Junsu

I would have never thought that I would end up in this kind of way. When I was still a trainee I dreamed of becoming a singer, to stand on a huge stage and perform in front of a screaming crowd. I was determined to reach this dream and to make it come true. It was a stony road to the very moment I actually stood in front of a huge crowd, screaming my name ( ok, to be honest it wasn’t just my name and to be exact mine and Changmin’s where the names that were the most neglected ones out of the five but still.)

I snicker at that thought.

After I finally reached that dream I felt fulfilled, but by then I had grown older and more mature; compared to my trainee days of course; and different dreams and goals popped up in my world and I had even more things to chase after than before. Fall in love with a nice girlfriend, eventually marriage and a family. And of course to be successful as a singer and artist.

At this point I somehow realized that it was naïve to believe that Dong Bang Shin Ki would stay together as five forever. It had been a childish dream, but I still shoved that thought aside hoping that I wouldn’t have to wake up too soon. I wanted to keep dreaming.

But all came different. I fell in love, yes. But not with a nice girl, but with a sarcastic and mean Yoochun.

I miss you Chun.

We had uncountable ups and downs and we constantly fought to keep our relationship alive. With this happening my dream world started to crumble. I fell in love with a guy with the consequence that having a family with little kids would become kind of impossible.

I didn’t try to deny my feelings, but I had some serious difficulties when it came to sort all things out in my head. Getting used to these thoughts was a challenge.

The next obstacle for me was to accept the fact (or rather so I thought) that those feelings were one-sided. I can’t tell you how relieved I felt when Yoochun told me that he loved me the same way as I did. I was kinda brain-dead at that moment. For a short second my soul left my body but then I felt like reborn.

I remember that moment so vividly that my hearts starts to race.

Just 3 days ago was Cunnie’s birthday but we didn’t get to celebrate it just the two of us, like I had planned. I wanted to surprise him with a relaxing evening at home, but since all of us are so busy it’s hard for us to even meet.

What would it have been like if we hadn’t left SMEnt? Eventhough I promised myself like a 1000 times to not ask stupid “if”-questions I still do it. I don’t know why.

Maybe because we would get to spend more time together but on the other hand we would still be unhappy. We made the right decision even if it’s hard.

Making decisions by ourselves without being directed and controlled at all times. It gave me a strange feeling of security back then, but locking oneself in a cage isn’t quite the ideal way to live.

Am I walking a good path now? I honestly don’t know, but I am determined to walk to the end.

People often asked us what we think when we stand in front of a huge cheering crowd.

Now you know. ^^

Yoochun

“Have you seen Junsu, Chunnie?” Jaejoong asks me while we change out of our sweaty clothes backstage.

I struggle out of my shirt, stumble backwards and fall against the cabin wall with a loud thud.

“What the hell are you doing over there?” hyung asks me snickering.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“I didn’t ask you if you are fine.”

“Ha. Ha. You’re incredibly funny.” I say sarcastically.

“What’s wrong with you? Lately you are so… how should I say it? Uncool?”

“Hmpf. And that is coming from Kim Jaejoong.” I laugh and finally manage to get out of that stupid shirt. I throw it on the floor and wipe my hair out of my face.

“Thanks, Yoochun. You are too kind. Now did you see Su?”

“No. What do you need him for anyway?” I ask him. Maybe a bit too unpleased.

“I want to kiss and touch him. Taste and touch him.”

With that I step out of the changing cabin and glare at Jaejoong.

“Wow. Yoochun. You’re really scary, you know?”

“That’s not funny. Really.” I mumble and take a fresh shirt and pull it over my head making my hair messy again.

“Could it be that your mood is this bad because you… Ah, never mind.”

“What?” I ask him annoyed and look into the mirror trying to make my hair look ok again.

“It’s just we’ve all been so busy lately…”

Suddenly Jaejoong stands behind me and whispers into my ear.

“You didn’t have in months now, right?” he says, his face all serious.

I step back a few steps and look at him defensively and a bit mad.

How did he know?

“What? Why… How? What?” I stutter.

“It’s obvious. You’re cranky and overly sensitive when it comes to Junsu.”

“Don’t talk rubbish.”

“Hm… but Su doesn’t seem as effected by it as you.”

“Argh. Stop it now. I am tired and I really don’t want to listen to your verbal diarrhea. I’m leaving.” I say grab my jacket and bag so I can just leave.

Is it so obvious that I didn’t have in such a long time? How did I survive the time we were separated? God. I am so pathetic. I need to cool down somehow.

Jaejoong

“Kana. Have you seen Junsu? I need him for a second.” I ask a staff member as I am still looking for Su.

Where the hell did he go?

“Ah, yes. He is in C to change his clothes.”

“Thanks.”

I quickly head to the other side of the backstage area looking here and there if I can spot Su somewhere.

“Hyung.” Someone calls behind me. I turn around and see Junsu standing in the hallway.

“Hey. I was looking for you. I forgot my I-pod in your bag.”

“Yup. Noticed it. I just wanted to bring it to you.”

“Did you find the songs on it that you wanted?”

“Yup. Thanks. You saved me. I don’t know how I could forget my MP-3 player.”

“No problem. Are you going to the hotel now?” I ask him and spool the cable of the headphones around the i-Pod.

“Uhm. I don’t really feel like going out. The after party was enough for me. You’re meeting the guys I guess?”

I just nod and wave.

“Bye then. See you tomorrow I guess.”

“Yes. Have fun.”

I turn to leave but then I remember something.

“Oh. Su?”

“Yes?”

“Just a thought, but maybe you should attend a bit to Yoochun tonight. He needs something from you but is too shy to ask for it.” I smirk at Su who is looking at me questioningly.

“Huh? I don’t really…”

“Intoxication…” I whisper and take my leave laughing soundlessly.

Junsu

“Intoxication…” Jaejoong whispers to me and then I understand.

I feel my cheeks burning as Jaejoong just turns around and walks off.

I know. I know too well. I hope tonight we can spend some time together. Just the two of us. I really need it by now. I miss him.

“Yoochun? Are you here?” I shout as I walk into the hotel room.

“I’m in the bathroom!” I hear his muffled voice. I rush there and already pull my shirt over my head on my way.

As I look up I see Yoochun standing in front of me, hair wet and a towel lying on his shoulder.

“Oh. You’re already finished.” I say a bit disappointed.

Ok, plan A failed.

“You want to go shower too I guess?”

I nod and plant a forced smile on my face. I quickly walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I lean against the still slight wet door, close my eyes and exhale.

This is just so much harder than I imagined it to be. But what did I expect. It didn’t work since the beginning of our tour.

I just shove the thought aside and take a quick refreshing shower.

As I come out of the bathroom Yoochun is sitting on the couch and watches TV while he is playing on his phone. I take a deep breath and walk over to him and sit down next to him.

“Yoochun?”

“Mhm?” he says without looking up from his phone.

“Ah, I am tired. Should we go to bed?” I ask a bit clumsily. In my mind I already slap myself for using this stupid tactic to get him come to bed with me.

“Uhm… I still need to… do things. You can go ahead. Rest well.” He says still not looking at me.

Disappointed I acknowledge defeat and retreat. I lie down and pull the blanket up to my nose. Every now and then I sneak a peek at Chun who reluctantly keeps typing away on his phone.

I sigh and stare at the ugly painting on the one side of the room.

Suddenly the TV is being turned off and I can hear Yoochun getting up from the sofa and his footsteps walk over to the bed. Panicky I decide to act as if I am asleep. I can feel as he lies down next to me and pulls a bit on the blanket so that he can cover himself.

I try to calm myself and keep up my acting even though I feel him shifting from one side to the other.

“This won’t do. I can’t keep this up for much longer.” He whispers. At this I decide to cut the act and I turn around to look at him.

“What is it Yoochun? You ok?” I ask concerned.

“Mmm..” he grumbles.

“Ok?” I say not really buying it but I know that he doesn’t want to be bothered when he’s in a bad mood so I just let it go.

Minutes tick by as we lie in bed next to each other; silently.

“Argh. No. I can’t take this anymore.” Yoochun suddenly says out loudly and sits up. Startled I sit up too.

“What is it? Did something happen?”

“No. Nothing. That is the problem. Nothing happened.”

“What…?” I am completely confused at his sudden outburst. It is so unlike him. He turns to me and looks at me intensely.

“I know you’re tired… but I… I.”

Instead of saying anything I just look at him still trying to make out what this is all about.

The next moment Yoochun pushes me backwards and rolls on top of me and kisses me with so much force that I need to push him off me to catch my breath.

“I’m sorry.”

“Gosh. Finally. You really acted so out of your usual pattern.” I chuckle. I roll over and kiss him my hand already wandering under his shirt.

“But…I…thought… you… tired…” he gasps in between kisses.

“Yoochun, shut up. Would you just enjoy this?” I ask looking at him from above.

He thinks for a short second but the he pulls me down into another kiss.

Hi !!!! =D

It seems I always update the fiction when they're running maintenance... O.o I guess I found my hidden talent xDD

Anyway, Thanks for being patient ^^ I hope you like the new chapter =)

love you ♥