JUNSU’S POV

“Changmin-ah…” I mumbled. He was so grown up. A lot taller than me and he lost that baby look. The once skinny boy was now a handsome muscular man and no picture in a magazine could really capture how handsome he had become.

“Hyung!” he smiled softly. I always felt weird when he called me hyung. He had always look and behave like the older one, always so cautious and concentrated, maybe cause he grow being the older brother for his sisters. At his side I was always the goofy childish one and I couldn’t deny I missed the times when we were always bickering with each other and fighting over the most little things to after end up laughing.

“I missed you. Sorry for coming here. I heard from someone that you would be working here tonight and I… really needed to talk with someone.” He explained. He was smiling but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m so lonely Junsu-ah. The people around me are running from me like I have some sort of disease. Are they stupid? Am I someone different from who I was before they knew I was gay? Aishhh…” he almost screamed and messed his hair in anger.

“Everything will be okay sooner or later. You can’t let yourself be so affected by what people say. Haters gonna hate. I actually know someone that went through something similar and now is doing just fine.” I tried to encourage him.

“You don’t understand. I’m losing everything. I’ve lost contracts; I would release my first full album this fall but know that’s not gonna happen. I was supposed to record a song for an OST and now that’s gonne. There were even negotiations for me to debut as a duo with this hyung from my company and even that was cancelled. My own company is sabotaging all my work. And the most ridiculous is that that hyung is gay too and he is participating in a show where he pretends to be married to some female actress. Aishhh, those photos that appeared on the magazines, the guy I was with he wasn’t even my boyfriend or anything. A friend, just a friend and they are making all this fuss. And my company isn’t trying to stop it; they are almost pressuring me to get the hell out of there. It’s the end for me Junsu-ah, I’ll never be a singer.” He kept passing from one side to the other, shrugging his hands and talking non-stop.

Finally he sat down on the bench and took some deep breaths to calm down. I put my hand on his shoulder, feeling weird with that contact but trying to give him my support.

“It is NOT the end, babo. If they want you to get out you get out. You don’t have to endure the humiliation of being rejected by your own company. I know you and I know what an amazing singer you are. Trust me, it’s their loss. There are a lot of companies that would receive a talent like yours with open arms…”

“Not now, not after this stupid scandal.” He whined.

“Even now! I know someone that would be very interested in your amazing voice and that would not care at all if you like guys, girls, cats or dogs.” I said with my biggest smile cause I was certain that Yoochun and Jaejoong would be really interested in someone as talented as Changmin.

Suddenly he stood up and took my hand.

“Thank you, hyung. You make me have faith. And you are right I shouldn’t let anyone treat me like I’m disposable just because of what I decide to do with my private life.” He put emphasis on private. “I’ll leave that company as soon as I can and start anew. If I don’t become a singer I’ll find some other way to be happy.” He said decided, though I was pretty sure that someone would end up noticing what a great singer he was and wouldn’t waste his abilities.

I smiled back. Even if it wasn’t much it felt good to help him.

“Komawo.” He said softly and pulled me in for a hug. Yoochun flashed in my head and I quickly broke the hug.

“Yah, Changmin I told you… You can’t do things like this. I’m with someone now…” I said angrily but he interrupted me with a chuckle.

“Yes, I know. I was so stupid to not correspond to your feelings when I knew how you felt about me. If I could go back in time I wouldn’t have let you go.” He whispered making my angry mood dissipate and my brain shut down. Before I could notice what he was doing he pulled my head up and kissed me softly. And as soon as it began it was over as a scream beside us made my heart stop and my head getting dizzy.

“KIM JUNSU!!!” Yoochun screamed looking at me not with anger but with pain and deception.

“Chunie…”

He started running and I ran to him. I didn’t care that Changmin was there and I most certainly didn’t care about what he though. He didn’t matter. He wasn’t important. The only one that mattered was Yoochun and he was running from me while sobbing.

I broke his heart. How could I?

I needed to explain.

I had to apologize, beg for forgiveness.

I couldn’t lose him.

I couldn’t let him go.

“Yoochun stop. Please….” I screamed while fighting for air. He didn’t slow down not even a bit. He didn’t turn around to let me explain or even to scream at me. He got in the car and drove away making my screams useless. I ran behind the car until my legs couldn’t take it anymore and I fell on the ground, defeated.

Some minutes later someone came and helped me up. The exhaustion and the pain were just too much and I passed out in the arms of my helper.

JAEJOONG’S POV – the next morning

The worry was eating me alive. I couldn’t tell how grateful I was to Junho for had calling me and tell me everything that happened. When Yoochun didn’t come home the previous night I thought he would just be with Junsu, maybe in some hotel room again. But no. He was missing. Actually missing. Nobody knew where he was since midnight and there I was at 11 in the morning searching for him all over Seoul without even knowing where to start.

My phone rang waking me up from my thoughts and almost making me jump on my seat. It was Eunhyuk. I put it on loud speaker.

“Yoboseyo.”

“Jae I was searching his office and I found some kind of receipt for a rent of a boat. The date is from yesterday so I guess he rented it for the night. There’s a phone number. I’ll send it to you.”

“Komawo.” I mumbled and quickly hung up. When the text message with the phone number arrived I pulled over and called the owner of the boat. He confirmed Yoochun had rented it for the night and told me where the boat was and its name. I drove has fast as I could praying that Yoochun would be there.

I found the luxurious iate quite easily. Its insides where totally torn up but I could still identify pieces of what was supposed to be a romantic decoration: rose petals everywhere, busted balloons lying on the ground, even the table was upside down and everything that used to be on top of it was spread through the room’s floor.

Yoochun was laying on the bed still dressed. He had on his hand an empty bottle of some strong drink which smell was all over the room. I sat by his side and tried to wake him up.

“Yoochun come on. Wake up. I need to take you home and put you under a cold shower.” He mumbled some incoherent words. I gave up on trying to wake him, put his arm around my shoulders and dragged him to my car.

As soon as we arrived to his house he gained conscience momentarily just to vomit on his way to the bedroom. Harang got scared and ran from us…

I finally managed to get him to bed, take his dirty clothes off and barely clean him with a wet towel. He mumbled in his sleep but besides Junsu I couldn’t distinguish any other words. When I was putting away his clothes I felt something in his jacket pocket: the little blue box was still there. I put it on his nightstand, alongside a jar of water and a glass, and left to go to the company.

I still remembered how it was to have your heart broken and stumbled into pieces. I knew Yoochun wouldn’t leave that house or even that bed for several days. The best I could do to help him at that moment was to keep the company working at a steady pace.

YOOCHUN’S POV

I woke up from a nightmare I couldn’t really remember. My head was aching like hell and it took me a while to figure out where I was and even if it was day or night. When I totally regain conscious the memories of the previous night rushed back to my mind like sharp needles piercing my brain. Pure torture.

I covered my head with the covers, like that would protect me from the pain. I heard Harang whine; he was resting his head on top of the bed and looking at me with pleading eyes. He was obviously confused about why I was home during day time and why was I behaving like that. I called him and he gladly jumped to the bed and cuddled nest to me.

It actually felt good to have someone to comfort me. In a few time I fell asleep again with tears running down my cheeks.

JUNSU’S POV

I could hear Junho calling each one of my clients for that week and I didn’t even care.

“Yoboseyo? I’m calling on behalf of Junsu. He won’t be able to attend your meeting this week. I’m sorry for such a last minute warning. Yeh… joesonghamnida… de… joesonghamnida.” He kept apologizing and I could imagine some y client complaining on the other side of the line.

The only thing I knew at that moment was that I didn’t want to see, talk or be bothered by anyone. If anyone entered my room he would be welcomed with a shoe being thrown at his head. Though I felt sorry for my brother have to take care of my mess I didn’t had the will to get out of bed and deal with it myself. I had my personal phone by my side and the only person u wanted to talk to didn’t answer any of the dozens of calls I made, I couldn’t find him at the company and after knocking at his door for more than two hours until Junho made me give up, I realized that I should give him some time to cool down and maybe later he would let me explain. I was hanging to that hope with all my strength.

Someone knock on the front door. I couldn’t hear what Junho and the other person where saying but Junho seemed angry and after some shouting someone knocked on my room’s door.

“Junsu-ah…” Changmin called softly.

“You!” I screamed in totally fury. I ran to him and tried to give him a punch that would knock him out, unconscious. But the exaggeratedly tall and beastly guy avoided me easily and I ended up hitting the door and scream in pain.

“Aishhh Mianhae Junsu. It was a reflex… I didn’t mean for you to hit the door… Mianhae. Here hit me.” He said all apologetic, placed my other hand next to his face and closed his eyes.

“Pfff. Just get out.” I hissed and crawled back into my bed, rubbing my wounded hand.

“Anya. I can’t go. I need to apologize.”

“FOR WHAT, YAH??? FOR KISSING ME AFTER I TOLD YOU I WAS WITH SOMEONE? FOR COMING ONTO ME AFTER ALL THIS YEARS THAT I SPEND FORGETTING YOU? FOR MAKING ME LOSE THE ONLY PERSON THAT TREATED ME RIGHTLY AFTER YOU WERE SUCH A JERK TO ME?”

He stood still looking at me like a lost puppy. I could see the guilt eating him. That served him right.

“Hmm… Yes.”

“Well I won’t forgive you. Get the hell out of here.” I barfed from under my covers.

Everything was so quiet for so long that I thought that he had really left. But suddenly I felt some weight on the side of my bed, Changmin sat by my side and talked in a low voice.

“Hyung mianhae, tjintja. I’m always being bad to you.” A long pause. “if I could go back in time I would treat you better so that know you would be with me and not with him. I guess I realized my real feelings a bit too late.”

What? So now he is confessing to me? I’m gonna kick his … Aish this guy just came to complicate my life. I thought but didn’t even make a move, just kept listening, covered until my head by the covers.

“Junsu-ah I want you to be happy. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make everything alright.” He said and quietly left the room. I uncovered myself to make sure he had really left.

What did he mean by that?

When the night came again I couldn’t take the hunger anymore. I crawled to the kitchen where my brother was enjoying some ramen with all my cats looking at him, wanting some.

“Yah, your cats are being creepy.” He said casually.

“They are just hungry.” I feed them. My movements were slow and I kept hitting stuff.

“Aishhh this guy. Are you even alive? Here eat something, see if you gain some energy.” Junho mumbled. I ate the rest of the ramen. I was so hungry that it tasted delicious.

“Jun-ahhhh, what should I do?” I whined, my head resting on the table while Junho took care of the dishes.

“I don’t know. Why did you kiss Changmin after all? I really thought you only had eyes for Yoochun.”

“YAHHHH I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me. I was really surprised I couldn’t even react. It’s not just someone. It’s Choi Changmin.” I mumbled and hit my head on the table repeatedly in frustration.

JUNSU’S FLASHBACK

Changmin is just too cool. How can he sing so flawlessly? I thought while I heard him sing some song while we walk through the park.

That guy didn’t have one single flaw and I had such a huge crush on him that sometimes I would space out and stare at him until I drooled.

He didn’t seem to realize any of this though. And I was pretty sure that, with all the girls that he had after him he would never have the least interest in me, especially considering I am a guy…

“Junsu-ah you should stay at my house tonight.” He suddenly said waking me up from my daydreams.

“Wh… what? Hmm, I don’t know…”

“Aishhh don’t be like that. I’m all alone and I could really use some company. Ok? It’s decided. Let’s go.” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me in the direction of his house. Of course I didn’t even protest.

After a night of fooling around and bickering with each other I decided: that morning I had to tell him how I felt. Yap, after so much time daydreaming about him it was time. The worst that could happen was him rejecting me. We would still be friends. Yes, we would.

“It was a fun night, right Junsu?” I nodded affirmatively. “You always make me laugh; it’s always nice to have you around. You should start charging for your company.” He said joking, not even imagining the effect of his words in me.

“Changmin-ah, I… I like you.” I stuttered a bit but managed to say it. He looked at me with his eyes wide open in surprise. After longs minutes of awkward silence:

“Hyung… you know I don’t like you… not like that. I’… I’m sorry.” He mumbled. I couldn’t say I wasn’t hurt, but it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it. At least I had told him how I felt before he started dating some of those girls and I lose my chance. This way I had nothing to regret.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” I managed to smile “I think I’ll leave first. Annyong.” I said my goodbyes and left his house, too embarrassed to even look at him.

What I didn’t know was that the “we can still be friends” ending that I expected wasn’t gonna happen. Changmin started avoiding me, he stopped answering my calls and when he did he was always very distant and had something to do.

I was expecting that he wouldn’t return my feelings, but losing one of my best friends and only companion at the time truly broke my heart. I felt rejected. And the sadness of rejection became true pain when some weeks later I bumped into Changmin when I was about to enter coffee shop.

“Hyung!” he called hesitantly. I could notice that he wouldn’t talk to me if he could avoid it. To be honest I felt the same.  I was about to greet him back when a guy came out of the coffee shop and grabbed Changmin by the waist.

“Oh, hello. Aren’t you going to introduce us Changmin?” the guy asked but Changmin just looked at him with an uneasy smile. So that guy took initiative:

“Hi. I’m Kyuhyun, Changmin’s boyfriend. And you are…” he greeted me.

I couldn’t help but let out a hoot: “A fool. I’m a fool.” I answered and walked away not even caring about the shocked look on Changmin’s face.

He didn’t reject me because I was a guy. Apparently I just wasn’t the right guy. And he didn’t even had the nerve to explain me that and ruined our entire friendship.

When I noticed it was already night. My feet lead me to a bar and eager to take that jerk out of my head I started drinking.

“Well hello there. How come a cutie like you is here alone?” a girl seated in the bar stool next to me.

“Not interested.” I mumbled and kept sipping my drink.

“Woe? Why not? You’re here alone, I’m here alone. And you look like someone that can keep me good company.” She said remembering of Changmin’s words.

“You’ll have to pay.” I mumbled.

And that was how Changmin influenced me to become a host.

JUNSU’S POV – PRESENT

“That jerk... Why did he have to come back and ruin my life? Did he do enough already?” I mumbled to my pillow and checked my phone again in hope that Yoochun might have called me before I fell asleep.