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Yoochun

I walk upstairs loudly to make clear that screaming and hitting the door is useless. Halfway I turn around and tip toe to the door to check if they are talking, but I can't hear a thing.

Do you think I locked you in there to keep quiet?

Actually I had made up my mind long before that I wouldn't interfere in their fights, but as it is now I have to do this.

Sticking together is the most important thing right now. If we don't fight as one unit, we will get defeated in the blink of an eye.

I keep listening for a bit longer but it seems they will need the whole night. I feel too exhausted as to wait the whole night, and I think I am not really supposed to eavesdrop on them. One is better off without knowing some things.

I walk upstairs and wash up. As I hear the water pouring out of the tap I recall Jae hyung crouching at the river bend, crying so heartbreakingly. Just now I realize that I joined him in crying. After holding him for a bit he stopped to cry and wiped his face with the sleeve of his jacket. In one hand he was holding something, but I couldn't see what that was.

We got on the next bus and drove back home. He didn't say a word the whole time, just kept staring out the window. That was the moment I decided that I had to do something. I couldn't stand to see him suffer like this. What ever the reason, there has to be a way to resolve it.

I keep brushing my teeth thinking about this scene over and over again as I found him. Even when I put on my pajamas I can't erase it from my mind.

I am l lying in bed, my head resting on my arm as I stare at the ceiling, asking myself many questions. Up until now I have always thought that there has to be a reason why things happen the way they do, but during the past time I started to lose that believe.

What reason is there in people using others to the point they become desperate? Why do people blindly believe whatever they are told? Is fate made by some heartless creature, not caring what those things do to people?

But is it right to stop believing in fate, just because it is hard on me? Am I just capable of this?

I drift into sleep, my body and mind completely exhausted. I dream many things but I can't remember what the dreams were about.

I check the alarm as I wake up; 7:40. I can stay in bed a bit longer and slowly wake up completely. The first thing I do is brushing my teeth and getting dressed. Going downstairs reminds me of something.

Whoops. Su and hyung. I forgot about them.

I take the key from the board and unlock the door. Quietly I walk in and see them sleep on the sofas peacefully.

It seems that locking them up was the right choice.

I smile at myself and decide to let them sleep a bit longer. The moment I sit at the kitchen table and am about to eat the first spoonful of cereals I get a hard punch on the back of my head.

"Ouch! Are you crazy?" I complain and turn around to see Junsu standing behind me; angry.

"Who do you call crazy? I didn't lock you into the living room the whole night. Do you know how badly I had to pee by now? Jackass!"

"You could have taken the window if it was that urgent." Making fun of him is still the best thing ever. I love his pissed face.

"Ha. Ha. You are so funny." he says pissed.

Huh, you are making it too easy to tease you, Su.

"Um, sorry. I forgot about your bad bladder." I grin and continue eating.

"First you lock us up and then you make fun of me? Tsk, you are just... just..."

I can't help myself but laugh.

"Stop laughing!" he yells at me with red cheeks.

He gives me a glare that makes me think about the saying 'If looks could kill.', but instead of making me afraid of him, I have to laugh.

"Hey. Stop quarreling like little kids. We have to get ready to leave for the studio."

"But hyung. He always makes fun of me." he whines at Jae hyung like always.

"It's not as if that's something new, right? And you know that he doesn't mean it like that."

"Who said I don't mean it?"

"You see? You see? Did you hear?" Junsu pouts.

Jae gets himself and Su a cup of tea and sits down next to me.

Su and me keep quarreling, Jae interferes here and there. It definitely feels great to be back to the way we used to be. Yes, everything seems to be back in place.

Reconciled and fully energized all three of us dig ourselves into work and record our American album.

I for my part am very confident about the album and am really looking forward to our upcoming concerts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH3B0Lpkaco

Jaejoong

Since Yoochun locked Su and me in that one night, everything went back to the way it was. At least on the surface. But that alone allowed us to concentrate on recording and rehearsing for the big showcases that await us.

Even though Su and I had a deal, we didn't really talk about anything like that again since we had other, more important things going through our heads.

To be honest, I was relieved that there was no chance to talk about it, 'cause I am too afraid to actually speak my fears out loud. It would force me to admit it to myself. Running away is still the thing I'll choose over confronting myself with those facts. I am still not really confident that I could handle it, if my fears would really prove themselves to be true.

                After our last showcase in The U.S.

"Oh my god. It was so great!" Junsu yelled.

"Wuuuh! It was the best ever! Did you see how many people there were?" Yoochun replies.

I wipe the sweat off myself with a fresh towel, panting from the exhaustion. Standing on stage made me feel alive again. Feeling the adrenaline rush through my veins; feeling my heart race in excitement while I look at the crowd singing along and freaking out.

Yoochun throws his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him.

"Hey yeah! You were great Kim Jaejoong." he yells in overexcitement while wearing a wide smile on his face.

I grin at him and we head backstage to get changed out of the wet stage outfits. All of us still feel the kick from the performance, and it still holds on as we can hear fans shouting even now after the concert already ended.

As planned we treat the whole staff to a meal and drinks to celebrate the successful finish of the showcases.

So many fans came to watch us perform, and that is one thing that gives me hope. But I am already afraid of the moment when this feeling starts to ebb away.

But for now we all have fun eating, drinking and recalling the time we spent together.

"Jaejoong?" I hear a female voice saying right behind me. As I turn around I see a small woman with European features standing there, with a present in her hands.

"Yes?"

"Sorry for intruding like this, but I wanted to give this gift to you." she says shyly and holds out the square box with a ribbon on top. I take it with a surprised look.

"Thank you. But you are not a part of the staff, right?"

"No." she says guiltily.

"Then how...?" I start but she interrupts me.

"I am sorry for sneaking in. I hope you like the present. I'll leave now. Good bye."

With these words she quickly walks off and out of my sight. I stand there with the box in my hands and look after her, not sure what to think.

"Hey, hyung!" Junsu yells in my ear.

"Argh! Could you please not scream into my ear? I still need them after all."

"Sorry hyung. Huh?" he points at the box in my hand.

"What's that?"

"A fangift."

He looks at me a question mark stamped on his face.

"She sneaked in to give this to me."

"Wha- whaaat? Um… naw, never mind. I don’t wanna know. What is in it?" he asks curiously, eyeing it.

"Dunno."

Right. I didn't even check what is in there.

I open it and the both of us stand there and don't know what to say.

"Ahm… A cactus." I say and start to grin.

"A cactus? Why the hell a cactus out of all things?" Junsu asks obviously thinking it's funny. I shrug my shoulders, put on the lid again and put it into my bag.

"Hyuuuung let's celebrate. We have to go back to Korea in a few days after all. We have to take this opportunityyyy!" he yells again and hands me a beer.

He runs off to Yoochun, both of them screaming like crazy retards.

Oh, embarrassing… but that’s why I love them.

I put all my worries aside and join them. Like this we party until late at night.

At the drive home Yoochun and Junsu fall asleep so I stare out the window, watching the lights flash by.

Did we really make it? I still can't believe that our fans are still supporting us like this. They are the craziest people ever. I couldn't be more grateful to have a support like that. Maybe all the trouble will be worth it. But what about Yunho and me? What are you doing right now? Are you alright? Are you also feeling lonesome right now? I miss you so much.

"Sir. We arrived at the destination." the driver says.

"Oh. Um, thank you. Hey guys. Wake up." I say as I give them a push to wake up. Both of them complain that I woke them up, grumpily slurping inside the house. I go after them.

"Yah! Put off your shoes. Don't be so lazy. Fatigue is no excuse for making the house dirty."

"Yes, mum." they say annoyed.

I lock the door and head up stairs into my room, where I throw my bag on the bed. Quickly I change into my pajamas to go and brush my teeth - something I usually never leave out.

As I put the bag from my bed I see the box with the cactus in it lying on my bed. I open it once more and take the plant out.

It's a small cactus with long spikes on it. I chuckle at the sight of it.

That really is an unusual fangift.

Then I notice that a piece of paper fell out of the box. I unfold it and see a handwritten message on it.

Dear Jaejoong,

I am a real big fan of yours and I hope you find the strength to continue walking down your path.

This is a cactus which is said to grow blossoms when love is about to come. I hope you like it.

Please take care

Fighting!

Sarah