PLAYLIST: “Think About’ Chu,” Sam Kim, Loco

DOHEE

How can he be so perfect? Those doughy eyes, thick eyebrows, plump lips—they’re all flawless. His deep yet tender voice, so boyfriend material. Oh, Do Kyungsoo, what do you do to me? The hairs on my neck stand when he glanced at me. “Our sales have gone up for the past four months, good job, Dohee.” His voice when he says my name sounds amazing like it’s made to call my name. “Are you okay?” He asked.  I shiver when I feel his skin against mine when he tapped me.

I immediately grin. “Ah, yes, sir. Thank you, we do our best all the time. Thanks to your encouragement, we are all doing well. You’re the best boss, you know. That’s why we do so good.” What the fudge did I just say? I lower my head, more so to hide my blush than to be polite. I ignore the hint of discomfort on my chest as I watch him check his phone, one side of his lips curving up to a sweet smile. It must be her … Jihyun. Where do I start with this? Son Jihyun is like a princess. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s talented and most especially, she’s so slim—just like a goddess.

How do I even have the audacity to like this man in front of me while knowing clearly what his type is? It’s definitely not me, it will never be me. “How’s Miss Son, sir?” I decided to ask just to get his attention once more. The café is already closed and we are just packing up after that wonderful one-hour meeting I had with him alone. “Hm?” He looked up, still smiling so beautifully. “Oh, she’s good. She’s been busy with business trips though, so we have to wait for her schedule to be clear until we can start planning for the wedding.” He answered. He’s just so kind, he’s not nasty like some bosses could be. He’s a great boss … he’s a great man.

When he proposed to her here in this café six months ago, in front of many customers and staff, I was there watching like a lost puppy, just gradually bursting into thin air like bubbles. I wanted to hide, out of envy. It was so romantic how he did it. They’re so perfect for each other. They’re like a real Korean drama couple—something I could never have because I’m not perfect like they are.

It’s my dream for my own Mr. Right to shout to the whole world how much he loves me, how much he needs me in his life, how much I give meaning to his life. I want that too. I really want that too. I want a man to be as romantic, sweet, and caring as he is to Jihyun.

I flip my hair behind and tapped my neck with the back of my hand. It’s a bit hot in here and I don’t know if it’s his presence or this summer is just one of the hottest ones I’ve ever experienced. “You’re hot?” He spoke. What?! I look up in shock. “I’m … I’m what, sir? I’m—” I stutter. Did he just say I’m hot? Oh my god, what is happening. He looked up, putting down the pen he was now holding against the clipboard he’s writing on. “I asked if you were hot. I could blast up the A/C if you want, I feel a bit hot in here too.” He stood up, turning away from me. I instantly cover my mouth with both hands. I just want to hide in one of those ovens we have inside and bake myself alive.

“Better?” He turned to me, again with that same handsome smile of his. “I hope our customers aren’t feeling too hot in here during the day. No?” He clutched on the front of his shirt and started flopping it against his chest back and forth, to fan himself. Oh my god, that’s … I don’t know how to call that but that’s … an amazing sight to see. I move my gaze somewhere else, blinking all that beautiful trauma away. I shouldn’t be always feeling this way towards him, especially when he’s an engaged man. He sat back down across me and adjusted himself better across this small table, briefly decreasing the distance between us. I think I even felt the tips of his hair or maybe that’s just me being paranoid. It was a very short moment though as he collapsed back down comfortably on the chair. “So uh, hm, I think we’re good here. You go head now; I can close.” He suggests. “You look like you have plans after.” He adds.

I narrow my eyes at him in confusion. I look down at myself. “Oh, I look like … I have plans?” I ask with a growing smile. He lazily points up, gesturing to my hair then down to my outfit. “Seems like you got pretty for someone. You can go right ahead now, I’ll close tonight. You don’t want to be late, Dohee.” He chuckled before focusing his sight back down to the papers scattered on the table.

What … What did … Oh my god … he actually noticed what I did?

And he thinks it’s pretty? Well, he didn’t exactly say it like that but he kind of implied it, right? Or am I just crazy now?

I physically shiver—and I mean physically shiver. “Oh? Too cold now?” He glanced at the A/C behind us. “Uh, no, sir. I will go ahead now.” I stand up quickly before he could do anything else again. “Thank you, sir! I will—I am so thankful—to this mee—thank you, sir!” I start muttering all kinds of crap as I bow multiple times. Why am I being so unprofessional in front of my boss? How am I not fired yet? How is he not firing me yet? What is wrong with him?! With my wide eyes, I watch him look back at me with an amused smile. “Ok—kay? Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you inhaled too much coffee aroma today.” He joked. This is not the right time to be cute and funny, Do Kyungsoo! I am freaking out! “I’m—I’m alright, sir.” I meekly answer before finally turning away and rushing to the staff room.

I close the door behind me and lean on it. I bite on my knuckle to hold myself from making any inappropriate sound. I can’t stop the beam on my face from growing. I really should stop acting this way in front of him or else he might figure it out. He can’t know I have a crush on him, he just can’t. I don’t want everything to be more awkward between us than it already is because of my stupidity.

You see, for the past five years that I’ve been working here, he wasn’t always the boss. His father was and then he took over two years ago and that’s when my crush started. Literally a crush at first sight cause he was so handsome, like an actual prince. Nice posture, clean-cut hair, flawless face, good body, everything was picture-perfect. It only got worse when I got to know him.

Like how am I breathing the same air as him instead of watching him from a TV screen? Is this even real? I still tend to ask myself sometimes.

“Stop it.” I hush and slap my own cheek. I stomp my feet towards my locker. I sight as I open it. “I mean look at you. You’re ugly. You have acne. Your nose isn’t perfectly straight and thin. Your hair is—okay, well my hair is actually pretty thanks to Baekhyun but jeez, Dohee … you’re bare ugly. You have to pay a lot to look even slightly presentable, how pathetic, right?” I self-talk. “And you wonder why you’re still single at thirty-two? You need to save up for surgery first, then maybe you can consider finding the one.” I grab my purse from the locker and shut it close and locked. What am I even talking about? I don’t think I can ever get surgery. I’m too scared of needles, let alone shaving off my jaws and slicing off my skin.

I walk out, quickly bowing at him as I pass by. “Have a good night, sir. Take care. I’m going now, thank you again.” I say in a rush and with a last bow, I stride out of the café, not allowing myself to sneak another glimpse of him. Sigh. What a failure you are, Dohee.

Today is a new day.

Another afternoon shift for me but it’s okay. I actually like it better than the morning shift because I get to do my own thing before I have to get ready. Time check, it’s already eleven o’clock and I just woke up. Oh my god, I still have my braids on. I remember coming home, washing my face and brushing my teeth, and literally just passing out. I even forgot to change my clothes, why am I such a gross human being? I look down at myself. I have stale bread and coffee aroma in me, oh lord.

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