18 ★ Give Up
The Star-Crossed Hearts
I check myself in front of the mirror and, after I'm satisfied with everything, I smile to myself. It's almost time so I need to get ready to meet the others.
Tonight Sungyeol will treat us for dinner since we gave him a surprise visit last week for his birthday. He invited at least a dozen people to enjoy the dinner together.
Myungsoo is one of them.
Ever since I returned from the work meeting, there is a slight doubt in my heart. I start to worry whenever I need to meet Myungsoo in person.
It will be a lie if I'm not happy to know that I'm going to meet him but I must admit that my fear is growing even stronger.
What am I afraid about?
The fact that I have harbored feeling towards him for more than six months actually makes me frustrated. Where did I get an idea that loving someone in silence is not painful?
It's frustrating. It's tiring. It's really difficult for me to say that everything is good as long as he is happy.
"Myungsoo!" Sungyeol calls out his name as soon as we stepped out from the car. He waves to the guy who always succeed in making my heart to skip a beat just by his smile.
He is wearing his glasses, just like what he always does once night falls. He gives me a wide smile before greeting the others as well.
I bite my bottom lip as he walks pass me. There is this strange feeling, ripping me from inside. I'm happy and hurt at the same time.
Maybe I'm just expecting too much about what might happen between us. Our graduation ceremony will be held in less than three weeks and I really wish that I can have a picture with him on the day.
That's perhaps the only wish I have right now.
It's impossible to wish Myungsoo will return my feeling. I start to think that I really need to stop wishing for anything about us becoming as one.
Because maybe we're just not meant to be together... no matter how much I love him.
"Let's go somewhere else after this!" Sungyeol gives an idea after we finished the dinner. "The night is still young! Why don't we go to the new cafe?"
"Eh?" Myungsoo seems to disagree with the idea. "Why don't we go to anywhere closer? It must be really crowded there since it Saturday night."
After having a quick discussion, the majority rules. They want to go to the new cafe so we can chat there, enjoying the night together.
I glance at Myungsoo and he just gives an awkward grin, "I'm close to my house already from here... Is there really no option closer for us?"
"So you're just lazy," I and he just laughs it off before asking Sungyeol but all he gets is just a confirmation that we will go to the new cafe.
"Come on," I slap his arm lightly. "It's just once in a while, Myungsoo!"
He sighs and then gives up, "Fine. Let's go then."
"Where?" Sungyeol asks him. "The new cafe or?"
"Anywhere. Wherever. Let's go!" Myungsoo replies with a wide grin. "Who are going with my car?"
Juyeon gives me a quick wink and I have a feeling that she is going to do whatever she can to let me go along with Myungsoo. However I don't give her a chance to do it.
I step closer to Sungyeol and pretend to look away. I'm pretty sure Juyeon will ask me why I do this but I avoid the chance to be in one car with Myungsoo.
I learned it already. The more I stay longer with him, the more my heart will yearn for him... and it's not good.
Because from the bottom of my heart, I know I should have given up.
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