I stared at the huge departure board where all the planes that would leave were written. The plane to Germany would leave in about one hour. It felt weird; I was going to leave everything that I’d grown up with. Everything that was so familiar would be traded to unfamiliarity. And my English weren’t that good to begin with, not to mention German; I couldn’t understand a word of that language.

Yesterday after that I’d parted from Hoya I ran up to my room and cried. I cried throughout the whole night. How much I would miss him. How much I hated myself for not telling him. It had been my absolute last chance to do so. But it was too late now.

“Doram, do you want to get something to eat before the plane leaves?” my father asked me but I only shook my head. I didn’t want food; all I wanted was Hoya to be by my side. But even a fool would understand that it couldn’t be granted. The boy didn’t even know I was leaving so he couldn’t even come to say goodbye. “Doram you haven’t eaten at all today.” my father tried to pursue me into getting something to eat but I was persistent. Nothing was going down my throat. I felt a bit bad when my dad heaved a sigh and told me to guard the hand baggage whilst he got something to eat.

I didn’t say anything, instead I watched him disappear into the crowd. I could literally hear the seconds past on despite the loudness of all the people. How the clock ticked closer towards the departure and my forever leave from Hoya. It’s a wonder how a person can be in so much pain, how irrelevant everything else got. I wanted it to go away. But how can I beg for something to go away when I don’t want to forget him.

My dad soon enough came back; he was holding a huge sub with all kinds of stuff on and then a bottle of coke in the other. I shook my head disapprovingly, as along as he continued to eat all that garbage there was no wonder he didn’t lose any weight. “You really need to stop with eating that kind of stuff.” I pointed out to him and he inched the sub away from me, like he was afraid that I would snatch it away.

“I know, but it’s so good.” He said before taking a bit and I rolled my eyes. I stared at my father eating; once in a while I would take a quick glance at the clock only see that it was nearing. Fear and pain hit me in the chest when the speakers sounded, telling everyone that was flying to Germany that the gates were open and that it was time to check in. Anxiously I began to hyperventilate. It felt like reality finally had hit me for real.

Of course my dad would make a big hassle out of it all as he hurried over to buy something to drink. Breathing was getting hard and it did most definitely not help that images of Hoya flashed before my eyes. My body collapsed down onto the marble floor and I began to cry. Tear after tear rolled down my cheeks.

“Doram, take it easy.” My dad had suddenly reappeared and my head snapped upwards and I stared at him. I couldn’t understand myself right now. Why didn’t I just tell dad about Hoya, maybe he would let me stay if I did? Still, I kept my mouth sealed because I knew I would hurt him if I let him move there without me. After that he’d helped me up on my feet’s again we slowly made our way to the right gate before we boarded the plane.

I stared out through the small window as I thought back on all the memories I’d shared with them. The first time I met them, how mad I was at Hoya for ‘stealing’ my cell phone, and then the kiss, the one that lured me in. After that day, my life had been a constant rollercoaster ride. It was pretty insane, or beautiful, or what the hell you would call it, that one person could be your whole world.

A thought me, I had actually kissed three of them, plus Sungjong but that was only on the cheek so that really didn’t count. Well, I wouldn’t call all of them ‘real’ kisses since some of them were stolen. But the most remarkable had to be the one a few weeks ago with Hoya. The one that should’ve been the truth or dare kiss.

“What are you thinking so intensely about?” my gaze wandered over to my father who was sitting on my left. “Nothing in particular, just how different everything is going to be.” I tried to hide the disappointment that I was feeling; I didn’t want to make him feel worse than what he probably was for making me move to a completely new country. But some things you simply can’t do anything about.

“I know, I’m sorry dear.” He let his hand rest over mine for support, as if everything was going to be okay. But I knew that it wasn’t. How could it when I couldn’t find myself to forget him. I didn’t want to forget someone who’d made my life worth living, and the boy didn’t even know it. A tear rolled down as the flight attendants started to go through what everyone was supposed to do if the plane crashed. Something I hoped it weren’t going to do.

I felt really uneasy when the plane started to move. In my head all these movies of different situations that would make them stop the plane showed. If I shouted that I was a terrorist, then they would stop it. But then again, I would end up at the police and I can only guess what would happen after that. When the plane left the ground I stared in the direction of Seoul, the city that never slept; the place where I’d grown up. The place I wouldn’t see in so long time, maybe never again.

But I knew that despite that I left; my heart would forever be left with Hoya. And that, no one could change.