I went back to my office at the company. I could hear people talking around me but I couldn’t really concentrate enough to understand what they were saying or even understand if they were talking to me.

                I sat at my chair, opened my laptop and stared blankly at it for god knows how much time. Suddenly someone entered my office, more like he was pushed by his other members:

                “Hyung, how did it go?” Min-ho asked, visibly fearing my answer.

                “Well.” I answered with a sad and tired smile on my face.

                M- “Sooo… is everything ok? Are you guys back together?”

                Y- “Not exactly.”

                M- “Hyung…!”

                Y-“I’m ok. Really! I won’t go evil-yoochun mode again, I swear.”

                M-“Ahhh, hyung how is that being okay? Look at you. You look like your half dead.” I forced another smile. If he only knew how right he was. Half dead: that was exactly how I felt. At least if I was completely dead I wouldn’t feel pain or regret.

                Y- “Kwenchana. Really, you guys don’t have to worry. Even though things didn’t go how I would like it to go. I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me. And I won’t bother Junsu again. So even if you see him or hang out with him please don’t tell me. We decided to go our separate ways. It’s easier for me if I don’t keep hearing about him. But I do hope that he’ll be happy with Changmin, if that’s what he wants. I made my peace with it. I just hope he’ll be happy. For us…. It was condemned from the beginning.” I repeated Junsu’s words with a not in my throat.

                I didn’t really think it was condemned from the beginning. But somehow I did make it end. By being reckless and jealous and not showing my love as I should.

                But I did mean it; I really hopped Junsu to be happy, even if not with me.

                M- “Hyung!” Min-ho called in a low voice and before I knew he was hugging me. Soon the other members who had been listening behind the door were hugging me too.

                Y- “You silly boys!!” I chuckled. “Komawo. Now go train or I’ll have to scold you.” They left the room giving me glances of worry. And that felt like the last time I saw them for weeks.

M-Domain’s POV – 3 1/2 weeks later

                “Guys we have to do something about Yoochun-hyung. I just caught him staring at his office’s door and when I opened it for him he entered without even noticing who opened it.” Myung-Dae said as joined his friends in the dance practicing room.

                “I know. He is totally out of reality. Last week Jae-hyung asked him to send out some papers about a contract and yesterday I heard Jae scolding him because the papers never arrived to the lawyer.” Min-Ho added.

                “Is it still because of Junsu-hyung? I thought that he would get over it gradually but he just seems to get worst by the day. Hyuuuung we have to do something. He looks like a crazy person.” The childish Mun-Hee said while tugging on the leader’s shirt to gain attention.

                “What can we do Munie? We can’t exactly force Junsu to come back to him. The best we can do is keeping an eye on hyung and help him in what he needs until he starts coming back to life again. Keep opening doors for him and let’s make sure we assure that every work that Jae assigns him will be done.” The leader Man-Yung said gaining the approval of all.

                “But will that really help him go back to normal?” the maknae stated and everyone went back to silence, feeling useless.

                EunHyuk’s POV

                “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Is the work at the cake shop really that intense that you can’t take time to see an old friend?” I started complain as soon as I entered Junsu’s house.

                I had come unannounced. He was avoiding all my calls and I had barely seen him since the day Yoochun went to talk with him at the cake shop and came back turned into a zombie.

                I was worried, for both of them. And I got even more worried when I saw that the usually sunny, fresh and neat house of Junsu’s was now a complete mess.

                “I just haven’t had much will to get out of home.” He replied in a lifeless tone and crawled back to the couch were we was seeing some cartoons.

                “For someone who has been spending so much time at home you could have done some cleaning. Didn’t you use to have a cleaning lady?”

                J- “Fired her.”

                E- “What? Why?”

                J- “The pay at the cake shop is much less than what I used to earn. I had to cut on some things. I might have to give up the apartment too. It’s too expensive.”

                E- “What? But you love this apartment!”

                J- “Whatever. It’s just a house.” He said and shrugged his shoulders. I had to take several deep breaths to control myself and not start screaming at him in a paternal tone. Seeing my childhood friend in such a self-destruction route was actually painful.

              E- “Junsu, listen.” I turned off the TV to get his full attention. “You can’t keep living like this. You love this apartment, you should fight to not lose it. Why don’t you apply for other jobs with a better payment? What about the plan to start giving dance lessons? I bet you would really enjoy that. Or maybe you could temporarily get a second job to keep the house and keep yourself distracted and out of the house. Just until you find something better.” He seemed to considerate my words for about two minutes but then:

                J- “I’m fine like I am now.” He snatched the remote of my hand and turned the TV back on.

                E- “What does Changmin think about all this?” I said in a last attempt to get a reaction out of him.

                J- “Why would he think anything?”

                E- “Because he is your play friend nowadays. Every time someone sees you out of work you’re with him. I just guessed his opinion would count.”

                J- “Maybe I’m with him all the time because he doesn’t judge me.” He said in a resentful voice. At least I had his attention now.

                E- “Ohhh. Is that what I should do? Blindly agree with everything you do? Watch you slowly destroy your life without saying a word? Would that make me a good friend? Is that what Changmin is doing to make you forget about Yoochun?” by now I was almost screaming.

                J- “DON’T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HIM!”

                E- “About who exactly? Because this days I don’t know about which of them you care about.” He tried to punch me in the face but I managed to avoid it. Finally Junsu seemed alive again. Even though he was angry he was showing emotions, he cared. Without letting him notice I dialed Yoochun’s number on my phone and hopped that he would answer.

                J- “Shut up jerk. You know nothing.”

              E- “Yes I do. I do know that Yoochun thinks he gave up on you to let you be happy, even if it was with someone else. He is totally destroyed. I had to drive him home before I came here because he was sitting in his car for almost an hour without even remembering what he was there for. He has totally lost it since he acknowledged he had to give up on you. And for what? For this? Are you truly that selfish to the point of destroying someone’s life and keep him thinking it was for your own good when truly you are barely living at all?

                J- “YES I AM. OK? I am a selfish bastard that dragged Yoochun to this situation. But I never intended things to end this way. This whole mess just served to show that I DO NOT deserve him. He his way to good for me and the only thing I did was hurt him. I couldn’t tell him about my past because I was afraid he wouldn’t trust me, and I knew he wouldn’t trust me because I’m an unreliable jerk that  gets paid to pretend to be whatever people want me to be. Who could ever trust someone like me? I should have known from the start that I would only bring unhappiness to Yoochun and walked away before anything started. Now it’s too late, I know. I’ve already made him suffer I won’t ever forgive myself for that. But I can’t be selfish to the point of going back to him when I know I don’t deserve him. He´s better off without me and thought it may hurt know I hope he’ll be happy with someone he can trust and cherish in the future.”

                He’s voice was low and lifeless but I hoped Yoochun would be able to hear everything trough the phone I had discretely placed in the coffee table besides Junsu.

                E- “You’re really stupid you know? Relationships are hard. It takes work. If you give up on the first trouble that crosses your paths then you’re just weak. You think you do not deserve him? Then became someone that does deserve him. Do you think you do not deserve trust? Then became the most trustworthy and reliable person he has ever met. Do you think you do not deserve his love? Well you ing idiot, that’s his decision to make.” He looked at me astonished by my harsh words. I picked up my cellphone.

                E- “I won't try to talk to you anymore. I won't show up here anymore either. I do not know you. When you wake up and realize that you’re just being stupid and making you both suffer, then I’ll agree you are worthy to acknowledge again. Until then you have your not-judging friend to hang out with. Did you even know that everyone thinks he’s dating Yoochun? The irony in that kills me.” I said harshly before getting out of the apartment with a loud bang of the door. “Mianhae Junsu-ah, but you have to open your eyes to what you’re doing.” I mumble to the closed door.

                I went to Jae’s house to tell him how it had went with Junsu but just as  crossed the door someone grabbed me and started kissing me all over. It was Yoochun.

                “He has been this energetic for half an hour now but he doesn’t even tell me why. I assume things went well with Junsu?” Jae asked.

                “Not exactly.” I sat and made Yoochun keep quiet for a few minutes as filled Jaejoong in everything that happened at Junsu’s house. When I finished he smacked Yoochun’s head.

                “Ouch. What was that for?”

                “You stupid piece of human waste. This is all your fault. If you had punched Changmin right when you saw him your boyfriends face instead of run and hide like a little girl none of this would happen. If you had given a chance for Junsu to explain he wouldn’t fell that he’s unworthy of trust and wouldn’t be pushing you out because he thinks you deserve better. Better my …” Jae rumbeled.

                “I scolded Junsu too for not fighting for their relationship. I guess it’s both their faults but now Junsu is the one making things difficult so we should stop with the scolding and help this love bird get back with Junsu.” I added and I couldn’t avoid laughing at Yoochun’s happy and hopeful expression. He looked like Harang when he knows he’s gonna get a treat.

                “I don’t need help. At least I don’t want help. You’re right. Relationships are hard and we have to work on it. But I should do it on my own. I’ll start early tomorrow so I should go to sleep now. Bye guys.” Yoochun said full of energy and kissed my head again before going to his apartment.

                “Well, my job here is done.” I stated and earned an high five from Jaejoong.

JUNSU’S POV

                I tried to fall asleep right there in the couch. But Eunhyuk’s words kept annoying me.

                I got up and started cleaning furiously. It was almost 2 am when I finished but the house was spotless. After that I searched some part-time job offers on the web. He was right; I didn’t want to give up the apartment.

                Did I change my mind about Yoochun? No. I still felt like I didn’t deserve him and that the better thing to do was to stay away from him to not risk hurting him again. But like Eunhyuk said: if he was suffering by staying away from me but was bearing with it because he imagined me being happy in some other way, the least I could do was live up to his expectations and try to be happy. Well at least be and live!

YOOCHUN’S POV

“That babo thinking he doesn’t deserve me. Me being all silly thinking he was all happy with Changmin. Aishhh, so many misunderstandings. Relationships take hard work. Yes, starting tomorrow I’ll make everything ok.” And that was the first night I slept like a baby in almost a month.