like this.. Yeobo…”
Yonghwa could see that Mr. Seo was also crying. But, Seohyun’s mom seemed not obeyed her husband and kept pleading to the doctor, until finally she fainted. Yonghwa hold her body, and so with Mr. Seo and Doctor Park. Doctor Park was yelling, calling the nurse outside, and they were helping to brought Mrs. Kim out of the room and get the necessary treatment.
“Stay here. I’ll accompany ommoni” said Seohyun’s dad to Yonghwa.
“Algeseumnida aboji”
“I’ll go with you aboji” said Hyoyeon and followed Seohyun’s dad.
SNSD members were also panicking when they saw Seohyun’s mom fainted. Taeyeon and Hyoyeon were followed Mr. Seo, and the rest of them were staying in front of Seohyun’s room.
Sooyoung walked towards Yonghwa and wiped her tears before she said
“Take your time with her…we won’t bother and we’ll wait outside…”
“Gomawoo..” said Yonghwa with a weak tone, he didn’t even looked to Sooyoung’s eyes and just stared to the floor.
Sooyoung left the room and closed the door from outside. Yonghwa who was earlier facing the door, slowly turned his body and walked closer to Seohyun’s bed with a trembling steps. He opened the curtains, stepped forward, then he sat in the chair beside the bed.
*tick* *tick* *tick*
The voice from the heartbeat monitor was heard.
He could tell that Seohyun looked thinner now, her face really pale as pale as sheet. Yonghwa took her right hands and gasped to it tightly, placed it his cheek, while he stared to Seohyun.
“….Is this really what you want, Hyun?.... Leaving me like this?”
“……Didn’t you want to hear my answer first Hyun? I’ll answer but you have to open your eyes, okay?”
“I’ll answer it now… Of course, I love you Hyun. I always love you. I love you since the beginning… There’s only you, Hyun..”
“Now, you know my answer, so…open…open your eyes now… don’t go… don’t leave me” Yonghwa began to cried.
“I won’t let you go like this.. I will never ever let you go Seo Joo Hyun, you hear me?”
Yonghwa was trying to calmed himself by shutting his eyes and take a deep breathe, then he wiped his tears with his thumb.
“Keurae… Didn’t you say that you’re thinking of me when you listen “Sarang Beet”? How about I sing it to you now?” said Yonghwa while palming Seohyun’s hand and he was trying to smile.
“Okay…listen to this carefully okay?”
Then Yonghwa began to sing.
“Geuh del bo myun ul goolee bbal geh jigo…. Geuh del bo myun gaseumee doogeun doogeun.. Ahee cheoroem soo joob geh mal hago… Geuh del bo myun gwen siri ooseumee na.. Babo cheoreom ja ggoo man geuh reh.. ama neh geh sarangee on gut gatah…”
Yonghwa was taking a deep breath for awhile, before he continued to sing.
“…Geuh deh neun neh ma eum sok eh president.. Neh gaseumeh byul soo noh ji i’m genie for you girl.. Neh soomeul mut geh haji geuh deh ga won ha neun gun da… Nuh reul sarangha nigga.. Neh sarangeh eeyoo neun ubjan ah, you know…”
Yonghwa get up from his seat and leaning closer to Seohyun, rubbing her cheek , and he was starting to sing again.
“Geuh deh neun darling.. Bam ha neuk byul bit boda ah reumdawuh yo.. Neh mam sok gip peun got eh suh ban jjak guh li neun.. Naman eh sarang beet.. Geuh del reul sarang heyo darling.. Uhn jena neh gyut hae suh beet cheul neh joyo.. Meh il bam bara bogo.. Bara bwado ah reum dawuh yo.. Geuh den nah eh sarang beet….”
Yonghwa was silent and sjust stared to Seohyun for awhile.
*tick* *tick* *tick*
No response, there was still the voice from the heartbeat monitor that could be heard inside the room.
Yonghwa bent down his head and he get back to sit then he took Seohyun’s hand again.
“… Hyun…is this really your decision? You decide to leave me? Malhae… Malhaebwa…”
“… I’m sorry.. I’m sorry that you have to met me.. If… If only we didn’t met, you won’t be like this.. You won’t be suffer…felt that pain..all of the terrible things that happened to your live.. you.. you don’t have to feel it…all of it.. ”
“… Was it.. was it a mistakes? Our met… our love… was it a mistake, Hyun?”
“I’m sorry for loving you Hyun…I’m sorry you have to met me.. I’m sorry for everything.. cheongmal mianhae..”
*tick* *tick* *tick*
Yonghwa was crying loudly and kept his head down, when he heard a weak yet sweet voice talked to him.
“…..No... Our..love... It’s not a mistake…op…pa…”
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ANNYEONGGGGGGG GOGUMAS :D
Whoaaa Finallyyyy I could post this..
At the diary part I was kind of inspired of K-Drama "I Miss You"..
Well, how was it? What do you guys think?
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And THANK YOU SO MUCH for my awesome readers who alredy left a wonderful comments. I love you ^^
Enjoy reading ^^
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