http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liq_wYFkMoU

Junsu

During the period of recording everything seemed to go smoothly and all the problems seemed to resolve by themselves bit by bit.

Although I had planned to talk to hyung frequently I felt that pushing him was the wrong way and I was too selfish often; my head full with things that only concern me. Especially Amelie. As time passed by and I got to know her better; I really grew to like her a whole lot. As much as I have doubted to find someone I can like just a tiny bit the way I loved Yoochun, I was put right by time. Of course it's not the same by far - and I guess I won't ever find something that can compare to the feelings for him - but it's the right direction.

It's already at the stage where I plan to make our relationship "official"; meaning telling the agency, family and friends. But the very first to know will be my father, who will be really proud and happy that I found a possible daughter-in-law.

Yoochun and Jae hyung don't seem to like her that much, but I guess they will like her too if they really try to get to know her. At least they behave nice in front of her by now.

Judging Chun for not liking her would be too much of me, but I hope, that someday he will be ok with it.

As for the final showcase, and in consideration of our departure to Korea, what is scheduled for some few days after the concert, I brought her along to spend the time left together. We already talked about her coming with me, but she has to finish her work here and can only travel there in about one month. Until then we promised to write emails and call as often as possible.

"Hey! What are you talking about?" I say as I sit down next to Amelie who was talking to Chunnie just now.

He looks pissed. Did something happen between them?

"Nothing." he says a bit sour but immediately changes the topic by asking where Jae hyung is.

"He was talking to a fan. She gave him a gift."

"A fan? How did she come in here?" he asks a bit surprised.

"Hm..." I shrug my shoulders and take the bottle Chun was holding just now in his hand away and sip on it.

"Hey! You thief. Give that back!"

I try to run away but Chun is faster and grabs my hand, pulling me back that we drip and fall over. I lie on top of him, trying to get up, but Chun pulls me into an iron embrace. The bottle slips out of my grip and rolls over the floor. Now it is obvious that the bottle isn't the main point of our playful fight anymore. Chun flips us over and is on top of me now. I lie on my back, Chun bent over me on all fours, looking into my eyes while he chuckles.

I feel my heart beating and I suddenly feel hot, as my body remembers where this kind of thing ended in more intimate situations.

I can't move as I look him into his deep eyes, completely absorbed, and not noticing that many people were watching us.

"Uuuuuh. What is going on here?" one of the staff members yells teasingly and pulls me back into reality.

Yoochun jumps up and leaves me lying there. I get up and rush to the restrooms. There I wash my face with cold water to cool down.

Oh. My. God. Oh my... . How come my body still responds like this? I am still too affected by him. Hopefully no one noticed.

Of course they noticed. Even the stupidest amongst them must have gotten that there is something between us.

I thought I have finally managed to overcome this.

I am panting, my heart is racing; I lean against the wall to support my body.

The last thing I thought about that night was, what Amelie would think of that. I shoved that thought aside and tried to act normal again; stupidly ‘trying’ is not equal to ‘manage’.

The few days before our departure to Korea I wasn't able to spend time with Amelie alone. I felt too awkward. As we say good bye before leaving for the airport - we thought doing that at the airport would attract too much attention - we promise to call once more before I get into the car.

Some fans await us at the airport, so we sign some stuff and check in. I feel kind of happy to know that we are on our way home. I really missed home, even though I really enjoyed the time we spent in the U.S.

On the plane we get seats in the very front next to the window, so we could stretch out our legs and enjoy a bit of privacy.

After a few hours it gets dark and most of the passengers are sound asleep. But I can't fall asleep.

"You can't fall asleep either?" Jae hyung whispers and makes me jump a bit.

"Don't scare me like that. I thought you were asleep.”

He grins at me with an innocent look on his face that I guess, was telling me that it wasn't his fault that I made this assumption.

"Hm... no I can't sleep."

We keep silent for a bit until I recall one thing I had forgotten about for too long already.

"Why don't we continue with our deal?"

"What? Here? People will hear." he whispers back.

"No. The row behind us is empty and the other people are asleep including Yoochun."

"I don't know..."

"Come on. Don't be such a chicken."

"Shush. At least whisper, ok?" he scolds me.

"Ok then you answer my question and then I will continue."

"How about I ask a question as well?"

"Um... I... ok. But I won't answer if I don't want to."

We agree in silence and I try to find the right words for my question.

"So. What is the reason for you to be unconfident about yours and hyung’s relationship?"

Now he puts on this troubled, sad look again. I feel so helpless when I see you suffer like this.

"Um... It's because... I am not confident about myself."

"In what way?" I ask lowly.

"I think that I lack in too many ways as to deserve someone like him. He is way better looking than me, and he is so nice and has a good heart. I am desperately trying to look good, but I never feel that all my efforts really pay off. I am so weak and feel that I am a burden to him. I am not worth it..."

I already know that your selfconfidence is only an act, but I didn't think that you think so lowly of yourself.

"Now it's your turn." I say, feeling that he can't continue anymore.

"I forgot the question I wanted to ask. Just continue the way you want to."

"Ok. Where did I stop? Ah! After we knew about our feelings we didn't really know how to continue. Neither of us had thought that far..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JG6ehhGVRGQ

Yoosu's story II

One week passed since Yoochun and I confessed our feeling for each other. I still feel my heart flutter whenever I think about it. We didn't really have a chance to talk about it because we were too busy to meet up meanwhile.

I open the door to my apartment and let Chun in.

"Hey Su." he says with a crocked smile on his lips; the one that I love so much.

"Hi. Come in." I answer nervously because the situation is still too new for me; I just have no idea how to behave or what to do.

He heads to the living room and takes a seat on the sofa. I, way too nervous, sit on a chair that is as far away from him as possible.

He frowns at me and pats on the sofa next to him.

Suddenly one story I read about us pops up in my mind. One of those fan fictions in which Chunnie and me are a couple and do really, really erted things.

Imagining him doing those things to me for real make me chicken out; at least on the inside.

What if he really wants to do those things? I won't say that I didn't imagine it before, but now that it’s possible I am nervous. I don't know... I haven't even kissed a guy before Yoochun. What do I do?

I blush not sure what to do. Finally I get up and head in his direction but instead of sitting next to him I try to sit down on the sofa opposite. Chun leaves me no choice as he takes my hand and pulls me over to him, so I sit close to him what enables me to see every tiny detail of his face. Looking at his lips a picture of us kissing passionately pops up in my mind; continuing with...

Stop it! Stop thinking about this. You are so erted Kim Junsu.

I am completely stiff now.

He eyes me in amusement at my obvious cluelessness.

"Come on Su. I won't bite you." he says in a soft voice.

"I... It's just too strange and unreal..." I respond, my voice completely weak. Chun chuckles softly and pulls me closer to hug me.

"Just relax. Just imagine I am your girlfriend."

"How can I when I feel you so near me?" I say nervous, but a bit more relaxed.

"Why do you think you are always the male and I am the female in the fan fictions?" I say.

He bursts out in laughter.

"Why do you bring that up now?"

"It's just... when I think about us doing what is written in those stories..."

"Ah! So, that's why you feel so nervous?"

I nod weakly.

He takes my hand and entwines his finger with mine.

"I won't eat you up. Not now at least. I didn't do something like this before either, so let's take it slow." he says in a low voice, not looking away from my eyes.

I just nod again; my body starting to move on its own. Chun immediately gets what I am about to do and acts according to my movements. We close the distance between us and kiss shyly at first, then bit by bit the wall breaks and we kiss for real for the very first time. We break apart to breathe, looking each other in the eyes. Chun smiles at me and whispers something I don't catch.

"What?"

"I said I thought you were a better kisser." he grins at me.

"What?" I say upset. "If you don't like it then just leave me alone."

"Hey I was just kidding." he chuckles and pulls me closer once more, kissing me forcibly as I try to break it. But after some seconds I don't resist anymore and give in to him.

"At that time he said something I won't ever forget.

'I love you, Kim Junsu.'

That was the first time he said it to me like that. Not like the other time as he said it in a matter of fact way, but really telling me that he loves me. That day I fully realized that he did love me."

I finished like that, trying to pull myself together. Since the other time at the party, talking about the past like this became even harder for me. My heart suddenly weighs way too much making it hard to breath.

I guess we are even now, hyung. Neither for you nor I it's easy to talk about those things.