PLAYLIST: “Say Yes,” Loco, Punch

BAEKHYUN

I am not looking forward to it. Not at all.

I know how Dohee is. I’ve known her for so long. I’m not even sure how I managed to give it a shot. She wouldn’t say yes to it, I already know it. Yes, I am capable of getting in there and just dealing with that I might hear and feel but … I could really use some support—even from one single person. Just one. That could have been Dohee but I also understand her personality, it’s not her fault. Besides, even if she didn’t have trouble with socializing, I’d still be affecting her work by asking her to go. My family hometown is in Busan and I am almost positive that I’ll end up either taking a train which takes about two hours or I drive for about five hours.

Either way, I might have to check-in in a hotel because the party starts at night time and there’s no way I could get back the same night. Also, I doubt my family would let me leave just like that. There’s a possibility that they might ask to spend more private time with me—also not looking forward to that. It’s been a while and I miss all of them but what I do not miss is how they see me as a person. Experiencing it through phone calls is so much better because I can hide my facial expression from them. In-person, I can’t. I need a distraction. I need … moral support from someone who sees my good side.

I need Dohee.

Only she can make a difference in me. But sadly, I doubt that’s going to happen.

To my surprise, however, on such a tiring Thursday night, I see myself standing in front of Shim Dohee as soon as I leave work. The color on her face was washed out and a nervous smile attempts to cover it. “Hey, are you here to book an appointment?” I ask, briefly glancing through the glass inside the salon. Yeonji spots my eyes and she lowers her head politely as if also expecting Dohee to come in any minute to book. “Uhm, want to—” She clears when her voice cracks. “—coffee? Want to have coffee with me?” She finally invites.

Oh, that’s too bad. I require myself home time after every work shift. It’s like survival for me. I need to see my home and do my routine relaxation to feel better. I’m going to have to decline her, as much as I like her. Also, I am doing laundry today. “I’m afraid I need to get home, I need to do my laundry.” I kindly decline, openly showing her a guilty expression. “What about coffee at your place? So, you can do your laundry while we talk? I mean if that’s … okay.” She suddenly suggests, inviting herself to my place.

I feel myself shiver for a moment.

A visitor in my home. Shim Dohee in my home. I feel very conflicted, somehow. One thing that I dread and another that I dream about. What does she need to tell me that we absolutely have to be alone? I blush from the thought and I look away as soon as I catch myself. “Is it something you can’t tell me right now?” I ask. She giggles nervously while scratching her neck. “Well, I might need to be drinking some caffeine while trying to find the right words. I am making a decision as I go, you know.” She laughs again.

I give in. “Okay, well, let’s go to my place then.” I finally agree and gesture her to follow me to my car. I never thought I would ever welcome Shim Dohee in my home, am I dreaming?

The drive to my place felt like an eternity, I didn’t know what to feel. Excited or nervous? It could be a combination of the two. “We’re here,” I announce as I turn to the underground parking lot. “Wow, you live here? Apartments here are so expensive. I tried to look here before too but it’s too much.” Dohee comments with an amazing smile. As I didn’t know how to react to that, I humbly smile at her. “Yes, it’s a bit on the pricier side but they have a good view on the balcony and a kitchen island which I prefer to have,” I reply.

I see her looking at me as I park the car. “You rent, right? Or did you actually buy your place here?” She asks. I wonder why she’s curious about that? Not that I mind. “I rent, why?” I ask back. She shrugs her shoulders and gave me a solemn smile. “I don’t know, I just … I always see people our age buying their own place. I thought I was alone in renting.” I sigh back. She has all these very stereotypical beliefs that I know her own family must have planted in her head. I lean on the seat after I take out the keys off the engine. “What’s the point when I know, later on, I will settle down with someone and buy a more permanent place, right? No rush. It’s my life, I like to be ready on my own time. I don’t try to pressure myself because of what society thinks I need to have at this age.” I explain, hoping to knock some sense into her again.

Finally, I see that usual grin from her as she turns to me again, her fingers already hugging the door handle. “You’re the best.” She compliments before getting out first. I follow the gesture and hop out of my car. I can’t help but smile at what she just said. I love it whenever she shows me she likes me back. I know she likes me back; she just doesn’t know it yet. I’m in no rush, however. I know very well and I don’t want to do or say anything that might scare her away. That’s why no matter how much I just want to take my chance and tell her everything, I don’t do it. I’m moving along her own pace because she deserves to experience how to figure all these out herself without me having to influence her.

She’s a very impressionable lady, you know.

That’s why I’m very patient with her. That’s how much I like and respect her personality.

I lead her to the elevator and we go up to the third floor, my floor. The elevator ride was pretty silent as if she’d gone back to her previous nervous demeanor when she came to me. I know she’s going to decline me and she’s too nice to do so. But she has to, I’m not going to get mad. I need to assure her that I will not be upset with whatever she tells me. She’s a lovely lady with a pure heart and I never intended to pressure her into it. I was just desperate myself. Now I feel pretty bad for having to put her through it.

We get to my place and I open the door for her, letting her in first. I hear a sigh of amazement from her. “Wow, I feel even more insecure about my own apartment now. You’re so clean.” She covers half of her face before turning to me. Again, I don’t react much. It’s not really something I need to be overly proud about, it’s just the way I am. I place my keys on the entryway tray and walk ahead to the living room. I gesture her to sit. “So, what do you want to drink? I