Yoochun

The phone slips out of my hand and I hear the faraway sound of it falling to the ground. I turn my head and I look at Junsu, looking confused at my frozen expression. My mind goes completely blank, so my body moves on its own making me head to the hallway with the intention of leaving here.

“Yoochun?! What…? Wait!” but I don’t listen and just leave through the front door after grabbing my shoes.

I hurry to the elevator and impatiently press the call button again and again, hoping that it would come faster if I do this. I watch the little screen above the elevator as the numbers on it gradually grow higher.

It feels like hours until I hear this ‘ding’ as the elevator finally reaches the level I am on. I shove myself in as soon as the doors open. Again I hit the button to head to the garage several times. As the doors close I can see Junsu as he goes after me and watches me with this worried look on his face that vanishes behind the closing doors.

I lean on the wall to support myself. I feel dizzy, what makes it hard for me to come to a clear thought.

I reach the garage and get off to head to my car. The cold feeling on my feet lets me notice that I still carry my shoes in my hands. As I walk over to my car I put them on causing me to drip several times. In the end I lean against the door of my car and slip them over. Hastily I unlock the car and I get in. I don’t even bother putting on the seatbelt, but just start the engine and drive off instantly. The automatic door of the garage opens and I drive through it out on the street that is covered in the darkness of the cold winter night.

Having no idea where I am headed I keep on going in random directions, taking turns here and there until I make up my mind and give in to the urge to have some strong liquid running down my throat. I take a U-turn and head to a small quiet bar, where I can be by myself for the time being. I don’t want to see anyone at the moment. All I want is to get it out of my head. This… I need to get it out of my head. Because it can’t be true, can it? It can’t possibly be. No way.

I lock the car and quickly vanish in the dim light of the bar. I am headed to my usual private room and tell Jinyoung, the barkeeper that he should bring me a bottle of something as long as it’s really strong.

I try to hide my face from the other guests looking the other way, down at the floor. The moment I reach the safety of the separated room the wild mix of emotions flood over and I sink to the floor, onto a cushion. I lean against the wall and breathe heavily.

“And then we slept with each other. You remember?”

This sentence repeats over and over again in my head, but I can’t bring myself to fully understand what I heard just now.

Suddenly an image appears before my mind’s eye. I stumble into a dark room and climb into a bed under the blanket.

I shake my head and burry my hands in my hair hoping to get rid of this unimaginable piercing headache, that’s about to burst my head in two.

What the hell is this? It’s not possible that what Jaejoong said is the truth. It’s just not possible. I would never do such a thing. I love Junsu…

The next moment the door slides open and Jinyoung comes in with an empty glass and a bottle of Jacky.

“Are you alright, Yoochun?” he says puts down the tray and comes over to me.

“It’s ok. It’s just a headache. Nothing serious.” I say through clenched teeth trying to handle this pain.

“Ok. If you say so. If you need me just ring the bell. I’ll be here immediately, ok?”

“Yes, yes. Thanks.” I say and send him away with a gesture.

My vision is all blurry and I feel dizzy, so I open the bottle and pour me a glass to empty it with one sip. The liquor burns down my throat helping me to ease my headache. Bit by bit it subsides since the alcohol kicks in making me feel numb at some point. I pour down one glass after another until everything around me seems as if it’s moving.

Again. I remember.

Someone is lying in bed already. It feels warm, and I snuggle into that person’s warm chest. The next thing I remember is that I hold down this person’s hands above his head and I look into a blurred face.

I snap out of it again and the pounding headache comes back, even if it’s not as bad as the first time. I drink more glasses to numb the pain again nearly having emptied the whole bottle by now.

This is not possible. This can’t be. It must have been Su. It can’t be another person but him. He is the only one for me…

The next thing I can see appearing before my mind’s eye is me holding those hands in a tight grip, and desperate eyes looking into mine.

“Don’t…” those red lips say without making a sound. My vision clears for a short second and a shock pulls me back into this small stuffy room.

“What have I done? What is this? This is not real, is it?”

All of a sudden it feels so hot in here and the walls seem to move closer. I crawl backwards towards the door and clumsily try to push it open. Eventually I manage to and fall out of the room. Someone is grabbing my upper arm and helps me to stand up.

“Yoochun. Are you alright? Should I…”

I look at the person that is supporting me, but the moment I see this face. It’s his face. Jae hyung.

I break free from the grip and stumble away.

“Why are you here?” I say.

“What do you mean? I am always here at thi…”

“No. You shouldn’t be here. Don’t come near me anymore. I betrayed him because of you.” I yell at him.

“What are you talking about?” he asks me, playing all dumb. As if he doesn’t know.

“You know very well what I am talking about. Don’t act as if you don’t know. You said it yourself. No you. Who?” I say in between my hick-ups as I try to make out which image of Jaejoong actually is the real one since I suddenly see two of them.

“What the heck are you talking about? Uwaah, drunk people…” Jaejoong says annoyed, but I ignore him.

“You not even y. My baby is y. You are not. And you aren’t either. Look at this hair do. No y.” I chuckle ruffling his hair.

“Stop this Yoochun. You make me feel weird you know?” they say.

“Ha ha. Since when do you have a twin? You’re so strange hyung.” I laugh.

Suddenly the second one vanishes again.

“Why would I want to do you, huh? Not possible. You’re no good. My little Yoochun wouldn’t even get excited. No appeal…” I chuckle and drip over my own feet and I have to support myself at the counter to not fall to the ground.

“What the hell…? Ok, Yoochun. I will give Junsu a call to come and pick you up. Come here.” He says and tries to put my arm around his shoulder, but I push him away.

“No! I want my baby. Baby, where are you?!” I yell whining.

I feel so very dizzy now and I sink down on a chair at the bar laying my head on the counter. I close my eyes and breathe slowly and evenly.

Junsu

What is going on here?

I look at Yoochun whose face is filled with shock. My phone is lying on the floor. Yoochun obviously had held it up till a short while ago.

Suddenly he storms past me leaving me standing there dumbfounded.

I try to stop him, but it seems that he doesn’t hear me. Torn between chasing after him and look who the person on the phone was I stand there debating with myself what to do.

I decide to check the phone and a cold shiver goes down my spine as I see the caller ID. It’s Jae hyung.

Oh my god. He didn’t tell him, did he? It would be the end. What do I do if that’s the case?

He didn’t hang up yet so I check if he is still on the phone. I try to suppress the panic that is about to take over.

“Hello? Hyung?” I say with a shaking voice.

There is no answer. The only audible thing is a heavy breathing. I quickly hang up and hurry after Yoochun.

I have to catch up to him. I have to know what happened. I need to talk to him.

I turn around the corner, but I am too late. I have to watch him as he vanishes behind the doors of the elevator. I return to my apartment as if someone else possesses my body. The only way I know I closed the door is the silent clicking noise of the door shutting close. The next thing I recognize is the softness of the couch I sit on. I pull my legs close to my chest crouching myself to a ball. My heart is hammering in my chest; so hard that it hurts my throat. My breath quickens to a speed my lungs hurt from the amount of air I in. Tears sting my eyes and hot drops of tears trail down my cheeks. Helpless I sit there on the sofa, like children cry for their mother.

Kim Junsu, you just ruined it all. You lost all that was precious to you.

Like this I keep on sitting there for a long time silently crying for myself. My head feels completely empty. There is no use in me trying to force my brain to come up with a satisfying conclusion for this messed up situation; because I am aware that there is no answer. The only thing I can do is wait and hope that Yoochun can still look me in the eyes.

Time goes by in an unbearable slow way, waiting to get back the control over my body. As soon as I recover myself from the paralysis I pick up my phone and call Yoochun, not even bothering to wipe off the tears.

As one would have expected all I can hear is the monotone voice of the lady telling me to try calling later again.

Over and Over again I call him, in hopes of him picking up at some point; even though I don’t believe that he will do so. I wouldn’t either.

Another time I hit the call button and the tooting sound gets interrupted.

“Hello, Junsu?” I hear a voice saying I don’t recognize at first.

“Who is this?” I ask, thinking about hundred frightening things that could have happened to Chun.

“This is Jinyoung. Someone has to come and pick up Yoochun. He is completely drunk. Now he is sleeping on the counter.”

I can feel relieve washing over me as I realize who the person is who picked up the phone.

“Yes sure. I will drive over in a sec.”

“Maybe you should get here by taxi. Then you can drive home with Yoochun‘s car.” He says. I can hear something made of glass crashing to the floor.

“Great. Now it’s broken.” Jinyoung mumbles. “Uhm, alright. I will wait until you come here, ok?”

“Ok. I won’t take long.” I say and hang up.

In a hurry I look for my wallet that I find in the pocket of my jeans I had worn today. Then I put on a jacket and shoes. While I go down by elevator I put on my disguise.

I am lucky and find some taxis standing on the other side of the street. I wave one of them over and get in telling the driver to go to the Backyard bar. Impatiently I hurry the driver and push him to drive faster. As I pay him he gives me a sour look, but I don’t pay any attention to him. The only thing I can think about is to bring Yoochun home. If I don’t grab this chance, it might become hard to get him to properly talk to me.

I enter the dark, empty bar except for two people; one is sleeping on the counter, loudly snoring while the other one is cleaning up some broken glass from the floor next to the sleeping person.

Jinyoung looks up to me as I head over to them.

“Oh, good. You’re here already.” He says not hiding his relieve.

“Is he alright? How much did he drink?” I ask checking the snoring Yoochun in front of me.

“About one bottle of whiskey.”

“Really? How can he be knocked out just because of this…?” I wonder and turn back to Jinyoung.

“He didn’t pay yet, did he?”

“No. But since he’s a regular it’s alright he pays up another time.”

“Ok. I think I don’t have enough money on me anyways. Uhm, could you help me bring him into the car?”

“Sure.” He says and both of us lift him up on one side and we carry him to the car.

“The car key. I have it. I took it to look for his cell phone.”

Jinyoung unlocks the door and we lift him on the seat. I bend over him and put on the seatbelt.

“Thanks, Jinyoung. You’re really one person to count on.” I say patting his shoulder.

“Aw, no problem. Uhm, by the way. He kept talking really weird stuff.” He shivers.

“Really weird. I really don’t want to know the reason behind it.”

“What happened?” I ask anxiously.

“He thought I was someone else. He kept telling me I am not y and he would never do me. Oh my god. I think I’ll see him in a different light now. So dirty, ugh. Maybe he has some troubles? Probably it would be good to talk to him when he sobers up.” He says.

Yeah great, the first person to judge us if we were to reveal our real relationship.

“Oh, I… will do that.” I stutter and we say our goodbyes.

I get in the car and drive off.

With all the strength I have I carry him upstairs to my apartment and lay him into my bed. I undress him to put a pajama on him and I cover him with a blanket.

I take a seat in the big chair in the corner of my bed room and watch him sleep and slowly I drift to sleep too.

My lovely readers, subcribers and those who comment,

once more I want to thank you so much for your patience and your encouraging comments. =D 

I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

love you so much ♥