XXVII

YOOCHUN'S POV

“What are you all smiley about?” Jae asked me when he barged into my house like he allways did.

“Oh you know... stuff...” i said with an idiot look on my face.

“Did Junsu talk to you or something?” he tried to guess.

Y- “He huged me.” i said still in a dreamy state.

J- “HE HUGED YOU?” i noded in response. “Where did that happen?”

Y- “At the coffe shopp. You should have seen the look on Changmin's face.”

J- “CHANGMIN WAS THERE?”

Y- “Yap. And a bunch of high-pitched high-school girls. They were so annoying. I just wanted to get out of there with Junsu. But I'll take it slow.” Jae was looking at me with a what the hell expression in his face.

J- “Will you please tell me the whole story?”

JUNSU'S POV

I don't even remember how i got to my house. My body was moving almost automatically. My mind was still caught up in that moment, in that hug.

“That was a bad move Junsu. If you keep huging him you'll never be able to let go of him.” i mumbled to myself. “How the hell did he know all that about me leaving him for his sake? I never told him that because i knew he would argue with me and.... Oh, that big-mouth Hyukjae.” i remembered telling that to Eunhuyk, so he must be the one who told Yoochun.

I jumped to my sofa in hopes of getting some sleep so i could stop thinking of Yoochun and replaying that whispered I love you in my head. I didn't succeed. There were to many thoughts in my head.

My only distraction where the 6 pairs of cat eyes looking at me cutely to earn some treats.

YOOCHUN'S POV

“JAE I JUST REALISED SOMETHING!” I screamed in excitment scaring Jaejoong.

“WHAT.... you freak!” he replyed.

Y- “We should hire Changmin.”

J- “That's it. You've completely gonne crazy. Poor you.” he mocked me.

Y- "I'm serious. How does it go: keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? That way I'll be killing two birds with one stone: I'll be able to keep and eye on Changmin so he doesn't try to get all over my Junsu, and Junsu will be pleased with me for rescuing his wronged friend from the streets of unemployment.”

J- “Being a bit dramatic, aren´t we?”

Y- “He's gay? So what? Everyone knows you and I are gay, adding one more to the company won't be much of a difference. Oh God the magazines will say I hired him because I'm dating him, wont they? Doesn't matter. The boys say there isn't such thing as bad publicity. And Junsu will be happy. Yes, let's call him.”

J- “Ok now, breath and calm down. You look like a kid in a sugar rush. Are you sure you want to do that? Won't you guys fight all the time?”

Y- “I'll behave.”

J- “Are you sure?”

Y- “If I don't I'll let you kick me twice, dress me for 2 weeks and I'll go with you to the next 3 sister's weddings or stuff like that.”

J- “Deal. Let's call him.”

And like that the decision was made.

JUNSU'S POV

“2:30 am?? Great, tomorrow I'll look like a zumbie.” I grumbled to myself when I looked to the clock for the hundreth time. I the TV to distract myself and skip through the channels. Didn't work, my mind would allways find a way to relate everything to Yoochun.

“Aishh, I'm gonna regret this.” I said to Leo as I dressed some sweatpants and a coat over my tank-top. I drove like a mad man, knowing the way to well. But when i arrived i didn't had the guts to ring the doorbell.

Instead I dialed the number on my phone, half of me wanting him to answer and the other part wanting to get in the car and drive away. After two rings he answered:

“Hmm?” he mumbled. I had obviously waken him up.

“Hmm, Yoochun-shi...” I said, feeling strange with the cold treatment.

“Junsu?” he said, now with a totally awaken voice. “Junsu is that you? I don't know this number.”

“De. Yeah, It's new.” What a great conversation, might as well talk about the weather. I scolded myself mentally.

Y- “I see. So...”

J- “So?”

Y- “Did you wanted to tell me something?”

J- “Hmm, that. Oh... well... not really... it's just that... I'm actually in front of your building and...”

Y- “You're here?” he squeeled and i could hear doors being shut and Harang barking excited to come outside. In less than a minute the amazingly big and lazy dog was running to me. It was good to know that he hadn't forgot me. A bit after him was Yoochun just wearing a pair of sweatpants and still holding his phone next to his ear. “Hi.” he said with a huge smile, but a bit out of breath, when he caught up to the dog.

J- “Hi.”

Y- “This is... unexpected.”

J- “I know”.

Y- “BUT GOOD. Unexpected but good.” he hurridly correct what he meant and I couldn't help but smile. He had that effect on me.

J- “Maybe we should stop talking trough the phone. I mean you're right here...”

Y- “Oh, you're right. Ahahah.” he let out a silly laugh making me laugh too. Was him that happy to see me?

J- “And maybe you should.... hmmm... change.”

Y- “Oh.” he blushed when he noticed he was not wearing a shirt. “I was in a hurry.” he explained with a childish smile. “Let's go up so I can dress something.”

J- “I don't know if that's....”

Y- “Oh come on. I won't eat you I promise.” he said with a wink as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me and the dog to the building.

Being back to his house was... weird. I felt like I was breaking some sort of rule by being there. I was the one forcing us to be apart and now, out of nowehere, I showed up... But I really wanted to be there.

“All dressed up now.” Yoochun annouced when he came back to the living room. “Do you want to drink something? Or eat?”

“No thanks. Actually I think it would be better if we go drink a cup of coffe at the store downstairs and...”

“Aish, will you stop that? Stop trying to run away from here. You were the one who came here in the first place.” outch that was direct. “It's like... you're afraid of me or something.”

“No, not at all. That's not it. It's just...”

“Then stop being silly. You're overthinkingg stuff. It's not the first time you've been to my apartment and I hope it won't be the last. I promise I won't... hmm... do anything a friend wouldn't do?? Well, that sounded strange, but yeah. Just seat.” he said in a firme tone and pushed me to sit on the couch. Harang quickly layed his head on my lap asking for attention while Yoochun went to prepar some drinks.

Like friends. Just like friends... I mumbled to myself.

YOOCHUN'S POV

I was in the mood for something hot so I started preparing a hot-chocolate for both of us. It was a good thing that I had my back Junsu while cooking or I wouldn't be able to hide the ear-to-ear smile on my face or the blush on my cheecks. Though I was trying to be cool and act like it wasn't a big thing, the fact that Junsu took the iniciative to come to me after so many weeks of only talking to him when he served my drink was making my heart race like crazy and I had to control myself to not start jumping from happyness.

I heard him turn on the TV and heard the soft snore Harang did when he was cozy and being petted. My smile became even bigger.

Maybe we could be like this...friends, until I could make him realise that there were no reasons for us to be apart, until I could make him see how much I love him and that I would never ever again give him a reason to think his not worthy of me or that I don't trust him. Everyday I'll show him how important he is.

But one thing was certain: even if I had to be the friend for weeks or even months, I hadn't lost Junsu.

“Junsu-ah do you wan't to eat something with the hot chocolate? I have cookies and...” my sentence was cut when I felt his arms wrap around me in a tight back hug. “Su.” I called him softly as i took his hands in mine.

He didn't say anything or move for a long time until I broke the hug to turn to him and found silent tears rolling down he's cheeks. My heart clenched at that sight. 

“You're so silly.” I mumbled and tried to prevent my voice from cracking. I cleaned the tears from his face. Just to touch him send shivers ttough my body. But I didn't really knew what to do to comfort Junsu and the sight of him right in front of me with his head hanging low and his arms motionless on the side of his body was making me anxious.

I came closer and softly tug on his chin, pulling his head up and making him look at me. His eyes were still filled with water and his face wet.

“Why are you like this? Do you know how much it hurts me to see you cry?”

He didn't answer or move as I came closer, looking him in the eyes, and softly place my lips on his.

At first he didn't respond, he was... fearfull, maybe?

But then I felt him tugging on my shirt and pulling me closer and that alone made me lose control.

I grabbed him by the waste, my other hand entangled in his hair, and deepened the kiss, releasing all the need, all the craving that had build in me in the past long weeks.

His arms were around my neck, not letting me get away. His hands tugging on my hair only pulling me away when he needed to gain some air.

We wondered across the kitchen, entangled in eachother, knocking down everything as we passed and not caring, until his back hit the wall and he was trapped between me and it, and totally at my will.

I started trailing the way from his lips to his jaw and down his neck, tasting his skin, feelling his touch, remembering his smell... He didn't even fight when I started destroying his tank top to keep kissing his chest, every inch of him.

His accelerated breathing, the ocasional soft moan were driving me insane. He lifted himself against the wall and wraped his legs around my waste. He pulled my hair roughly claiming my lips again.

I let out a loud moan, eager to feel him. I carried him to the sofa while he on my neck, almost making me lose my mind and not being able to concentrate.

The minute I layed him on the couch he pulled my shirt and tossed it away. I ended ripping the half ripped tank top he was wearing and just stood there for a minute, looking at him, at how flawless, how perfect he was and not believing my luck.

He smiled softly, a smile I hadn't seen in ages, or so it seemed, and with that I felt my heart eould explode of the overwhelming feellings going trough me.

Junsu sat a bit up so he could reach my lips and kiss me. We slowed down the pace and enjoyed the feeling of him touching me, how it felt to touch him.

I trailed a path of kisses from his belly to his jaw and whispered next to his ear:

“How I missed you Su-ah.”

JUNSU'S POV

Those words awoken me from that pleasure driven state. What was I doing? How could I be doing that when i was decided to be out of his life? I wanted it, I really wanted it, but I couldn't.

“I love you Kim Junsu.” he said in a soft mellow voice, right next to my ear. I could feel his hot breath against my skin, and his cheek slightly rubbing against mine. In reality all i wanted to do was answer him the same, that I loved him and that every minute apart of him was torture.

But what if everything would happen again? What if I somehow ended up hurting him as badly as I've already done? I couldn't risk doing that.

YOOCHUN'S POV

I felt him tense up as soon as I said those words but I couldn't understand why? Was he really that determined to stay away? There was no logic in that. He was afraid that he would hurt me but I knew that wouldn't happen and even if I didn´t I was willing to take the risk. Couldn´t him understand that?

He sat up and got a bit further away from me.

“I think I should go...!” he said in a uneasy voice.

“You can't be serious!” I was getting angry at him, at how the whole moment was lost and at how he kept rejecting my feelings fpr him.

“Maybe it wasn´t very wise to come here...” he started. I lost all reason and started screaming at him:

Y- “AND YOU SAY THAT KNOW? AFTER I CARRIED YOU AROUND MY HOUSE WITH MY LIPS ON YOUR NECK? AFTER YOUR SHIRT WAS TOTALLY DESTROYED?? AFTER I TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU? EXPLAIN ME EXACTLY WHEN DID YOU GOT THE FEELING THAT IT WAS WRONG FOR YOU TO BE HERE WITH ME??? CAUSE I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG IN THAT.”

I was afraid I was gonna scare him away even more, yes. But I was so frustrated. I was frustrated that I couldn't make that stubborn guy see that his sacrifice of staying away from me for my own sake was pure stupidity. It was clear that he wanted to be with me too.

J- “I'm gonna go home...” he said in a low voice after staring at me having a tantrum without saying a word.

Y- “Can't you just realize that if we wan't to be with eachother there is no reason for not being toghether?” I said in the same low voice and left myself fall in the couch again, feeling defeated.

J- “It's not that simple...”

Y- “Wait here.” I interrupted, not wanting to hear the reasons I knew he thought were valid but that to me were just fruit of his overthinking.

I ran to my bedroom and searched for one of my shirts that i knew he liked cause he used to borrow it all the time. I went back to the living room and tossed it at him.

“Yours is destroyed.” I explained.

JUNSU'S POV

“Komawo.” I simply said as I changed. “I guess I'll be leaving then...” I was walking to the door, carrying my ripped shirt in my hands when he grabbed my wrist and startet dragging me.

“You're going nowhere.” he annouced and pulled me behind him to his bedroom. “I don't know what kind of messed up reasons are going trough your head to keep this hell of being apart up. But I miss you and I won't let you go. You sleep on this side.” he said as he sat me on the right side of the bed.

Yoochun went around the bad, laid and pulled me to lay too. He envolved me in his arms and said:

“This is not me being romantic so don't freak out. It's a measure to make sure you won't go away in the midle of the night. It's almost 4a.m. And I'm really tired so let's not argue about this, de? Good nigh Su-a... Junsu.”

I didn't want to go anywhere anyway. Even tbhough I thought I shouldn´t be there, there was nowhere in the world I'd rather be. His warmth against me and his steady breathing against the back of my neck as he hugged me from behind felt like heaven and I quickly fell asleep in a mix of guilt and hapiness.

YOOCHUN'S POV

The next morning when I woke up I wasn't quite sure if I had dreamed the whole Junsu episode or if it really happened. It took me some minutes to organize my thoughts and remember clearly of what had happened. A big smile printed on my face.

But that smile quickly vanished when i looke to the other side of the bed and no one was there, not even a note.

Aishhh, what were you thinking? Of course he would act this way. But last night was definitly a step towards winning him back. And, most important, he showed he still loves me. I thought to myself and regained that big grin.

I showered and dressed quickly, eager to go to the company and tell all about it to Jae and Eunhyuk. They would advice me in what I should do next. And we had the whole contractual thing to deal with Changmin.

Litle did I know that while I was happy has a kid on christmas:

CHANGMIN'S POV

I got up, still drowsy, and went to open the door.

“Junsu-ah? What are you doing here? It's so early.”

J- “Yes!”

C- “Yes what?”

J- “I'll date you!”