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Yunho

"KYAAAAA! ONEW!!!" all the fangirlies around us are screaming their hearts out, hoping that their bias would look their way. I feel very uncomfortable being stuck in the middle of such a huge crowd. In fact I was really angry at first when Minnie’s and my manager told us we had to go to SHINee's solo concert. Me thinking this way might be unfair because the five boys are like brothers and I have to watch their first solo concert. But it just reminds me too much of old times, when DBSK still was a five member unit.

All the while we were watching Jinki, Jonghyun and the others perform on stage I had a tight knot in my stomach making me feel sick. My heart still feels swollen so it takes too much space that my lungs can't expand enough for me to breathe properly. Everytime I blink my eyes shut I see their faces. The very moment my eyes open again they burn and I feel like crying, but I don't. Not anymore. It's rather a phantomlike pain, a reminder, nothing else.

"KYAAAAAAA!!!! Encore! ENCORE!" They scream now, but the performance is already over, including the encore.

"Let's get going, Min." I yell into Changmin's ear. He just nods and we head outside through the nearest exit. I lead the way to one of the VIP entrances, but halfway Changmin stops.

"I need to use the restroom. Hyung should go ahead. Hyunjoong hyung said he'll wait in front of the exit. I'll be right there."  he says and just leaves me standing there without another word.

Why do you have to leave me alone right now? Thank s god there are no people yet. I should go now before they all storm out.

I walk towards the door and step outside. The moment I look around I already spot Hyunjoong standing at his car waving at me.

"The front seat is full. You have to sit in the back." he says and gets back into the car immediately. I open the door and sit down. Before I can say a proper "Hi" I notice someone sitting next to me. I turn my head and freeze at the spot.

Jae. What is he doing here?

My heart skips a beat and I feel numb all over. He stares at me for a second, not showing any emotions on his face. Instead he leans forward to Hyunjoong and whispers something into his ear I can't make out.

"I'll help you." Hyunjoong says and drives off. Jae seems really pissed and tries to open the door, but it won't open.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Hyunjoong scolds him and makes sure that the doors are locked.

Jae doesn't look at me, and only stares out of the window. Hyunjoong looks at me through the rearview mirror with an asking look on his face. Instead to answer him I just look down on my folded hands.

Now you got what you wanted, Jung Yunho.

Flashback

Jae and I are sitting on the bed in my room after it became official that Jae, Chunnie and Su will file a lawsuit against SMEnt.

"So it's definite now. Our ways will part. For now." Jae says to me with a sad look on his face as he is holding my hand.

"Uhm. But maybe it's not just for now." I reply.

"Don't be so pessimistic. I know that the chances are minimal but don't lose faith. We will be together as five again one day."

"Yes, maybe as DBSK." I say.

"What are you trying to say?" Jae asks me confused at my unclear hints.

"I am trying to say that we might get together as DBSK again, but I don't see the same future for the two of us."

"What do you mean by that? We will endure it. I know it will be hard, but we can..."

"No! I don't want to drag this out any longer. Let's just end it here and now." I say ice cold.

"Yunho, now is not the right time to pull jokes like this. It's so not like you." Jae says having tears in his eyes.

"I am not joking." I reply and pull my hand out of his.

"Really, it's not funny. Don't say something like this." Jae says, now breathing uneven as he tries to hold back his tears.

"I said, I am not kidding. We should break up."

"What?" he breaths lowly and a tear rolls down his cheek.

"We should stop this now."

"How can you say that so easily? All these years... just like this..."

Tears keep falling down slowly uniting to streams trailing down his cheeks as he keeps shaking his head slightly.

I don't say a word, just keep up a stone mask, so my feeling won't give me away.

"Why?" he asks me; his voice shaking.

"I already told you."

"No you didn't. I want to know a reason."

"Because I don't think this relationship has a future." My voice is completely emotionless.

"I can't accept this. What kind of reason is this?" he says now fierce hurt tainting his words.

"It's the reason that made me come to this decision. The sooner you accept it, the better."

"No. No. What is it that makes you think that way? I can change it, if you just tell me." Jae says desperately trying to make me change my mind.

"That is something you can't change." I say and I get up to turn my back at him and look out of the window watching his reflection in the glass.

Jae stares into space as he asks me the last question before we part our ways.

"Is it... do you not love me anymore?"

I don't say a word. I can't say another word.

"I understand."

With those words he wipes away his tears, leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

Remembering these scenes, his teary face and the pain in his voice, I feel a tight knot building up in my throat making it hard to breath. Occasionally I glance at him, but all I can see is the back of his head, hiding his face from me which could let me know what he is thinking.

I don't know where Hyunjoong is taking us, ‘cause there are as good as no streetlights anymore that would lighten up the pitch black night around us. All I can make out is that we are going somewhere uphill driving through woods.

Suddenly we stop and Hyunjoong gets out of the car.

"What...?" Jae says and looks out of the window. He tries to open the door, but it is still locked.

Then another car stops next to us

"What is Su...?" Jae whispers to himself. The next moment he crawls up and climbs to the front and gets out of the car yelling.

"YAH!"

I go after him and don't believe what I am seeing through the rolled down window at the passenger door.

Yoochun, Changmin and Su... What is going on here?

Hyunjoong hurries over and gets into Su's car.

"What are you doing!? Come back here!" Jae yells and runs after him. "YAH! LEAVE THE KEY HERE!"

The back window rolls down while the car pulls over and sets to drive off and Hyunjoong waves out of the window with the key in his hand.

"See you later!" he yells and then the car takes up speed.

Jae picks up some stones from the ground and throws them after the car, but misses it.

"YAH! Come back! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!"

All this while I am standing there just watching not being able to do anything out of surprise.

Jae kicks a stone with his foot and screams. "ARGH! Bastards!"

Now he stomps over and climbs halfway into the car. He comes back outside with his jacket in his hands. He pulls it on and angrily storms away.

"Hey. Where are you going?" I scream after him but he won't respond. I hurry after him and grab his wrist, but he immediately breaks free.

"Leave me alone!" he says completely pissed.

"Where do you think you are going? We have no idea where we are. You could get lost." I scold him leader-like.

"In what way does that concern you, huh? Just disappear from my sight." he hisses.

"Don't be stupid, Jae!"

"I don't mind being stupid! I just don't want to see you, ok? I just can't! So leave me alone!"

What have I done?

I just watch him as he walks away, but then he suddenly falls down and I hear him gasp in pain.

Instantly I run to him - my feet moving on their own accord.

"What is it? Are you hurt?" I ask him worried but he ignores me and tries to get up, but he sinks to the ground yet another time.

"Stupid stone. Why does it have to be where I want to walk?"

Without his approval I pull him on my back so I can give him a piggy-back-ride. At first he yells at me and hits me but after a short struggle he gives in and lets me carry him back to the car. I let him down on the driver’s seat and put off his right shoe and sock. I have to pull up the pants leg to properly examine the bruise.

It already starts to swell up and turn blue. I touch it cautiously but Jae still winces at it.

"That looks bad. I'll get the first aid kit out of the trunk. Stay here, ok?" I say and unlock the car. While I treat Jae's leg the both of us keep silent, and Jae avoids to look at me forcibly.

"So all done. You shouldn't step on it until we can see a doctor."

"Tsk."

Nothing else was to be expected when we meet. Even though I knew it still hurts more than I thought I would. It really hurts like hell. I deserve it.