http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-WwbFyD98w

Junsu

Come on. Turn. Around. Changmin. Until you try to understand my point of view, I won’t let you go. Not when we fought this bad. I need to make him understand why I am thinking this way. I need to.

I feel it’s wrong to let him leave like this. I am lying on the floor, the chair stinging in my back, but instead of worrying about the piercing pain I just focus on Changmin, who is about to leave. My heart is fluttering so hard in my chest that it keeps bumping against my ribcage. Unsteady I pick myself up and put the chair back in place.

“Please. Sit down Min. It’s not good to leave things like they are right now. We should try to resolve…”

“What would that change?” he suddenly asks me, his hands dangle on the side of his body, but he won’t turn around to face me. His voice is shaky, making me feel uneasy.

“We should just talk about this properly.”

“Properly, huh? So I can listen to you telling me that Yunho hyung and I are traitors? No thanks. I hear that often enough as it is without you adding to it.”

He grabs the door handle again and is about to open the door, but I jump over to him and grab his arm.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I know. But you didn’t even try to understand why I had those doubts.”

He laughs mockingly and turns his head to look at me.

“Did you try to understand our situation?”

“I… it wasn’t me who…” I start to defend myself again.

“See? That’s what I was talking about. Shortsighted jerk.” He rips himself free from my grip and is about to leave. I had already forgotten that he is there but then Hyunjoong stops him.

“Didn’t you come here to talk to Junsu? Changmin, this is a rare chance. Don’t just let it slip away because of your stubbornness.”

Changmin thinks about it for a minute, then he turns around and sits down on the chair he has been sitting on before.   I sit back down as well. I can feel the spot where the chair pierced into my back once more, making me sure of it that it will turn blue and green by tomorrow. Min gives me a sour look and isn’t really in the mood to keep on talking.

“Since you won’t say a thing, I will start.”

Changmin huffs, staring into space.

Great. This will be hard to resolve I guess.

“I wrote those things because I was hurt.”

“Do you think we led a happy, carefree life with pink ponies hopping across a flower field?”

“I never said that it was easy on you.  I already told you how I came to think this way. Isn’t it just natural to waver when there are several reasons to make one do so?”

“No. There is no reason to waver. If you just believed in us, then you wouldn’t have a doubt. You would have understood that all those things weren’t our ideas. We merely followed the terms of our contracts.”

“Maybe I overdid it there, but how could I have known that? We didn’t see each other in a long time. People change. How could I have been sure that you didn’t?”

“Think properly before taking action. But you hold thinking for cheap as we all know.”

“Could you cut that out?” I say a bit pissed at his constant insults.

“Cut what out? You called me a traitor. We always held onto our idea of reuniting. We never gave that up.”

How was I supposed to know? I thought that the thing I was most afraid of really happened. Not being able to talk to you didn’t help one bit, you know that? Maybe I really was a bit too hasty and didn’t think about it long enough.

“Yunho hyung and I. We are still the same, so don’t think too much when you read, hear or see anything like this again.” Min says still cocky, but I can hear a soft tone shimmering through.

I nod wordlessly not sure how to respond. Finally I start to realize that I was terribly wrong.

I could have thought about this myself. I did them wrong.

“I am sorry. I should have trusted you.” I say guiltily.

"We didn't change sides, hyung."

He said hyung just now, right? I didn't hear wrong, did I?

Him calling me hyung takes me by surprise. I didn't expect him to address me this respectful this fast, so I stare at him stupidly.

"You still don't believe me?" he says disappointed as he sees the look on my face.

"No. No, I mean Yes. I mean. I do believe you. I should have known it in the first place..." The words flow out of my mouth and I feel embarrassed that I am not able to say a proper sentence making Changmin laugh at me. I pout at him, but I don’t hold it against him. Sometimes I could hit myself for my impulsiveness.

“Uhm…how were hyung and you doing? I mean… I know that it was hard but…"

At this comment he looks up and directly in my eyes. He obviously hasn't expected me to ask him a question like this.

"We survived, I'd say. Buried ourselves in work and so on."

I nod at him and wait for him to continue but he doesn't, as expected. Changmin had never been very talkative. Either you pull every tiny bit out of his nose or you will wait forever.

"What was it like with the agency? I guess they gave you a very hard time." I say, feeling a tight knot in my throat, making it hard to speak. Min laughs bitterly at my question before he answers.

"They reminded us of our contract terms. Over. And. Over. Again."

"In what way?" I kind of don't even want to know in detail but I need to.

"Like taking our cell phones from time to time. Changing our numbers. Checking our mails. And now making us do and say whatever they want." He says it in a very bitter tone, sending a shiver down my spine. My heart tightens at his answer. Yes, it was clear that something like this would happen after us leaving, but up until now I innocently and naively made myself believe that they were alright and that the agency would treat them in a fair way; meaning not making them suffer because of us. But actually, I already knew it before. I only didn't let myself accept reality hoping that it wouldn't be that way if I just didn't take it as the truth.

"I am sorry." I say under my breath.

"You did the right thing. It was our own choice after all. We could have gone with you, but we chose a different path. That's all there is to say."

Even though I hear him say that I can't help but feel guilty and sad.

"How was it with Yunho hyung? Was it very hard for him?"

"Yes. I definitely was really hard at first. Yunho hyung kept whining and drinking, what made his whining even worse. You just try to take all that 'I want to see JJ.' , 'Minnie, I miss him sooo much.' and so on. It's annoying." he imitates Yunho hyung in a funny way making me grin eventhough it's actually not funny.

So you start to play strong again, huh? I guess the worst is over now.

"Oh my god. Really? It kind of is the same with Jae hyung. But he is a mess. Really. He keeps drinking way too much and often. He doesn't talk to us about his problems. He definitely feels lonely. I can tell. I tried to make him talk but in the end it doesn't work out the way I planned. But I guess it's my fault that it doesn't work out." I play with the glass in front of me, holding it this way and that way, watching it's content staying in the same position no matter what I do.

"It's not that bad with Yunho hyung, but it's bad enough. When he isn't working he is sulking by himself. It's tiring."

"Maybe you should tell hyung that Jaejoong is alright and misses him too." I suggest.

"I won't lie to him."

"It's just partly a lie and to add on a white lie. It's to lighten up his mood. And you can live more peacefully that way." I try persuading him but Min doesn't look so satisfied with this idea.

"I can only live in peace when he meets Jae hyung."

"That's not really possible, is it?" I say depressed.

I would let them meet up this very instant if there was a way. But that's just ridiculous. It would never work. Hey, wait a sec. Isn't Changmin here as well?

"How did you actually get out here tonight?" I ask curiously.

"Hyunjoong hyung helped out. He talked to the CEO and said he wanted to coach me. Otherwise I wouldn't be here."

I look at Hyunjoong with surprise who looks very satisfied with himself, wearing an ear to ear grin on his face.

"Wait. Coach you? For what?"

"Acting."

Now I have to laugh. I laugh so hard that my head turns red and Changmin's facial expression turns sour.

"What is there to laugh about?" he pouts pissed.

"It's just... I never expected you to act." I pull myself together, but feel tears in the corner of my eye. I take a deep breath and remember what the actual topic was.

"Oh. What I was thinking about. Why don't we arrange for those two to meet?"

"And how do you intend to do that?" Min replies unimpressed by my idea.

"With his help." I say pointing at Hyunjoong.

"What? No. No, no, no, no, no. No! Don't pull me into this. I risked my neck for this meeting already." he says defensively shaking his head.

"Oh come on. Please do it for Jae hyung. You're close friends after all."

He frowns at me. I can see that he is fighting with himself, whether he should agree to our crazy intent or not.

"Urgh. Ok, ok. But I won't ask the CEO another time. You better come up with a good plan yourselves. Otherwise, count me out." he says looking from me to Min.

"Aw. How are we supposed to do that?" I frown.

"You don't really believe that the same trick will work twice, do you?" Changmin interrupts me.

"No. But... How are we supposed to arrange a meeting? Anywhere you are there are some members from the agency around. It's impossible."

"No. It's not." Min says slowly thinking hard about something.

"There is a way I think."