Recommended song

Yoochun

“Yoochun, could you pick me up at the theatre after the show? I am too tired to drive today.”

I hesitate for a short moment before I answer.

“When should I be there?”

“At nine.” Enough hesitation on my part to make his cheerful voice change to a hidden depressive one.

“Alright. See you then.” I say and hang up.

At about half past eight I go into the garage and drive out. As I turn right and drive a few meters, I see a black car, pulling up behind me. As I keep driving I glimpse into the rearview mirror and see that the car follows me, keeping its distance of two to three cars from mine, but I am sure that it’s still the same one that pulled out of the parking lot as I exited the complex’s garage.

I change lanes every now and then, trying to get rid of this car.

As I pull into the parking lot at the back entrance to the stage, the car disappears. Relieved I lean my head on the headrest and take a deep breathe.

I am sick of paparazzi and crazy fans that keep following me around wherever I go. I can’t take it anymore.

I feel exhausted enough as it is, with that pile of work. Having no private time because of this 24/7 surveillance can drain one from the last bit of energy.

I look out of the passenger window and see as Su waves someone goodbye and heads over to the car. He waves at me and I sit straight and grab the steering wheel. The door opens with a clicking sound and Junsu takes a seat next to me.

“Hey Yoochun. Thanks for picking me up.” He says with a bright smile on his face.

“No problem.” I say and start the engine.

The short, awkward answer wipes the smile from Su’s eyes. Even though his lips are still formed to a smile there is this sad look in those brown eyes that makes me feel terrible everytime I see it. I pull over and we leave the parking lot, driving onto the street.

The sound of the engine fills the inside of the car. This even, nearly unchanging sound - not our voices that usually cover up the silence. There is a tension in the air that makes it hard for either of us to speak freely. Even though we agreed on sticking through with this dark cloud hovering over our heads, it is still hard for me to ignore the big shadow around us that is being cast by it. It’s a constant company to me since I found out that there are situations in which I can’t even trust myself. It’s frightening. Up until then I felt safe and secure at the thought that even when everyone betrayed me, I could still count on myself.  But in the end it’s Junsu, who I can trust the most. It’s good to know that he is ready to accept me with every flaw, but it’s still hard to bring myself to get used to the thought that I have to rely on someone else other than myself.

I stop the car at the red traffic light in front of us.

“Yoochun.” Junsu says.

“Uhm.” I say, acting as if I concentrate on the traffic.

“Can I come over to your place tonight?” he asks me cautiously.

“Oh, uhm. I don’t think that’s a good idea. I didn’t clean for a few days. There is a big mess.”

“I don’t mind that. It’s not as if my apartment is cleaned everytime either.”

“Maybe. But I thought about continuing with that one song. I should finish it.” I say.

The very moment those words exit my lips, I can feel Su’s spirit drop. Lately I rejected him way too often already, but I am not ready for that yet. I feel bad because I know that I hurt him by doing that. But both of us were aware of the fact that this matter wouldn’t be resolved easily.

“Ok.” Junsu whispers and turns his head to look out of the window.

I lean my left elbow onto the sill and my head onto my fist. With one hand I stir the wheel as the light turns green.

Without another word of conversation – except for a good bye - I drop him off at his apartment-complex and head home.

As I pass by the visitors’ parking lot there is this black car again. I pass by it and try to see if there is someone inside of it, but I can’t see anyone.

Maybe I am just being paranoid from the lack of sleep.

I take a left turn and drive into the garage to my parking space. I get off the car, lock it and go into the lobby. To make sure I just overreacted I ask the portiere if someone asked for me while I was gone. He tells me that there are no messages for me, so I just leave it be and return to my apartment.

The only private place I have in this world.

Jaejoong

“Jaejoong, could you come over and take a look at the fabrics? We need to set for the final design.”

The designer calls for me.

“Yes. Just a moment. I’ll be finished here in a second.” I tell her and concentrate on the things in front of me.

I think this kind of lightning would be better for this song. Or should I go for this one? Pure white would be the best I think.

“I think we should go with the white one to represent the story the song is telling. It fits the mood, don’t you think?” I ask the technicians. Approving sounds come from them so I consider this task as finished.

“Alright. Then we’ll go with this. Thanks for the hard work.” I say and pat the man next to me on his shoulder.

“Ok. I am ready.” I let the designer know and place myself in the middle of the mass of fabric samples they put together so I can choose from them. I roughly scan the samples and some catch my eye immediately.

I want the red one. This one fits me. And the blue one would go with Chunnie’s skin color. What would fit Su… for Su… The yellow one? No. This doesn’t fit him.

Then I see a shade of elegant green shimmer from beneath some other fabrics. I dig it out and hold it so I can take a proper look in good light.

This is it. He should wear this. He will definitely look good in it.

I place the three samples next to each other and see if they harmonize.

Uhm.. this shade of blue doesn’t fit. We need a darker shade.

So I rummage through the samples and I finally find one that fit’s the other two colors perfectly.

“I think. I will choose these. They fit, don’t they?” I ask for confirmation from the designer.

“Uhu. I think so too. They will look good.” She says and looks at the chosen fabrics approvingly. “About the accessories, we’ll pick them when the suits are finished. I will design some for every suit and then we can choose from them.”

“Alright. Let’s do it like that.”

“I will give you a call when I am ready. It will take about two weeks or something, ok?”

“Yes, good. See you then.” I say. The same moment I feel the phone in the pocket of my jeans vibrating but I decide to ignore it for now.

“Jaejoong, I think we are finished for today.” My manager says to me and packs up my stuff for me.

“Ah. Thanks.” I say and take my bag from his hands.

“Should I give you a ride home? You had a really long day.” he offers me, but I decline it.

“Your day has been as long as mine has. At the shortest, I guess. When someone should give a ride to someone it’s me.” I say and smile slightly.

“Oh, no. That would be too much. I can drive home by myself. Don’t worry.” He assures me.

“Ok, I will accept that this time but be careful on your way home.” I tell him like a mother tells her child.

“I will.  See you tomorrow. Your first schedule is at 7 a.m. Don’t forget.”

“How could I with a nagging wife as you are.” I chuckle.

“I am just making sure that you don’t miss out one of these. A director has lots of responsibilities.”

“I know, I know. I’ll be going home now.” I say amused.

“Hey, guys. Thanks for your hard work. See you the next time.”

Noise of a bunch of people’s voices fills my ears as I leave the meeting rooms and head down to the parking lot to get my car. On my way down there I encounter some of the company’s staff members, bringing me to have some more chats before I finally reach my car. Exhausted I sink onto the driver’s seat and lean back. After several deep breaths I rub my aching eyes because of the circle-lenses I wore since this morning. Then I finally drive off.

The streetlights pass by me fast as I drive along the busy streets that wind their way through the nocturnal core of Seoul.

I like to go for a drive at night. I open the window a bit so I can feel the nightly breeze over the skin on my face and hands. My hair gets messed up and my eyes start to tear up a bit by the cold wintery air.

As I pull into the driveway to the apartment complex I hear the wheels silently rolling over the asphalt.

I am home. Once again.

The lights flash as I press the button on my car key, letting me know that the doors are locked now. Without wasting another moment on that I turn around and I go upstairs. The door opens with the familiar order of peeping sounds as I punch in the code. The door falls shut behind me.

I switch on the lights, and that moment Jiji turns around the corner to greet me with a nearly inaudible “meow”. He huddles against the corner of the doorframe to the guest’s bathroom as he waits for me to finish putting off my shoes and jacket.

I pick him up and his head gently.

“Hey Jiji. Did you miss me?” I whisper to him and feel his soft fur as my fingers glide over his back.

I walk into the hallway with him on my arm as my cell phone vibrates in my pocket.

I put Jiji down as I realize that holding him and pulling out the phone from my pocket won’t work out at the same time.

The illuminated screen shows that a message arrived; from Hong hyung.

I open the message and read it.

Jaejoongie. How have you been lately? Don’t you want to come visit me in my restaurant sometime soon? Maybe you can meet him. He’s been here several times lately.

Hyung! It’s nice to hear from you. I’ve been really busy, sorry. Maybe I will come over some time if I can arrange it. See you.

Before I put my phone away I notice the tiny sign for a remembrance so I check what it is. As I read the memo I freeze for a short moment.

I hurry over to the TV and switch it on. I search the channels, and then I finally find it.

I sink onto the sofa and watch the glimmering pictures in front of me.

“So Changmin is the prince and Yunho is the Pioneer.” Kang ho-dong’s voice sounds from the speakers.

I watch it tensed up and I drift away again and again therefore I have a hard time to concentrate on what is being said. Still I am able to get the most crucial part…

Hyung… Please tell me when he is there again. I will come there then.

I send the message and then switch off the TV.

Yes, I would definitely pay a visit.

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