Jaejoong

 

 

"Please fasten your seatbelts. We are about to take off. Please leave the seatbelt fastened until the light signal is turned off. Thank you for your cooperation. In the name of the crew I wish you a pleasant flight." the voice of the head stewardess echoes through the plane's speakers. I pull the woolen hat that I wear deeper down and the glasses back into place. This disguise might be one of the lamest out of my various options, but today I wasn't really in the mood to figure out a better one that actually fit with my outfit. Since yesterday I didn't really feel like anything at all. The best I felt was numb. That might even be the best option out of those that were possible for me after what had happened just a few hours ago.

All this time since Yunho's and my reunion I tried to think rational and convince myself that it would be just fair to tell him about... yeah. About that.

But now that I actually told him I wish I hadn't. Now I know that I just shoved aside what I really wanted to do about this. And that is that I treat it as a bad nightmare and just forget about it. Now I am so afraid of the possible consequences. If Yunho had slept with someone else, would I be able to forgive him? I mean the circumstances were kinda special. Technically we weren't a couple, but still. It isn't just about the two of us. It also concerns our brothers, whose relationship got even more complicated because of my actions. I made all our relationships complicated, just because I felt too lonely. It should have been my duty as the oldest to protect them. And I should have protected my feelings for Yunho. It wasn't right of me to give up. Was it?

 

The flight goes by in the blink of an eye since my mind kept wandering into depths and up to the surface again and again. But in the end, I still feel nothing. I am empty. Even the thought that this might be the end of me and Yunho doesn't make me fall into despair, what I feel is the strangest out of this all.

Maybe this is my mind's way of showing kindness towards my heart, since it knows that otherwise it would break apart.

 

"Please move! Move!" the security shouts at the crowd that awaited me at the airport. I am shoved and pushed by the mass of people around me. I can feel hands cropping all over my body. One girl tries to touch my hair, but before she can reach my one of the security guys pushes her hand away. Then I notice something that catches my eye. The girl and many other people in the crowd wear yellow bracelets, but as I am not in a situation where I could worry about things like that I decide to focus on squeezing myself through the openings in the mass of people that the airport security makes for me. Finally I reach the car and hurry inside the vehicle. Even though I didn't even take a seat yet the door closes behind me. That second hands press against the window but the next moment the car drives off and we escape the deafening noise.

I let myself sink onto the soft backseat and pull off the woolen hat in the same motion. I close my eyes and a deep sigh of relieve escapes me.

"You alright, Jaejoong?" the manager asks me who is sitting shotgun so he looks at me through the rearview mirror with a sympathetic smile on his lips.

"Mhm. I'm as fine as I could be. "I say and take my neck pillow out of my backpack. With my head supported well I lean my head against the window and make myself comfortable the way I have already done since years now.

During the drive I get an update about my schedule for the next few days. At the hotel I am let inside through the VIP entrance. I am glad. Because even from the garage I can hear the voices of numerous of people.

I am exhausted in body and mind, so I don't really feel like facing too many people right again. I ask to be brought straight to my room so I can rest, or rather just be alone. I prefer to feel lonely when I am actually alone. Feeling lonely when being surrounded by people seems too dreadful right now.

As I enter my room my luggage obviously has already been brought up for me, since it is piled up next to the closet.

I give the door a light push and listen to the lock clicking shut.

The air-condition makes a soft sound and I lie down on my bed. I wrap the blanket around my body like a caterpillar cocoons itself. It makes me feel a little less lonely at times, like right now. I hold the blanket tightly in my fists that are pressed against my chest. The steady heartbeat I can feel slowly calms me down enough for me to fall asleep.

 

The hotel-telephone ‘s ringing wakes me up and I pick up the receiver to shut it up. I grunt and slowly sit up.

“Jaejoong, you have to get up. We need to leave for the shooting of “tonight show” soon.” My Manager says loudly to make sure I am awake. I blink my eyes open, but immediately squeeze them shut again, since the sunlight that is shining through the slit in the curtains stings my eyes.

“What time is it?” I ask him with a sleepy voice.

“It’s six. We need to leave in thirty minutes.” He says, obviously a bit stressed out.

“Alright. I’ll be ready on time.” I say put down the receiver and crawl out of my bed. I disappear in the bathroom and wash up, tame my messy sleepy hair and put on clothes and accessories.

I turn to the make-up table and put on some lotion and put in my circle lenses. Since I found this incredible accessory I don’t like to walk outside without them.

After I finish up I grab my bag and head downstairs to the car where the team is waiting at the car.

“Alright. We can leave now. We are perfectly on time.” He says cheerfully and takes the seat in the front again as usual.

There again, I notice the driver wearing a yellow bracelet.

“Excuse me.” I say and he looks at me through the rearview mirror.

“Why are all people wearing these bracelets?” I ask him.

“Oh, this. It’s actually a sign of our nation’s unity, but for now it’s a sign that we pray for our king’s quick recovery.”

“I see. So the king fell sick?” I ask again.

“Can I somehow pay my respects, too?”

“Oh erm… I am not so sure.“ he says.

“I could check it out for you, Jaejoong.” Manager-nim says.

“Yes please. That would be great.” I say and lean back. Again looking out of the window.

 

“Jaejoong, please hold your head straight. I will just apply a bit of makeup.” The make-up artist says to me.

“Do you have everything prepared?” Manager-nim asks, checking if everything I need is there.

“Alright. Minjung went to the restroom for a second and… oh yes. Do you have your pink bracelet with you?”

“Yes. It is in my bag over there.” I point at the bag in the corner of the room.

“Alright. I will get it for you. Better put in on now before we forget it. We want to leave a good impression, don’t we?” He says and searches through the side pocket of my bag.

He hands me the bracelet and I put it on after the lady is done with my make-up.

“Are you ready? We want to start shooting now.” A crew member of “Tonight show” asks when sticking her head in the waiting room.

“Yes. He is ready.” The interpreter tells her that we hired for some stuff while we are here, so we would have a bit of an easier time working here.

“We should get going.” She tells me and I head off to the stage entrance.

 

“He says that you are really shy. Really shy, very shy. And if you will be able to have a girlfriend if you’re that shy.” The interpreter tries to overtone the screaming of the crowd.

Suddenly I spot a sign held up by some fans.

“Yunjae is real.” It says.

My heart drops at this sight in a matter of seconds.

I am not even sure myself if it was real. So how can they be so sure of this? Why could I not have been as sure of it as them? Then all this would have never happened would it?

I try to compose my facial expression to not show too much of what is going on inside of me at this very moment. Because if I let myself indulge in these I would just start to cry right on the spot I guess.

“I really would like to have a girlfriend, but I am the least popular out of the members.” I say, my voice sounding like it is miles away.

I don’t need to be popular with anyone. I just want to be loved by one person.

Yunho…

 

Yoochun POV

 

A ticklish feeling in the back of my neck slowly pulls me out of the state of sleep and back to reality. As I collect my senses I feel something warm and soft around my waist I open my eyes slowly and shift a little so I can get a glimpse of Junsu who is lying behind me, embracing me from behind; still sleeping peacefully.

I smile at his sleeping face.  I think it’s one of the cutest expressions he has. I especially love it since it is the one thing that I will be able to see and he will never. It feels like I know something about him that not even he does. Whenever I recall this I feel even closer to him than usual.

I turn around cautiously so I would not wake him up. I look at his features more closely and brush a strand of hair out of his face that seems to tickle him.

He wrinkles his nose at my touch. Su moves slightly and then his eyes open a little bit and he looks at me from under his lashes.

“mmm.” He grunts and stretches.

“Good morning sleepy head.” I whisper at him and give him a smile.

“Good morning.”

We look at each other for some moments until I can’t hold myself back anymore take his hand and intertwine our fingers.  I look at our hands that seem to fit so perfectly.

“What are you thinking about?” he suddenly asks me.

I look at him thinking.

“Actually I am thinking about nothing. I just feel happy, and relieved. That I can have you by my side like this again.” I say in a low, soft voice kissing his hand that is resting in mine.

“Me too.” He says and lifts my head with his free hand under my chin. He comes closer like in slow motion and gives me a soft kiss on the lips.

To be honest, I didn’t believe that I would be able to allow myself to be kissed like this by him again. I don’t even know the exact reason myself, but I think him admitting his true feelings helped me overcome this. It might sound strange and completely ridiculous, but that’s how it is. I don’t even fully understand why myself, but to be honest, I couldn’t care less. As long as we overcame this, I don’t care about the reason at all.

“What?” he asks again since I look at him so intensely. He’s laughing out of insecurity like he does so often.

“Nothing. You are just beautiful.”

He pushes my shoulder playfully.

“Don’t make fun of me. That’s mean.”

“I’m not making fun of you. You are beautiful.”

He looks me in the eyes intensely for a few seconds as he tries to figure out if I am being serious or not.

“You look way better than me.” He finally says choosing the secure way.

“I know, but how could I love myself?”

“Why do you always have to be nice the one second and suddenly turn evil the next? I will never understand this.” He whines.

“What? I’m not being mean. I’m just being honest.” I and we start a playful fight. After some minutes we roll onto our backs and look at the ceiling breathing hard.

“Hey, Su.” I say in between heavy breaths.

“What is it?”

“I love you.”

 

 

Junsu POV

 

My nose tickles as if I am about to sneeze, but then the ticklish feeling goes away. I shift and open my eyes a little. The first thing I see as my vision clears is Yoochun, who is smiling at me. 

“Good morning sleepy head.” He says in a seductive voice. He always denies that he tries to be seductive, but no matter if he tries or not, it is seductive after all. At least for me.

“Good morning.” I say and look into his eyes that always glisten. I really don’t know how he does that but it really makes his eyes look even more beautiful, than they already are.

Chun takes my hand in his and carefully intertwines our fingers and then looks at them seemingly lost in thought.

What would he be thinking about right now? Even though I know you since such a long time it is still hard for me to make out what you are thinking about. You are too complex for me.

But I love it.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask him my curiosity winning me over once again.

“Actually I am thinking about nothing. I just feel happy, and relieved. That I can have you by my side like this again.” He says his eyes a bit moist. He kisses my hand that is resting in his big hand. I feel a smile curling up my lips as I feel his soft lips on my skin.

“Me too.”

With my hand at his chin I lift his head slowly so I can properly look at him. I close the distance between us and kiss him softly on the lips.

How much I missed this feeling for the past time. How I have missed having him so close by my side that I can feel his body heat on my skin.

It really is true that one only learns how to appreciate things one has when they are gone, but in my case I was lucky enough to have back what I had lost.

I will never take this for granted again. I will try my best to treasure us.

I still don’t fully understand why Yoochun was able to overcome this because I told him that I had been hurt and mad at him. I didn’t tell him those things in the first place since I wanted to prevent hurting him more that he already was.

I saw how guilt ate him up, how could I have just told him those words? I was afraid that this would be the last blow to our relationship.

But in the end it were those words, that saved it and I am glad I took that risk. Even though it was without thinking I have to admit…

While I am following this train of thought Yoochun looks at me so intently without wavering that I feel self-conscious.

“What?”  I say laughing slightly to hide that I feel a bit uncomfortable when he looks at me like this. I am always afraid that he will notice all the flaws in my face.

“Nothing. You are just beautiful.”

I push his shoulder out of cluelessness what to respond to this sudden statement of his.

“Don’t make fun of me. That’s mean.” I whine at him, feeling embarrassed.

“I’m not making fun of you. You are beautiful.”

What the…? Is he being serious now or is he making fun of me again? Argh, I just can’t figure you out.

“You look way better than me.” I finally say trying to change the direction this conversation is headed to.

“I know, but how could I be in a relationship with myself?”

“Why do you always have to be nice and then the next second turn evil? I will never understand this.”

“What? I’m not being mean. I’m just being honest.”

Whoa! What? Now you deserve yourself a punishment, my friend.

I roll on top of him and start tickling him.

“Ah, so you’re being honest? Maybe you should just find someone who matches your standards.” I say laughing.

He winds underneath me from tickling him so hard, until he flips me over and gives me a turn on being the victim.

“Uwaaah! Stop! Stop! Please.” I plead laughing so much that tears start to roll down.

We keep up this game until we both are out of breath and lie on the bed heading the ceiling.

“Hey Su.”

“What is it?” I say swallowing hard since my mouth is so dry.

“I love you.”

I turn my head to look at him at him in surprise but then I smile at him widely.

I roll over onto my belly and lean over to kiss him on the lips.

With our noses touching I look him in the eyes.

“I love you too.” I whisper and kiss the tip of his nose.

 

I grab my boxers that are lying on the floor and pull them on. Then I get up and pick up the rest of my clothes.

“Do you want to shower as well?” Yoochun asks me who is still lying in bed.

“No. Not necessary. I am going to be covered in sweat anyways, since we have to practice.” I say and pull up one leg of my pants.

“I will take a quick shower.”

“Ok then I will wait for you in the kitchen. Should I prepare something for breakfast?”

“No. Maybe it’s better if you leave now?”

“Ah… oh. Ok. If you want me to leave…”

“No don’t misunderstand. I am not kicking you out.”

“You are not? Cause it awfully sounded like that to me.” I say and turn my back at him.

“I didn’t mean it like this. It’s just there was a suspicious looking car following me around for some time now. I am just worried.”

I look at him from the corner of my eye, still feeling a bit offended.

“Seriously.” Yoochun says and heads over to me.

He takes my face in both his hands and plants a kiss on my lips.

“Please don’t get me wrong.”

And as always, I give in to this gorgeous smile.

“Alright, alright.  I believe you.” I say getting up from the bed.

“Then I’ll see you at rehearsals.”

“Yes.”

“Uhm, bye.” I go to the door but instead of leaving I stop in my tracks and turn to look at him.

“Bye.” He says an amused look on his face.

“Should I get something to eat for you on my way there? Coffee and Kimbab?”

Instead of answering he comes over to me and kisses me deeply.

“Coffee would be nice.” He says and lightly smacks my .

“So off you go now. I won’t take long. Fifteen minutes.”

“Ok. Fifteen minutes then.” I say a bit dejected.

Reluctantly I leave after a last glance at him as if I had to fear that he would just vaporize the second I turn my back on him.

 

 

Yoochun

 

After Junsu left I take a quick shower, but it is quicker than I would have thought. With foam still covering my body I hear my phone vibrating on the sink. I stumble out of the shower and dry my hands clumsily so I can pick up.

I check the caller ID and see that it’s my manager. Surprised I answer the phone.

“Yoochun. Can you come over to the office now?” he says. I can tell from his voice that he is a bit worried what makes me jump to wild conclusions.

“Did something happen to Jaejoong?” I ask him, my heart taking up speed.

“No, no. Everything’s fine with him. I think it’s better if you come over so I can talk to you in person. Can you squeeze that in?”

“Uhm, yes. I will be there in half an hour.”

“Alright. See you then.”

He hangs up and I can feel uneasiness building up in my chest.

What might that be for him to call me over to the office and not talking about it on the phone?

I finish my shower and hurry over to the office where the manger already waits for me impatiently.

“Yoochun. You’re here. Come. Come with me.” He says and leads me inside.

“Please sit.” He points at a chair in front of his desk. He himself takes a seat behind the desk.

“So what is it?” I ask him trying to sound composed.

“It’s kind of… Someone sent us an envelope with photos in it.”

He takes out an envelope of a drawer of his desk and places it in front of me on the desk.

“Maybe you can explain this.”

I take it, open it and pull out a pile of photos.

There is a picture of me lying on bed with the blanket just up to my hips and my torso undressed. And another one. One where I am changing. I flip them through and look at the man opposite of me in shock.

“What the heck is this?”

“This is a blackmailing attempt. This note came with it.”

 

If you don’t want me to give those pictures to the media then give me some pocket money in return.

xox

 

“I don’t want to interfere with your personal life, Yoochun. We know that you like to prove yourself that you have this effect on women, but you should be a bit more careful about who you take to your hotel room.”

“I am,…. What? I don’t take women to my hotel rooms.”

I don’t bring women to my rooms. I am a man in love and in a relationship. And by the way, I’m gay. Or should I rather call it Junsu-ual?

“There is nothing to be shy about. We all knew it even before you joined Cjes, but that isn’t the topic here. What I am trying to say is…”

I laugh slightly, but then the reason for me sitting here comes back to mind with full force.

“No. There has to be some misunderstanding. I mean. I didn’t bring a woman home or to a hotel room since ages. There is no way someone could have taken those pictures.”

“Obviously there is. Otherwise how do you explain these photos of yours?”

“I really have no explanation. Honestly.”

“I will take care of it and inform a lawyer, but please tame yourself a little in future. I do understand that you have needs, but still.”

“I told you that I didn’t…”

“Ok, if you say so.” He says with a knowing smile on his lips and winks at me.

I just roll my eyes and massage my temples.

“So if there is anything you need me for, give me a call.”

“I will. I will call the lawyer now. I will give him your contacts so you can set an appointment. Oh, and don’t be ashamed. It’s a natural thing for a men to feel that need.” He tried to cheer me up. Instead of trying to put it right again, I just get up and say a quick good bye.

I look at my wrist watch and see that I took quite some time now so I hurry to my car and drive to the rehearsing location.

 

The second I turn off the engine I unbuckle my seatbelt storm out and enter the building.

I open the door to the dance studio and scan the room for Su but he isn’t there.

“Have you seen Junsu?” I ask one of our back up dancers.

“Uh, yeah. He went to the bathroom.”

“Thanks.”

Without another thought I head to the men’s restroom and see him standing in front of the sinks washing his hands.

“Hey Su. I’m sorry. The office called me over and I …”

“I knew it. I should have waited for you. Hum, as your punishment…. Your coffee turned all cold by now.” He says sticking out his tongue.

“Come on. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my fault.”

That moment my phone rings.

I check the ID but I don’t know this number.

Oh, I guess that’s the lawyer. That went quick.

“Hello?”

“Hello Chunnie.” A female voice with an accent sounds from the phone.

“Erm… and who might you be?”

“Who’s this?” Junsu asks me in a hushed voice.

I shrug my shoulders and listen to what the person on the other line is saying.

“Wah. You don’t remember me? ‘ow could you forget me so easily?”

“What? If I knew you I would definitely have your number in my ID list but I don’t so, I’m hanging up.”

“NO!” she shouts.

“It’s me. Amelie.”

“What? Who? I don’t know anyone by that name.” I say and am about to hang up again as she yells.

“YAH! How could you forget? You are really the worst. Now I feel even less bad for blackmailing you with these photos.”

“Wait… What photos? That was you? How could you get these?” I ask her with an icy, tense voice.

“I got them from Junsu’s phone.”

Amelie. Junsu.

Now everything seems to fall in place.

“You! Now I remember. The French blonde… “

“Yes, exactly, mon cher.” She says all satisfied but I only hear her faintly since I am now lost in thought.

“…with those enormous s. s with feet…Oh my god that looks so stupid.” I mumble absentmindedly a chuckle.

“I… what? s with feet? Keep insulting me and you will see what you’ll get out of it.” she says all angry now.

Junsu tucks on my shirt so I would bend down a bit that he can reach up to my ear with his to listen what was being said.

Her high pitched, annoying voice pulls me out of my thoughts and reminds me of what the actual topic was, so I compose myself. I clear my throat before I continue speaking.

“Why did you send these pictures?”

“You know at first I didn’t want to resort to these methods but the reporter I had set up on you and Junsu didn’t want to watch you any longer cause there was nothing to prove your relationship. Seems like you two broke up.” she says in a y tone.

“What? That was you behind it? Oh my... You get on my nerves. I don’t want to talk to a low life like you. I’m hanging up. And you will hear from my lawyer.” I snap and hang up on her.

“What was that about?” Junsu asks me still not getting the situation.

“Nothing. It’s ok. Just a normal crazy fan, that’s all.” I say attempting to keep him out of all that stuff.

 I wrap my arm around his shoulders and lead him out of the washing room.

“But say Su. Did you secretly take pictures of me?” I have a playful tone covering the irritation in my voice so he wouldn’t notice that something is off.

Shocked he stops at the spot and looks as at me as if he just saw a ghost.

“How do you know?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice some day?” I laugh.

“I am.. I mean…” he stammers.

“It’s ok. I can understand you. Who wouldn’t want pictures of this perfect piece of art that I am?”

Junsu turns all red and turns his face to the other direction to hide his blushed cheeks from me.

“Come on. Let’s go and prepare to rock this tour.” I say and we go off to the studio.

---

 

Hello guys ^^

I am so sorry for not updating in such a long time. I had exams and was a bit stressed out  >.< 

As an apology an extra long chapter. Voila ^^ I hope you enjoy it and forgive me for taking so long.

I love reading your comments so ... ^^ *subtle hint* xDDD 

thanks for reading this and of course being this patient all the time =)

love you ♥