PLAYLIST: “It’s First Love,” IU and Na Yoon Kwon

DOHEE

I jerk awake from a loud chime buzzing right at my ear. My vision meets the ceiling of my room as soon as I open my eyes. I just had the weirdest freaking dream. Oh my god. This is getting out of hand. This not good. With my frozen expression, I sit up and lean on the headboard of my bed. I am in complete shock. That has to be the most chillingly vivid dream I’ve ever had. I dreamt about him again. And this time, I dreamt of … him. Byun Baekhyun. He became my boyfriend and I have never felt that kind of joy in my heart, it felt way too real. It was oddly pleasuring all of my senses despite it being a dream. This is all because of the crap I have told him yesterday, isn’t it?. I need serious help. My dreams of him are getting more and more vivid each night.

I reach for my phone to turn my alarm off. After turning it off, I check my messages. There was one. I RECEIVED ONE TEXT MESSAGE. “Oh, my g—” I squeal so hard that I end up gagging. Okay, maybe my voice is way too early for that. I open the message, it’s from him. It’s from Baekhyun. “Hoooh—what?” I grunt upon seeing the time stamp of the message. It was sent at seven in the morning and it’s already ten because I am a lazy and also, my work doesn’t start until eleven and I only take a few minutes to get ready because, I will say it again, I am a lazy .

The text message simply says, Good morning, noona. I jolt upright atop my bed with my eyes bulging out in shockwave. “HOLY—that was all real. You have got to be kidding me!”  I slam my phone as close to my eyes as possible, not trusting reality. I drop my phone to my side for a moment as I glare in space. Immediately, the vivid moments I have experienced with him yesterday replays in my head and … in my skin. They were real. “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.” I hop off the bed and somersault down the floor. Ouch but whatever. I get up right away ignoring the passing pain and track out of my room.

I see the familiar cans of beer I bought yesterday on the table. Two of them seem empty. I palm my aching chest with one hand while my messy bed hair with the other. Just then, my phone chimes. I quickly open the message and it’s from Baekhyun once again. It says, Are you awake yet? I begin stomping my feet in madness like I need to pee—I probably do too, for real, but I am way too preoccupied right now. My stomping turns into bunny hops while nibbling on my fingertips.

What do I say?

What am I supposed to reply?

Oh my god, what do I call him?

How do you do this thing?!

I stop hopping for a second to fan myself. Well, that’s some morning workout indeed. I pant heavily as I settle down on my couch. I still have time to freak out. If I am late at work today, who cares? My boss just assaulted me yesterday, technically, so he can’t complain if I am late because I have a boyfriend now—okay, not that I am blaming Baekhyun for possibly being late for work, but still. Also, I already talked to Kyungsoo’s mom and it was so relieving. She was so embarrassed and disappointed and said that she will talk to her son as soon as possible and make arrangements.

Honestly, I forgive Kyungsoo. But he’s not coming near me anymore.

I don’t mind working with him still, but he just can’t go near me again. That’s it.

Anyway, back to my boyfriend—oh my god, it feels so weird to even self-talk right now and call Baekhyun my boyfriend. I hold my phone with both hands as I decide on what to reply to him. I type in Hey good morning babe— “No no no, wait—no, that’s too much—we haven’t even discussed an endearment yet. He might feel weird.” I erase the initial text. Good God, what am I supposed to say? “You know what, I’m not going to overdo it for now.” I nod to myself in determination before replying a simple Good morning! and hitting send. Yup, I need to be hard to get because Baekhyun is very simple and I need to be calm about this whole thing. I cannot overdo it. I cannot—

My phone chimes for a reply. I look down at the message right away. He says I am looking forward to seeing you today. I blocked my six-thirty for your blowout so come here by then. I miss you. My jaws drop and I quickly cover my mouth to squeal. Why is he so straightforward about this whole thing?! I am freaking out. There is no hint of shyness from him at all, how am I supposed to survive my first day as his girlfriend when he’s already like this? I pat my throbbing heart while looking up to my ceiling. How is this happening in real life? Is this a surprise reality show entitled, The Lonesome Spinster Finds True Love, and this is nothing but a big gimmick for TV viewers?

Do I say I miss him too? I’m too shy though. I don’t want to come off as clingy on the first day. Although, I am really clingy I should have warned him about that. He shouldn’t be acting this way already; I might get used to this. You know what, I’m not going to reply for now. I am way too shy to respond to that and I also don’t want to give a dismissing reply just because I am shy so I will just wait it out. Also, I need to get ready soon anyway.

So, I take a quick shower and get dressed. For some reason, I find myself dressing up comfortably. Should I wear my most beautiful and most uncomfortable dress to impress Baekhyun on our first date? I don’t know, I feel like I should but at the same time, I really want to enjoy the whole night with him and not be tugging and pulling on some dress the whole time, right? He doesn’t make me feel … insecure about what I look like in front of him. Also, he didn’t really tell me where we’re going so I don’t want to overdress or underdress. It needs to be just right. In the end, I wore a floral lacy blouse and some white skinny pants. It’s still girly but it’s also comfortable to wear. It’s very hot lately and the days are longer so it’s better that I don’t sweat buckets and be a mess beside my first boyfriend. Right?

Or wait, should I just come home really quick later before coming to the salon? I should probably do that, right? I mean, I’d want to freshen up before seeing him. I don’t want to come to our date smelling like coffee and whip cream and pastries—although, that’s not a bad smell, I must say. “You know, whatever, I will just come back later.” I take off the blouse and pants again and wore a simple shirt and jeans that I usually wear for work. Yeah, why didn’t I think of this earlier? It just makes sense to freshen up before a date! Byun Baekhyun has, like, the freshest, cleanest, and manliest smell ever. I need to level that.

Oh my god, I am so nervous and excited.

Mostly excited, actually.

I go through my shift as always but with a surprisingly brighter mood. My staff commented about that a lot today. It completely distracts me from the awful things that happened yesterday. Also, there was no sighting of Do Kyungsoo today which is good. I am yet to find out what is going to happen from this day forward. I am betting his mom’s going to make his older brother take over for the meantime while he takes a “vacation” or I don’t know, there could be a lot of possibilities.

The rest of the day, I didn’t really receive much more text messages from Baekhyun. That’s understandable though. With his job, he can’t be playing with his phone all the time. He’s a busy man, I know. I’d love to get more word from him but I can’t complain. I can barely believe that he actually wants me, so what is there for me to complain, right? Stay mature, Shim Dohee. Stay mature because your boyfriend is mature—OH MY GOD, I am still fangirling over calling him my boyfriend.

How is this even possible? I can’t wait to tell my parents. It’s either I get no reaction at all or too much reaction. There’s no in-between when it comes to my parents. Speaking of which, I should probably visit them soon. I’ve been way too busy with my love life that I haven’t even the best daughter. Well … when was I ever the best daughter for them anyway? If I was Kim Taehee, it’s possible. Definitely not Shim Dohee for them.

However, none of that matters right now because I am going on my first date with my first boyfriend today. I shut my locker closed as I grin eagerly. I am done for the day and I’m gonna go home, take a shower, get dressed and go for my hair appointment slash pick up my boyfriend from work, I guess? It’s still so weird. I should have probably just tried to do my hair to surprise him. I doubt I’d ever surprise him with my hairstyling skills though, I’d terrify him instead.

I gather all my things and called it a day. I make a quick trip to my apartment to do what I have to do. For the first time, however, I hesitated when I reach the part where I have to choose my undergarments. Does it … matter? Do I even have a set of undergarments that doesn’t shout I-am-single-forever-and-i-am-never-going-to-have-any-ual-experience-ever-in-my-life-like-seriously-never? I gasp when I find an unopened pack of a lingerie set that I got as a gift from one of my co-workers two years ago.

Yes, two years ago and unopened. Nice, Shim Dohee.

Should I … wear it? I doubt we’re gonna go there yet. I mean, Baekhyun said we’re gonna take it slow. That’s what he means, right? Slow, as in, not going there yet? But what if we go halfway there? Or like ten percent there? Or like … five percent there? In all of the possibilities mentioned, I still need to look presentable in that way, right? I mean, you never know what could happen in a halfway, a ten percent and a five percent there. It suddenly reminds me of last night when we ended up making out on my couch. That was an insane experience. I never knew a hard peepee felt like that. It’s so weird. It scared me for a second until … it started for some odd reason that I cannot explain. It’s like, I did that to him. I caused that. Me. Shim Dohee. I made a man have a hard-on. Like … HOW EXACTLY? I glare at myself in the closet mirror as I open the set of lingerie. It’s just a matching pair of pink lacy bra that seems to have a much smaller cup size than what I have and thong. Oh my god—how do you even wear this thing? This is like shoelaces skillfully tied together to form a random shape but instead of tying it to your shoes, you tie it around your kitty cat.

“Oh god, do I shave too?” I look at myself in terror before glaring back down to the thong. I pace in my room for a moment as I decide on what to do exactly with myself. I never had the urge to do these things for a date. Why is that?! Why is Baekhyun making me think like this? At this point, I seem to want it more than he does. This is so unnatural of me. I feel like a changed woman and, again, we’re not even there yet.

Like, I used to only care about wha