BGM: Lee Seok Hoon – Don’t Love Me

Seohyun’s P.O.V

It was like two hundreds years I’m not meeting him when actually it’s just been 2 months since our last met that night. That night was like the ends of my world. After that night, I can’t do things in a right way, I can’t think properly, it feels like I’m loosing myself. My onnies told me that I look so horrible not like a real Seo Joo Hyun, like I used too. Even my manager oppa thinks that I got some illness or something and everyday he asked me to bring me to the hospital to get some medical check up, but I always refused it. Actually I’m physically healthy, but it’s inside, it’s my heart that suffers, a lot. When I tried to smile cheerfully to my onnie so they didn’t worried too much about me, my heart was bleeding inside. I just need one person to solve this problem, and it’s him, my only love, Jung Yong Hwa. Yong Hwa oppa. Yoooo~ng.

Ah, how I missed called him with “Yooo~~ng”.

Today, I miss him again. Like I did yesterday, and the day before, and a week ago, a month ago, a month and a half ago. I always miss him. Even when I see his face, I still miss him.

Honestly, when we were still together, even when I met him, I still miss him. Even when I sat beside him, I still miss him. Even when he looked at me in the eyes and just an inched from me, I still miss him. Even when he holds my hand, I still miss him. Even when he called me, I still miss him. Even when we spent a day together, I still miss him. Even when he hugged me, I still miss him. And when he kissed me, I miss him, even more.

Yeah it’s true, I madly in love with him. I madly in love with my ex-boyfriend.

“Ex-boyfriend” sounds sooo weird in my ears. Really such a hurtful word. I hate that word. But, it’s the truth. Yeah, now he’s not my boyfriend.

Like a fool, like a child, I tear up as I stand behind your back
How have you been? I can’t even ask you that because my throat keeps closing

I miss you, I miss you so much
I can’t even say your name that I shouted out without rest,
I can’t even talk to myself in front of you
I don’t dare to make a sound

I really don’t understand with myself today. Now, I’m in front of his dorm. I don’t get it what brings me here. I think I just came here unconsciously. Maybe it was because I miss him so much. I stared blankly at his door, but I do nothing, I don’t want to press the bell or call him and tell him that I’m in front of her door now, asking him to open the door and tell him that I don’t want to break up and came back to him. But of course that’s imposibble and absolute not gonna happen.

I just smiled bitterly, I wish that I could be braver to do that. But, I’m such a coward.

Suddenly, I heared a noisy sounds near my position. So I hid myself. Later I knew, that it was him, Yong oppa with Jungshin chingoo. Jungshin cingoo seems guffying with him, but he doesn’t respond it.

Finally, I could see him again. Just by looking his back, my sight got blurry, I started to crying, again.

I put my right hand to close my mouth so I won’t make a sound while crying. He was there, standing in front of me, he seems really near, but yet so far. My tears keep falling down.

Oppa, I miss you so much.

I want to shout and tell him that I miss him soooooo much. But I can’t. Because I’m such a coward, so my throat keeps closing. I can’t even say his name and tell him how much I miss him, how much I love him.

Stupid me. Stupid Joo Hyun. Now, when I see him, I miss him even more.

I keep starring at his back. He looked thinner than before.

Ne sarang, how have you been?

Why'd you look so thin now? Why’d you got that pale face?

Are you sick? And is it because of me?

You can’t look back, you can’t ever forgive me
Don’t waste your heart on me, because I only make you cry
Because I only give you pain

I’m stuck in the time and place where I was young and foolish
From my eyes in the mirror, your tears flow out

Then I saw him entered the room. I cried even harder knowing that he suffered because of me.

What I did to him was really horrible thing. I made him suffered. I made him cried. I took all of his happiness. I took his life. I killed him. I killed my only love.

Now, there’s no way out to make up this thing. I hurted him, a lot.

Mianhaeyo oppa. Cheongmal mianhae.

No Seohyun. What are you thinking? Mianhae? Sorry? You want him to forgive you? No, that’s absolutely not.

You don’t deserve his forgiveness.

Yeah, that’s right. I don’t deserve his forgiveness. All I can do was hurting him and make him suffer.

But oppa, I just want you to know, that I don’t want all this stupid messed happened, but, if I don’t do this, you’ll suffer even more, and I can’t let you. I believe that you will forget me when you find another girl, so be happy with her oppa, and also I hope she will only give you happiness.

But for me, I guess it’s impossible for me to forget you oppa. You’re the only love for me. My eyes will only look at you. Ani, my eyes only look at you.

It’s okay, I still can loving you quietly right? You permit me for that right, oppa?

And also oppa, I know I’m really selfish, but I just wonder..

If things changed, and we met again, can’t I come back to you?

Can’t we back together again?

Ttak hanbeonman, oppa. Jebal..

Do as I say – I’ll remain as a memory for you
Just remember me once in your life by chance

You can’t love me, let’s not place any lingering attachments toward each other
I cowardly deceive myself when all I want to say is one thing, “I love you”

Can’t we go back? Can’t we go back again?
Just once, just once, please

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Yeahhh!!!

This is Seohyun's version of "My eyes only look at you". I decided to post this chapter now, so you guys could feel the emotions even more. Kekekeke

I hope you guys like it! Please leave comment and feel free to subscribe.

Enjoy reading! ^^