14 ★ Crush
The Star-Crossed Hearts
I scroll through my Twitter timeline and my eyes widen when I see Myungsoo's username. It's not because of his tweet but because of what he just tweeted.
"And he said that he is sick...," I tighten my grip on my phone, feeling mad at a moment before I heave a sigh and press the back button.
"What's wrong?" Jieul asks me with concerned look. I just shake my head and smile, telling her that it's alright.
It's been more than one month since the last time I met Myungsoo on the day he had his final presentation. Ever since that day, things are not working along with what my heart wants.
I have started working at the place where I applied for work, the one Myungsoo encouraged me to send my application letter. The company accepted me and it's already a month since I worked there.
I also know that Myungsoo has started to work at a famous company and I'm actually happy for him, both as a friend and as a girl who is falling in love with him.
However I must admit that I actually miss him. Once in a while I would call him when I was online, asking him about how he's doing there at work.
That's that.
Whenever I head out with the others, gathering to watch movies or just hanging out, he is nowhere to be found. Just like yesterday.
He told me that he couldn't go because he was still sick. Today I came to visit Yoojoon's house with Jieul and I know that Haemin would come as well.
The thing I didn't expect is Haemin actually having lunch with Myungsoo now. No, I'm not jealous with Haemin because she just broke up with her ex-boyfriend and she also knew that I have feeling for Myungsoo.
Okay, maybe a little bit jealousy is obvious. Jieul told me that Myungsoo just finished playing footbal with Yoojoon and the other boys.
A motorcycle stops right in front of me and Jieul who are ordering food for our lunch. I keep myself busy with the menu because I know who the driver is.
Haemin hops down from the motorcylce and joins us to choose the food. At the same time, Myungsoo, without taking off his helmet, greets us, "Hey!"
I don't reply him, feeling that if I look at him, the foolish heartache will strike again. The others greet him back and he bids us goodbye, heading back to his house.
It's stupid, isn't it? I miss him so bad but, when he is right in front of him, I don't even say a word to him.
"Pabo," I curse myself, biting my bottom lip. "Su Riah is stupid."
For the whole day, I try to shove away all negative thought in my mind, trying to forget about Myungsoo but things are becoming worse at night.
I am alone in my room, listening to my music playlist when I suddenly remember about Myungsoo.
His tweet just appeared in my timeline and my heart aches just by knowing that he must not realized that I ignored him this afternoon.
Does he even care about me?
"Don't you know how much I miss you?" I hug my pillow and holding the urge to shed my tears. "Stop making me think of you, Kim Myungsoo..."
Everytime I arranged time to gather with the others, I really wished that I would meet him yet everytime that happened, he always failed to make it.
Whenever I couldn't go, he was there with the others, enjoying their times together. I really feel like my fortune is the worst when it comes to Myungsoo.
Maybe we're never meant to be together. Maybe it will never work out since the start. Well, it's not like we had anything from the start.
I click the next button to change my playlist and a new song is played.
"Kkwae orae doen geotman gata
Neol mollae johahaetdeon na
Hoksina deulkilkkabwa maeum jorimyeo
Mareul halkka malkka honja gomineul hae"
It’s been so long
Me, liking you and you never know
I worry that I might get caught
Keep thinking if I should say or not
Ah, this song.
"Nae mameul algo isseulkka
Moreun cheokhago isseulkka
Jeokdanghi twinggidaga mot igineun cheok
Nae mam bada jwo geureom andoelkka"
Do you know my mind?
Are you pretending like you don’t know?
Pretending like you can’t overcome it
Can’t you just accept my heart?
I smile in irony because this song actually describes what my heart is feeling right now. Does Myungsoo actually know about my heart or is he just pretending that he doesn't know?
"Nae saranga nae saranga
Ijen naege mameul yeoreo jwo butakhae
Gidarime jichyeo beoryeoseo
Himdeureo jujeoantji anke
Nae son jaba jwo"
My love, my love
Please open up your mind
I’ve been tired of waiting
So exhausted but so that I won’t fall
Please hold my hand
As much as I can remember, it's been more than four months since I realized that I fell for him. Time flies, eh?
"Saramdeulgwa tteodeureodo
Onjongil ni saenggakppunya
Eotteoke haeya nae maeumeul jeonhalkka
Ojik han saram neoppuninde"
Even I’m talking with people
But I still think of you all day
How to do so I can tell you about my mind
You’re my only one
I feel like the biggest fool in the world. Why can't I forget him? Why can't I give up on my feeling for him?
Why?
"Nae saranga nae saranga
Ijen naege mameul yeoreo jwo butakhae
Gidarime jichyeo beoryeoseo
Himdeureo jujeoantji anke
Nae son jaba jwo"
My love, my love
Please open up your mind
I’ve been tired of waiting
So exhausted but so that I won’t fall
Please hold my hand
"If only I can tell you...," I murmur to myself, surpressing the sadness as much as I can.
"Neomu saranghanikka
Neomu johahanikka
Oemyeonhaji mara jwo
Ijen nae mam bada jwo
Haengbokhage hae julge yeongwonhi
Hamkke hago sipeo
Naege wajumyeon andoeni"
Because I love you so much,
Because I like you so much,
Please don’t turn away
Please accept my heart
I’ll make you happy forever
I want to be with you
Can’t you just come to me?
A tear finally escapes my eyes when I listen to the song. Maybe Jieul is right that I'm just torturing myself as I bury my feeling inside for Myungsoo.
"Nae saranga nae saranga
Ijen naege mameul yeoreo jwo butakhae
Nae moksumboda sojunghan saram
Saranghae i sesang kkeutkkaji
Hamkke haejullae"
My love, my love
Please open up your mind
You’re more important than my life
I love you, Until this world ends
Will you be with me?
It's the first time I cry because of Myungsoo...
...and maybe it's because I finally realize that we're forever impossible to be more than just friends from the start.
It's only me who has a crush on him all along.
Our hearts never crossed with each other.
__________
Author's Note:
The song in this chapter is titled "Crush" and it's sung by Sandeul from B1A4. :)
__________
Author's Note:
The song in this chapter is titled "Crush" and it's sung by Sandeul from B1A4. :)
Comments