http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5L8jkShqhk

Junsu

“Come on Amelie. It’s just one more staircase. We are nearly at your apartment.”

Why are you so tall and heavy?

She giggles drunken and pokes my nose tip.

“I am so tired, Shunsuu.”

Finally we arrive at her house and I look through her bag for the key. It is harder than one could expect trying to support a “lifeless” body at the one hand and looking for a key in a woman’s hand bag.

At least now I know that it’s a lie that a woman’s hand bag is well organized.

Finally I feel something cold and hard and pull it out.

Yes! Found it.

I unlock the door and drag her inside. I close the door with a kick and look for the door to her bedroom.

I try one door but get the wrong one leading to the bathroom. At the second try I get the right one and I lift her on the bed. She growls lowly and sifts to the side.

“J’ai mal au cœur." she whispers.

“What?” I look at her confused.

Why do you speak French with me? I have no idea what you are saying.

Suddenly she throws up. I jump backwards to not get dirty. It smells really bad so I feel like throwing up right after her but I pull myself together and try not to breathe in too deep. I open the window to make it easier to breathe. She fell into a deep sleep now so she doesn’t even move at me dripping over the carpet.

Great. I can’t just leave her like this. Her bed is dirty and her clothes have puke all over.

I look for a bucket in the storeroom, a cloth, some clearing agent and luckily rubber gloves are there too. In the bathroom I fill the bucket with warm water and mix it with the cleaning agent. I pull up my sleeves and put on the gloves.

I lift her up and put her on the sofa in the living room, then I start to clean the whole mess. After cleaning up I put off the dirty bed sheets and put into the washing machine. I feel really impolite as I search the closet for fresh ones.

Is it the right thing to do? Yes, it is. I guess. I can’t leave her like this after all. But when I change the sheets I have to change her clothes too. She will get sick with those wet clothes on. Argh… why does this have to happen to me. I feel like a ert.

I look at her for a while hesitant if I should do that. After thinking of a way to change her clothes without exposing her in this situation I grab a thin blanket from a chair and cover her with it. Underneath I start to undress her, the pajamas ready next to me. I even close my eyes from time to time. Even though I took precautions the blanket slips off her upper body half and exposes her chest, with just a bra covering her.

Oh my god. They are huge!

Startled I stare at her for some seconds. I can feel my cheeks blush. Hastily I pull the blanket up again and try to calm down my fluttering heart.

Now even more cautious not to let this happen once more I dress her and carry her into her bed. I switch off the lights and leave a note on the table.

                Hey Amelie.

I hope you feel alright. Eat breakfast and have some painkillers for the headache. Please give me a call when you read this.

                See you at the studio.

                Junsu

I get a cab back home feeling really tired now.

I guess Jae went to bed already too. It took me quite some time to finish up.

I look at the time on my phone. 2:47 a.m.

I close my eyes for a second, as I thought but the taxi driver has to wake me up as we arrive at the house. I give him the money for the drive leaving the change and head back inside.

I put my keys on the little table beside the door and pull off my jacket and shoes. As I head to the stairs I pass by the living room holding on for a second.

Should I check on Chunnie and make sure everything is alright?

I open the door slowly to not make any sound that could wake him up. As I walk in some steps I can see that no one is there.

Maybe Jae brought him upstairs.

I head upstairs and check if Chun is in his room, but it is empty. As I want to go into my room I suddenly hear some strange sounds coming from Jae’s room. I can hear something rumble and a low voice. I want to check what is going on.

Hopefully they are not fighting again.

The door handle already in my hand I hear Chun’s voice.

“I wan’ you. Now…”

I am standing there frozen until a moan pulls me back into reality. I go into my room like in trance and close the door behind me. I lie down on my bed trying to think. But thinking alone is really hard. My brain refuses to properly process the things my ears just registered. I am completely apathetic right now.

Could it be that I just hallucinated? No. I clearly heard them. I heard Yoochun…

Why do I still remember Yoochun’s habits when having so clearly? I can’t deny the facts.

I turn around and dig my face and hands into my pillow to suffocate an angry cry.

What the hell is going on? How did it turn into this mess? I was about to let go of him and now…

They dare to do something like this?

I keep pacing and pacing until my feet won’t carry me anymore and I fall on the bed, just the way I am, fully dressed I drift into a restless sleep, dreaming of Jaejoong and Yoochun.

I get up with a complete inner mess caused by several different emotions raging and fighting inside of me. I feel anger, sadness, disappointment, disbelieve, helplessness, guilt…

I hardly slept the whole night so my body feels heavy. I just don’t have the courage or motivation to get up and face them as if nothing happened.

I can hear them now in the hallway talking normally. I get to the door and press my ear against the wood.

“Mornin’” Yoochun says sleepy.

“Hey.”

“Why did I sleep in your room?” he asks innocently.

Do you want to mock me or something?

“You don’t remember?” Jae asks him. I think I can hear relieve in his voice.

What is going on here?

“No. The last thing I know is how we drank together and this brainless woman was here.”

You dare to speak like this of Amelie, when you caused such a mess?

“You were completely drunk, Chunnie. You came upstairs and crawled into my bed. You took all the space.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I tried. I even kicked you but you just kept sleeping. So I just went to your room.”

“Ah, sorry hyung.”

I can’t take it anymore to hear them talking so casually; especially hearing hyung obviously lying straight in Yoochun’s face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDazk5OVVP0&feature=related

Jaejoong

I get out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. I wipe the steam off the mirror with my palm to take a look in it. As I take a look at myself I see a tired me looking back. My eyes are empty, but sometimes I can see sadness flash through them.

What have I done? What did I let myself become? Someone who can only regret?

I laugh bitterly at my reflection not sure how to handle all this by myself anymore. I know that I have no one left to talk to anymore. Talking to Junsu is out of the question as well as Yoochun. Even If he could contact Yunho or Changmin I couldn’t bring myself to confess my betrayal. Living with such a shameful sin will make me even lonelier than I already am. I start to wonder if someday I will be able to see light again.

I rub my hair with a towel and then get dressed. As I enter the hallway Yoochun is standing there looking around irritated.

Pull yourself together now Kim Jaejoong.

“Mornin’” he says; yawning and rubbing his temple with the heel of his hand.

He behaves normal. Maybe…

“Hey” nervousness clearly to hear in my voice. My heart thumps so hard that I feel a bit sick.

“Why did I sleep in your room?”

He really doesn’t remember? I feel relieve wash over me.

“You don’t remember?”

“No. The last thing I know is how we drank together and this woman was here.”

Thanks god, he doesn’t remember.

I feel like crying right now. My heart slows down and my muscles relax a bit.

Now I just have to give him a plausible explanation. Even if it is cowardly, but I don’t know any other way.

“You were completely drunk, Chunnie. You came upstairs and came into my bed. You took all the space.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I tried. I even kicked you but you just kept sleeping. So I just went to your room.”

“Ah, sorry hyung.”

That moment Su suddenly rips open the door and hisses in my ear.

“We need to talk. Now.”

I can hear in his voice that he is boiling with rage. That moment I realize that Su knows.

‘He knows. He knows what happened yesterday night. He knows.’ I cry out over and over again in my head. Despair then emptiness overwhelm me yet again and make me become an emotionless shell for an instant. I follow him into his room. Before he closes the door I can hear Yoochun yell after us.

“I am downstairs. …breakfast.”

I stand there completely stiff, waiting for Su to say something.

“Does he really not remember?” he finally says.

I keep silent putting on a poker face; secretly all churned up inside.

So he really knows. There’s no way to deny it anymore.

“Does he really not remember what happened between you two?” he says with more force.

“No. He doesn’t. It was my entire fault.”

“Then don’t tell him.”

“What?” I ask in surprise.

“I don’t want things to become even more complicated than they already are.

He turns around and stares out the window; silently.

“Why did you do this?” he hisses.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“Have you gone insane?” he says through clenched teeth looking the other way.

“I… I…” I stammer.

“I asked you something. Did. You. Loose. Your. Sense!?” Now he looks at me in rage. His face red and his lips just a thin white line. He is breathing hard.

I can’t make myself say anything at all. I am just standing there, silently admitting my guilt.

“How could you do this? Do you know what you did to all of us? You ruined everything. As if it wasn’t complicated enough you have to add something like that to the pile?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“I don’t want to talk about my state right now. But what you did to Yoochun.”

Now my mood swings from guilt to bewilderment.

“Huh! What I did to Yoochun? Who are you to criticize me?” I say taunting.

“Am I the one who slept with my brother’s ex-lover and cheated on my actual lover?”

“Shut up. Shut the up! You know nothing!”

“I know that you took advantage of Chun and that you betrayed Yunho hyung!”

“I didn’t take advantage of him! He forced himself on me.”

“Then why did you give in to him? You knew he was drunk.” he growls.

“What was I supposed to do, huh?!”

“Stop him!”

“You just don’t understand me. Just don’t know how I am feeling since a long time.” I say hurt.

“How am I supposed to know? You don’t talk to anyone anymore and then you expect me to understand you?”

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” I scream and rush out.

Yoochun heard us yell and came up stairs to check if everything is alright. He watches me rushing down the staircase, no clue what is happening. I just want to get out of here, grab my keys and jacket to rush out. I walk around the streets aimlessly until I end up at a bus stop. A bus is about to arrive and I just get on it not caring where it is headed. At some random station I get off and find myself at some river bend. I walk along the river bend and find a quiet place one can’t see from the street. I sit down, crouched to a ball, my arms folded around my legs; my head resting on my knees. Like this I just sit there and let the tears roll down my face.