http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFJ-P7qzfdQ

Jaejoong

I am driving down the street after the rehearsal for the upcoming concerts. I feel especially nervous about those, because going on stage in our home country is something different. It will show if the fans accept our decision, and I am afraid to be given that answer, since I am not that sure myself.

I take a turn left and stop at a florist’s shop. In the car I put on a face mask and a cap trying to disguise myself. But to be honest, I think it’s not that much of a use, rather a habit.

Like this I enter the shop and pull out the cactus from the little box I brought with me.

“Hello Sir. Can I help you?” a nice lady asks me as I enter.

She didn’t recognize me; yet.

“Do you have some of these cactuses?” I ask showing her the plant in my hand. She takes a close look at it and smiles.

“Yes. We do.” She says.

“How many do you have?” I ask excited.

“Please wait a moment. I will check.” She answers a bit confused leaving me alone at the counter. After a few moments she returns with a carton full of cactuses.

“You are lucky. People don’t buy those often because they blossom extremely rarely.”

I nod and take out my wallet.

“There is a really nice story about them. It says that there once was a young couple but they got separated. The man gave his lover one of those cactuses and said that when it blossoms it means that he will return to get her. Today people think that when it finally blossoms its owner will encounter love. I really like plants that have some stories like that about them.” She blabbers obviously nervous.

“I take them all.” I say and hand her my credit card. She takes it without a word and gives it back after finishing.

“Uhm… I don’t want to be impolite, but can I ask you for a sign, please?” she asks shyly.

“Sure.” I put on my well-practiced smile and take the pen she hands me to sign a piece of paper.

“Thank you very much. I hope you like the cactuses.” She says as I leave the shop with the carton full of cactuses. I put the carton box into the trunk of my car and close it shut.

I immediately return home and bring the plants upstairs. There I unpack them and put ‘em next to the other cactuses I already have, the first one I received from the fan I put separately on a windowsill.

For some time I just sit there and stare at them as if I am hoping that they suddenly grow blossoms. I feel very sad again as I look at the plants, with their spikes so no one can actually touch them properly without getting hurt. I feel the still cold glass bottle in my hand and take a sip from it. While sitting there all alone and staring at those dismally plants I become depressed again. My heart starts to beat hard and I have to pant for breath. Tears flow down my cheeks as I recall all the mistakes I made so far.

Why did I end up like this?

I don’t know how long I sat there pitying myself. I just know that it’s the middle of the night as I finally decide to go to bed.

I don’t sleep well because I keep dreaming of weird things that cause me to start up from my sleep again and again.

The next day I feel beat. I have to force myself to get up and get ready to leave. I don’t really remember the drive to practice. As I arrive there Su and Yoochun aren’t there yet, so I get a drink from the vending machine. I plug my ears with the earphones, listening to music on full volume with my eyes closed.

It hurts my ears but I don’t care. I don’t want to hear anything else to recollect myself to be able to rehearse properly. It’s the only thing in my life right now that works quite well after all.

But then some pulls out one earphone and screams in my ear.

“Hey!”

I cover my ear with my hand and wince in pain. I pull out the second phone as well and look up to see who the culprit is.

“Yoochun, are you crazy?” I growl at him.

“What? You didn’t react.” He says with a cheeky smile on his lips.

Huh? What is this?

Finally I realize that Yoochun and Junsu stand close to each other. Really close. So that the backs of their hands touch. My eyes flicker from their hands to their smiling faces.

Yoochun shrugs and puts his arm around Su’s shoulders.

“Let’s go. We have work to do after all.” Yoochun says.

He pulls Su closer and turns around to leave. I get up and walk after them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rr7lZ_qVm8E&feature=related

Junsu

After rehearsing for the showcase Jae hyung takes me by the hand and lead me to a quiet place away from the others. Yoochun still discusses some things with the director, so he doesn’t notice.

“What happened with you and Yoochun?” he asks me.

“We kind of are back together.” I answer hastily waiting for hyung’s reaction.

“Really? How did that happen? What about Amelie?”

“There were some issues with her…” like this I tell him the whole story about Amelie and how she tried to threaten Yoochun.

“Why do people like her even exist? That’s just crazy.” Jaejoong says angrily.

“I know. Crazy.”

“I mean. What is so good about celebrities? We are just normal human beings with more disadvantages than normal people.”

“Mhm.”

He is right. What good thing is there about being together with a famous person? You have to hide wherever you go and have to put up with getting bashed…

“So you really are back together, huh?” he asks me once more.

I nod happily, wearing a smile.

“What about your dad?”

With this he manages to wipe the smile off my face in one go.

“I am not so sure about that yet. We didn’t really talk about that properly for now.” I say depressed.

“You should think about a solution. It’s not as if this matter doesn’t exist anymore.”

“I know, I know. I… will think of something.” I say defensively.

I don’t really want to confront myself with that unpleasant thing this early after our reconciliation. But there is no way around that anyway. The sooner I take care of it the better.

I look the other way until hyung says something.

“But don’t forget to focus on the concert, will you? With your head full of Chun now.” He teases me.

It feels so nice to be back to the way we used to be.

Chun then joins us. He and hyung keep teasing me like in old times.

The whole time until the show case we keep practicing like maniacs, trying to perfect our performances to show the audience that we grew.

But as it seems there lie several problems ahead. The weather is too bad and gives us a lot of troubles.

"There is a problem with the weather. The wind is too strong. We can't put up the dome." the director says to us.

"Then what about the fans? It's too cold. We need that dome." Jae hyung says to him.

"I know, but it's dangerous. It could break down."

"So what do we do now? It was expensive. One reason for the high price of the tickets was this dome." hyung says; politely and coolly.

Discussions like this are held during the preparations over and over again.

In the end many things we planned have to be canceled. We have to remove the dome that was planned to cover the stadium to shelter the audience; the special effects don’t work as planned and so on. We are really pissed that it doesn’t work the way we planned and that we wasted a lot of money. But the most regretful thing is that we disappoint the fans.

Even though a lot of things go wrong it’s alright. Yoochun gives me strength. I am so happy that all the negative things don’t seem as bad as they actually are.

But as for Jae hyung; I can see that it really worries and pisses him off. But like he usually does, he keeps a cool façade and tries to smooth things out as good as possible.

He seems to bury himself in work more and more, what makes me worried. He still tries to desperately escape all the other problems; personal issues to be exact.

He keeps to occupy himself with the direction and organization; things that actually shouldn't concern him.

Neither does he talk about his thoughts so I don’t know how to help him. I try to make him talk but since Chun and me got back together I slack off as well. The happiness makes me forget that there are still people around me that are in pain; especially Jaejoong.

I still think that hyung isn’t doing the right thing, but I can’t seem to convince him. For now, supporting him is the only thing I can do.

The showcases were a big chaos, and I feel bad towards the fans, but the knowledge that so many Cassies came to see us perform, makes me really happy. It gives me new strength to continue giving my best.

After finishing the concerts we take a bit time off every day to relax. I for my part spend most of this time with Chunnie, still too happy to be true.

“Hey Su. Hyung’s and Minnie’s album will be released on the 4^th. We should go and buy it.” Yoochun says. Once more I am at his place, resting on his lap while watching TV.

“Uhm. We should.” I mumble tired.

He gives me a peck on the mouth and takes my hand in his. I keep my eyes closed but smile slightly at the ticklish feeling on my lips.

“The CD arrived!” I yell and take the package inside.

Jae hyung and Chun are sitting in the living room, tensely waiting for me to open the package. Together we rip it open and I hold the CD in my hands. Nervously I open the case and take out the CD to listen to it. While listening to it we sit there silently.

I keep looking at the cover of the CD.

So they actually continued. I hope the two of you are ok.

No one is able to say a thing. All of us are just not in the mood to do so. Hearing their voices, makes us realize once more that we live in two different worlds for now, without a visible end of this situation.

After listening to it hyung leaves, obviously not sure what to feel. Yoochun stays behind with me. We sit on the couch and silently think for ourselves.

"Do you think they are alright?" I ask Yoochun.

"I hope so."

Then he gets up to take a shower. I sit on the sofa in the living room, take the CD once more and open it. I flip through the booklet and freeze after taking a thorough look at it.

What the heck is this? I am disappointed in you, Yunho hyung.