36 ★ Goodbye, Thank You
The Star-Crossed Hearts
"Calm down, Riah, calm down," I take a deep breath, repeating the words to myself as I hold my phone tight in my grip. "You just need to give it to him and..."
And what?
While my right hand holds a phone, my left hand is holding onto the red paper bag, the one I will hand over to Myungsoo today, just like what I have planned days ago.
The day has finally came but suddenly a pang fills my heart.
Since my conversation with Myungsoo last night, I wonder if this is the best path I could choose. We agreed to meet today so I could tell what happened in my office and... to give the birthday present I prepared for him.
It's five already and I left my office as soon as possible to meet up with him. He has arrived and he told me that he would wait on the first floor.
After I give it then it's time for me to forget whatever I feel for him, to bury deep this feeling, to let go of what I never had. It should be like that, right?
"Yo, Hyung!"
There he is, standing with his black shirt. Myungsoo waves to me as I approach him, "Yo. Any idea where to go now?"
I clear my throat nervously and look away, trying to pretend that I'm not bringing anything for him, "Let's go upstairs. I want to eat ice cream waffle today."
As if it's not enough to have him next to me and make my heart beats uncontrollably, his next action almost makes my heart to skip a beat, "Hey, why don't you ask Sumi to come? She also came to office today, right?"
Crap.
"I'll call her then," he takes out his phone and dials Sumi's numbers. I want to stop him but what kind of reason I have to prevent him from calling another friend?
Because I want to be with him alone?
"Strange," Myungsoo pulls away the phone from his ear. "I can't reach her. Well, I'll text her then."
Without him knowing, I heave a sigh of relieve as I lead him to a restaurant which is specialized in ice cream menu like pancake, waffle, and other desserts.
"So...," I chose to open the conversation, "...any interesting story from your office, Mister Kim Myungsoo?"
Thankfully, even if there are only two of us, time goes on and on as we exchange stories about our work, friends, and else. We enjoy the waffle until the clock strikes six.
"You need to leave before eight, right?" I ask him after I asked for the bill from waiter. "It's six already, you know."
"Oh, no, just enjoy it," he answers with a grin. "I'll accompany you till late. Don't bother with the time, Hyung."
"Eh?" I don't hide the fact that I'm surprised. "Yah! You should have told me earlier! I could manage to watch a movie, you know! Ah, Kim Myungsoo, you're such a tease!"
He only laughs upon my complaint. Once the waiter comes, he pays for the bill and when I ask him how much I need to pay, he smiles, "It's okay. It's on me."
"Yah, Myungsoo, seriously?" I ask him once again but he shakes his head and tells me that it's okay; I can pay him next time when we have dinner together again.
Is it strange for me to feel happy just by that simple gesture? I mean it's actually not something extraordinary; he is having dinner with a girl and, of course, he will pay for it.
It's just...
"Hey, don't put that kind of face," he mumbles when take an escalator downstairs. "You really want to watch that movie, eh?"
"Of course I want to!" I pretend to be mad at him. Maybe because a part of me just wants to watch a movie with him. Just two of us. "Ah, it's a good one..."
As if he has more surprise boxes for me, he unveils another one again with his one statement, "Let's watch it then."
My eyes widen in shock, "Eh? But you don't want to return too late, right? It's okay if you can't. I'm just kidding!"
"Aish, don't bother about time, Hyung. I've told you," he assures me. "Let's just check the cinema now, okay? We'll satisfy your wish to watch a movie."
Without letting go of the birthday present I should give to him tonight, we go to the cinema theater and line for the queue, waiting to buy the tickets.
Unfortunately the movie is too famous that all of the seats are already taken, causing me to step out from the queue without tickets. Looks like disappointment is reflected on my face because Myungsoo cheers me up, "Hey, don't cry, Hyung. Don't cry because you can't watch it with me."
"Yah!" I pretend to slap him on shoulder. Somehow his effort to joke eventually makes me smile. "Well, then... Where should we go next then?"
He shrugs his shoulders and looks at me, "No idea. Almost seven now. So... Are you going home now, Hyung?"
"My mother is on her way here," I answer as I avoid his gaze. My heart beats faster and faster as I come to a realization: I must give the present now. "I need to buy something for my brothers. Wait a minute."
Myungsoo accompanies me to a bookstore as I prolong a little bit of time just to prepare my heart. Once I return with another bag of books, he comments casually, "You look so troubled with all those bags."
An idea crosses my mind. I hand over the red paper bag to him, "Then help me with this one. This should be yours anyway."
"What is this?" he takes it from me, taking a peek of what's inside.
"What you should take because you're here now. That's the main reason why I asked you to come, remember?" I walk pass him, still keeping cool attitude. "Let's go."
"Thank you, Hyung," he states with a bright smile. "Well... I'll see you when I see you again then."
I stand still for a moment when we're almost at the place where we're going separate ways. I nod and smile at him, "Thank you for tonight, Myungsoo. Bye."
He waves to me and walks away while I don't move at all, watching his back from afar until he disappears at the turn.
"You have no idea how you make me feel like I am just too close to love you...," I sigh heavily, "...yet I know I can't have your love."
I close my eyes and Myungsoo's face crosses my mind. My heart aches so bad that it feels like I can't breathe.
One year already. I held to this one-sided feeling for him. I hoped for a little possibility that he would return the same feeling for me. I wanted him to look at me the way I always looked at him.
One year of those roller-coaster of joy and heartbreaking moments that he would never realize had happening to me.
One year already.
"Goodbye and thank you, Myungsoo."
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