21 ★ Graduation Day Pt. 2
The Star-Crossed Hearts
"Where are the others?" Haemin looks at the left and right sides, trying to find our friends but it's too confusing since there are too many people around. "Did you see them?"
"Nope," Myungsoo laughs softly. "Happy graduation anyway!"
Looking at his smile makes me wonder if he will still give me that wonderful smile once he knows what I'm feeling for him. Can I still have his smile?
"Let's take picture together!" Haemin takes out her camera and hands it to me. "There you go, Riah!"
My heart aches when I try to adjust the camera angle, making sure that both Myungsoo and Haemin is in the frame.
I can't be jealous. I'm not supposed to be jealous. I know Haemin still has feelings for her ex and they're really close as friends...
...but who am I trying to fool? I am jealous.
"Nice," I lower the camera and force a smile. I hand it back to Haemin so she can take a look at the result. "Let's look fo-"
"It's your turn!" Haemin cuts my words, giving me a huge grin. "You two should take a picture together! It's a graduation day!"
Why do I become nervous all of a sudden? My hearbeat fastens as I walk to Myungsoo's side but everything collides when he reaches out his hand innocently, "Where is the camera?"
"Yah!" Haemin scolds him playfully. "I mean you two! Riah and I have a lot of pictures already! Come on!"
Myungsoo seems to understand and smiles bashfully at the camera. Haemin clicks the capture button, having Myungsoo and I are together in one picture.
There was only one picture of Myungsoo and I together before this one. It's taken around one year ago when our class outing session, when I only saw him as nothing but a classmate.
We were walking around and I didn't need to feel nervous at all. A friend who walked in front of us suddenly turned around with camera, telling us to smile at her.
It feels so different now. Everything is just different.
Even the way I look at Myungsoo now is really different. The way how I want him to stay in my life as someone more than just an ordinary friend, the way I want him to look at me.
"I'll be right back," I clear my throat and excuse myself. "I need to find my parents. Let's meet up at the statue there, Haemin."
I can hear Myungsoo also tells Haemin he will look for his family, walking at different direction from mine.
Even though it's our graduation day, I feel like I'm a really selfish person. I'm supposed to be sad since all of us have finally graduated but I don't feel like that at all.
For me separation is just another chapter of life and we will meet again. I believe so that's why I don't really take this graduation as a goodbye. In fact I want to be happy today.
Why can't I feel the same about my feeling for Myungsoo?
Because I actually want to say 'goodbye' for my feeling towards Myungsoo as well.
How can I say goodbye when I never said hello? How can I move on when I never confess my feeling to him? How can I tell him without ruining our friendship?
"Riah, you should stop giving advice to someone else when you need to take care of your own love life," Sumi, a colleague at my office, who became my best friend in the last four months, told me.
We were in a middle of our break time and we became good friends ever since our office trip. She told me about her secrets, about her past love life, and everything so we got along pretty well.
Now that she had a boyfriend already, she was trying to tell me an important thing when I wanted to help my another friend to get close with someone she liked.
"Not that I don't appreciate your advice. You're great and that's why I think you need to think more about yourself now," Sumi said honestly. "You deserve your own happiness."
"It's not that simple," I heaved a sigh. I didn't understand why she kept insisting about me confessing to Myungsoo. "You don't understand."
"Then explain," she crossed her arms. "Who made it complicated? You or him?"
I bit my bottom lip and looked away, "No one..."
Sumi pouted and looked at me with serious expression, "If you never try, you'll never know, Riah. You will lose nothing just because of a confession."
It's not that easy. I really wanted to repeat those words to her but she would never understand.
For the first time in my life, I was afraid of revealing my true feeling. Because he was too special for me that I didn't want to do anything that could risk our friendship.
Yes. I was a coward.
"Omo! Myungsoo, that is really cute!" Jieul squeals as she takes the flower bouquet from Myungsoo. She stares at the little teddy bear in the middle of the flowers, "Who gave you this?"
"My sister," he laughs. "She said everyone else gave something to their families so she wanted to do the same."
We are gathering near the statue to take pictures together and Myungsoo has something else in his hand, a flower bouquet. The girls take pictures with the cute bouquet.
Including me.
"Yah, Myungsoo, let's take picture together," I call out his name with all my courage and, thankfully, he agrees. "Jieul, can I..."
"Sure!" Jieul looks excited as she points the camera to us.
"Wait!" Dongwoo, Woohyun, and Sungyeol speak at the same time, trying to join us for a picture but Jieul eventually stops them.
Jieul glares at them and says, "Hold on! Just Riah and Myungsoo first. You can join after this."
The three guys start to tease us, saying that something is up between me and Myungsoo, whispering out loud that it's a special picture.
"Yah, what are you talking about?" Myungsoo laughs it off after Jieul took the picture. "It's just a picture. Of course there's nothing."
His words crush me down into the deepest darkness. Maybe I'm exaggerating things but, yes, I feel it that way.
I force another smile, trying to look all cheerful outside when my heart is breaking inside. Maybe I really should give up on my feeling for Myungsoo. It's too obvious that he doesn't see me the way I see him.
"It's cute!" Jieul still admires the bouquet from Myungsoo's sister. "I want to ask Yoojoon for it!"
I do think it's really cute too.
"I want this kind of bouquet!" I murmur to him, staring at the white teddy bear while the others are busy taking pictures again. I grin playfully to Myungsoo. "Can I have it?"
It's just a joke but he actually answers it simply, "Just take it then."
"Eh?" my eyes widen in shock. My heartbeat increases rapidly as I ask him slowly, "Seriously?"
"Of course," he gives me a wide smile. "My house is a florist shop, remember? I can make dozens of them if I want."
The first thing I have in my mind is would he say the same if other girs ask for it or...
"It's from your sister, you know," I raise my eyebrow, shrugging over the nervousness. "Are you sure you will give it to me?"
He frowns, acting as if he is thinking really hard, "You're right... She brought it all along the way from house..."
Though disappointment hits me, I hand over the bouquet to him, "Here. You should take care of it dearly."
Myungsoo takes it back and smiles, "Sure, I will."
I clench my fists in pain but my smile never disappears. It hurts the most to feel this way; one moment he crash me with his honest words, another moment he made me feel like I was in heaven.
I don't understand. I can't understand him at all.
"I'll take my leave now," Myungsoo glances at his wristwatch. "My parent is waiting for me. I'll see you guys next time."
He waves to all of us. We return his greeting and go back to whatever we're doing.
I look at his back who walks away until he disappears at the turn of the door.
There he goes and I know that today I will not meet him again. My graduation day, our graduation day, has over.
"Next time...," I whisper to myself.
When next time comes, do I still love you as much as I do today, Kim Myungsoo?
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Author's Note:
Just a reminder, this story is inspired by true events.
I wrote the events, the conversations, and the descriptions as detail as I could.
Please do tell me if something is missing though. ;)
Thank you and sorry for the not-so-frequent update. :)
__________
Author's Note:
Just a reminder, this story is inspired by true events.
I wrote the events, the conversations, and the descriptions as detail as I could.
Please do tell me if something is missing though. ;)
Thank you and sorry for the not-so-frequent update. :)
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