I was silently sitting at my desk, Hoya hadn’t arrived yet, nor had Woohyun and Sung Yeol either. Yesterday’s incident was still fresh in mind, how he stormed off like that. I gently laid my head down on the desk, my face in the direction of where Hoya should’ve been seated. My eyes fluttered close as I thought about the kiss with Hoya. How my heart had exploded in fireworks and how every problem just floated away when his lips met mine.

“DORAM.” I let out an irritated groan as I raised my head from the desk and opened my eyes. Woohyun and Sung Yeol had both slammed the classroom door with such force that I could still see how it was shaking. With heavy footstep’s they walked over to my desk before dumping several pieces of papers down. It was the pictures of them kissing. “It was your own fault for telling Hoya.” I stuck my tongue out at them; their faces had fallen into frowns. I guess they actually didn’t believe that I would do it.

There was a boom of laughter’s coming from just outside the classroom and the three of us stared at the people standing there. They were pointing at Woohyun and Sung Yeol as they were laughing. I snickered when the two of them slumped down on their seats. But the happy feeling didn’t last long as the class soon started and Hoya hadn’t showed up.

Everything was just boring; Woohyun and Sung Yeol’s attempts to cheer me up didn’t work. Instead I got irritated and annoyed at them. My mood had dropped to the floor and the only thing I wanted to do was to just disappear somewhere.  

Eight hours later I felt even worse. Woohyun and Sung Yeol had stopped with their jokes a long time ago, not even the embarrassed faces the two of them showed after seeing students point at them while laughing cheered me up. There were times during the day that I wondered why humans were so weird. Since day one had I hated Hoya, but now, even a day without him seemed almost impossible and unbearable. Why the so sudden drastically change?

But it hadn’t been sudden; one and a half month had passed since the first time I met him, and slowly had I grow fonder of him. Then, reality struck me when I remembered that this was just a game, everything was. He didn’t like me, he was playing with me.

Still, if that was the case. Why didn’t my heart rip away the part where he was? A person could live without a small part of one’s heart. But I would die if it did that, because he was in every part of my heart. He had already captured it. I did no longer now about Yonghyun’s place in my heart, if he even still had one. It was truly weird. I’d been together with Yonghyun for two years and I’ve barely known Hoya for two months. Yet the latter one owned my heart.

“NOONA.” I spun around and came face to face with Sungjong. That adorable smile was on his lips when he slid his hand into mine. Tiredly I looked down on our hands as I heaved a sigh. Why did it feel like everything I did had a connection to something Hoya had done? I tore my gaze away from our hands as I let a smile upon my lips, or tried to at least.

“Noona, do you want to come to my house?” Sungjong was pouting, his eyes flashing with fear and that only smeared on the pain I felt in my heart. I gave him a halfhearted nod and he started to pull me along. Apparently his house was in a walking distance from school, only five minutes. The house itself weren’t that bad, well not good either, but still better than the one MyungSoo was living in.

“Is your brother home?” I had absolutely no wish to meet him, but I understood pretty quickly that so was the case when he stepped into the hallway. The was home. No wonder Sungjong seemed so scared. “How cute, Sungjong is taking his girlfriend home.” I knew that he was being sarcastic when he spoke, something that just pissed me off further. I really tried to ignore him when he came up to me and whispered that the two of us could have a lot more fun.

“It seems as if you didn’t get the message last time, I don’t like you. Should I spell it out for you as well.” that playboy smirk vanished completely and was instead replaced by a frown and eyes that were flaming with anger, “noona.” Sungjong’s voice was weak and filled with fear. A low sigh slipped of my lips. His brother would probably hurt him more afterwards the more I was provoking him and that was the last thing I wanted. It was really painful to know that I couldn’t protect him as much as I wanted to. I couldn’t be with him twenty-four hours a day.

“Come to think of it, aren’t you a senior. Why the hell are you hanging around a kid like him?” it was pure luck that my back was facing his brother or else he would’ve spotted my shocked face. Don’t tell me the ‘cover’ is blown. I took a deep breath and put on my poker face before turning around to face him. “As far as I know it’s not a crime to date someone who’s two years younger than you.” with that I turned my back at him as I grabbed Sungjong’s hand. Sungjong may be petite, but by how hard he was squeezing my hand he had to have some muscles, because it truly felt as if he was crushing it.

As we headed down the small hallway I found myself asking where his parents were. I don’t know if he decided to ignore my question or if it was something else, but he didn’t answer it. Though, if it was the first option then maybe it was because he didn’t want to talk about it.

The two of us came to a stop just outside a door before Sungjong pushed it open, revealing a single bed, I noticed that at some parts the stuffing was poking out, just like it had done with the couch at MyungSoo’s place. I let my gaze wander away as I took in everything. The wallpapers were at some places nut off so that you could see what was behind. The floor had huge cracks that squeaked when you walked over them.

This house was precisely like Sungjong himself, pretty and beautiful on the outside but destroyed and damaged inside. It hurt me to see that he was living like this and this is how he’s been living for his whole life. It made me feel awful to know how much money I had spent on useless things that I threw away pretty quickly. And here the boy didn’t even have a descent bed to sleep in.

“Noona, why are you crying?” Sungjong’s voice brought me out off my thoughts as I gently placed my hand against my cheek; a droplet of tear ran down my index finger when it came in contact with the liquid. “Because I feel awful.” I stated as I wiped away the tears that were trickling down my cheeks. I tried to ease the whole situation with a smile. I didn’t want Sungjong to worry more than he already was.  

“Let’s talk about something fun instead.” I slumped down on his bed and urged him to do the same. Something he also did while asking what he was supposed to talk about that could be fun. “Hm, like what you want to be when you’re older.” I smiled upon the thought of what Sungjong might work with in the future. “Noona, that’s not fun, that’s just bothersome.” Sungjong sulked and I kind of agreed with him. Talking about the future weren’t that fun, especially not when it was so unsecure. I didn’t even know about how my father’s company was doing. Was it better or were it going bankrupt?

“What about heading down to the park, we can use the swings?” childish one may think, but for once I found it rather fun to go there. I hadn’t been at a playground for good knows how long, several years at least. It didn’t take too long to convince Sungjong to fallow and soon we were standing there. Kids were playing and running around; smiles present one each and everyone and with laughter booming in the air. This was the perfect place to be cheered up at.

After hours of playing the two of us slumped down on a bench, my heart was pressing against my ribs as I breathed in and out in heavy breaths. Sungjong was doing the same, though he didn’t seem as out of breath as I was. Maybe it was time to start exercising.

It weren’t until now that I noticed that the sun was descending in the distance and it was soon going to be dark. A sigh rolled of my lips at the thought of having to go home. “Noona is it true that you like Hoya hyung?” my cheek’s heated upon hearing that name in that kind of sentence. Had Woohyun and Sung Yeol told him? Don’t they understand that they can’t go around telling everyone?

“Did the two erted hyungs of yours tell you that?” I wondered, not looking at him as my breath was getting steadier, though my heart was still beating frantically. “Noona I may be younger than you but I’m not that stupid.” Sungjong snickered and I rolled my eyes. But that doesn’t mean that Hoya knows.

A painful reminder of what happened yesterday played in my mind and I hastily shook my head, wanting it to go away. This whole ordeal was tearing my heart apart. Maybe it was time to face it. Hoya didn’t want me.