31 ★ Obvious
The Star-Crossed Hearts
To be honest, I never really had a plan to tell Myungsoo what I feel for him. The reason never changes either: a confession will ruin everything, including our so-called close friendship... if you can say so now.
I don't know since when but this insecure feeling has hit me continuously. Sounds silly, isn't it? Why do I even need to feel insecure when Myungsoo is not mine to begin with?
Ever since Jieul and Haemin somehow convinced me to tell what I have in heart to the insensitive guy, things become more complicated for me. Or maybe it's just me.
Let me get this straight. I don't talk to him with everyday. I'm not even sure if I talk to him once in a week. SOmetimes I'll call him on online chat but it only lasts for five or ten minutes.
Why? Because I don't think it's a good idea to be all caring and aggressive towards him. I don't think he will like that kind of friend either.
Friend. Yes. Friend. That's who I am in his eyes and I'm pretty sure about it now. At least after what happened tonight.
After weeks I finally met him at our friend's birthday surprise plan. It would be a lie if I said I didn't expect to see him. In fact my heart beat out of the rhythm once I saw him.
It was when Yuri, the girlfriend of our birthday friend, realized that she forgot her phone in car when we had gathered in the cafe, waiting for the time to start the surprise plan. She dragged Sunggyu to accompany her, leaving me alone with Myungsoo.
For the very first time, it felt awkward. Did Yuri do it on purpose? Why? I never told her about Myungsoo and my foolish love. I didn't know what conversation I needed to start.
We talked about work again and he told me his tasks calmly. It's funny how I finally realized that we almost never talked about anything else but work life.
The surprise plan went on and I couldn't help but to glance at Myungsoo whenever I could. I felt my heart ached slightly, realizing he talked with everyone so happily but me.
Okay, maybe I'm just being paranoid. It's just a stupid assumption but who knows if I'm right anyway? His boyish smile and cheerful grin showed up when he teased Haemin or my other friends.
But, no, not with me.
It's not jealousy. I don't know how to describe it but it's not jealousy. Strange, isn't it? It's not the feeling of give-that-smile-to-me-too. It's not that.
Are you happy being this way?
That's what I have in mind. He is happy with the others. He looks perfectly alright without me being around. He doesn't bother about me at all.
Now isn't it obvious that I'm not special for him?
I feel pathetic. How could I think that I had a chance to win his heart? How is it possible when he never sees me the way I see him?
We're never meant to be together from the very first time.
"Riah," Jieul calls my name when I'm going to part my way with them since the dinner time has finished. "Are you alright? You don't look really... good. Is it because of him?"
At that time Myungsoo is talking with the others, making a joke that makes them laugh altogether. A sad smile forms on my lips and I realize what I just can't help but to admit that my love for him makes me feel this way.
"I should give up," I heave a sigh and adjust my jacket slowly. "Maybe I should have given up earlier."
"Eh?" Jieul widens her eyes in disbelief. "Why? Didn't you just say you will tell him on his birthday?"
That's a plan. I did think about giving him a birthday present in two months. No, I would not send him a love letter; he doesn't like to read too many words.
I was thinking to send a CD with selected songs that could describe my feeling to him. If he realizes it, then it's good, even better if he feels the same, Jieul said. If he doesn't realize it, at least I've tried.
Now I don't think I will stick to the plan.
"I'm nothing but one of his friends," I mutter as calm as possible. "It's a fact. My brain knows it's true but I guess my heart won't accept it."
Jieul was going to say something but Yoojoon calls her and the conversation ends just like that. I bid them goodbye and turn around, walking away without looking at Myungsoo.
I'm afraid if I look at him, this heart will be fragile again, knowing that I can't stop loving him if I look at his beautiful eyes.
No matter how much I want him to love me back, it's just impossible. It's obvious. Everything is obvious already.
Star-crossed hearts will never meet.
__________
Author's Note:
So will this story comes to an end soon?
Tell me what you have in mind about what 'Riah' should do! Perhaps I can tell her what's the best option. ;D
Anyway, there is a song I want to share according to this chapter's title, Obvious.
It's a song by Westlife and I must admit this song does reflect what's in 'Riah''s heart.
Maybe she needs to include this song in the playlist she (probably) will send to 'Myungsoo'? ;)
"We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby
You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are
I've heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
But I everytime I ask you out
We never move pass friendly, no no
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know
I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more than adore you but since you never seem to see
But you never seem to see
I'll say in in this love song."
- Obvious, Westlife
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