PLAYLIST: “Heartbeat,” SURAN

DOHEE

All the mental and physical preparation is done. How the fudge did the time go by so fast? It felt like it’s only been two days since I agreed to be Baekhyun’s big date at this big thing in Busan. Am I really actually truly certainly definitely truthfully prepared? Hm, I feel like I’ve used up everything in my mental thesaurus to ask myself that one question that I’m just a redundant mess at this point … but I’m still not quite sure. To be such a handsome man’s date for that type of party, I need to be pretty first. I went on a huge starvation diet for the past two weeks that I feel like I’d end up eating like a horse at that party.

Despite that, I only lost a whopping kilogram. Wow, good job Dohee. Okay, for sure, I’m not obese or anything like that but I do have some rolls here and there, more like saggy skin I’d say. I guess diet won’t really solve that, I should have worked out instead.

But work out is for cool people, I ain’t one of them.

I dread seeing my dress. Actually, Baekhyun took me to a shop to get measured two weeks ago but I didn’t really try out anything. I don’t like fitting clothes and then feel absolutely disgusted with myself after. I hate shopping for new clothes—unless I’ve bought that same exact thing before and I don’t need to try it on and be required to look at myself in the mirror. I told him he can take care of it, as long as it fits me. I don’t care about what it looks like, anything would look absolutely atrocious in me anyway.

Anyway, I am not getting ready for this big five-hour drive with Baekhyun.

I do not recall ever being alone in a car with a man for that much period of time, aside from my father when we drove for the whole day when I was looking for a place to move in—then again, that’s very different because we were mostly going in circles. This one’s more like a highway type of thing; it should be less dizzying. Also, Baekhyun’s car is honestly my new favorite place. He doesn’t put that weird-smelling tree whatever-looking freshener that isn’t fresh in any sort of way, personally speaking. His car smells so fresh and clean; it almost smells like a hospital? I feel safe and healthy in it for some reason? Or is it just Baekhyun that I smell? Ugh, I don’t know anymore, his apartment smells the same so whatever.

I grab my favorite lavender—my favorite color—backpack that I only use when I go on trips. In short, I’ve never used it. Not once. I just actually removed its tag today and I believe I bought it last Christmas. Wow, I’m so proud of myself. “Ooh, heavy.” I chuckle to myself as I walking out of my room. I check every corner of my apartment just to make sure that everything is off and unplugged, I’ll be away for two days after all. Once I’m satisfied enough, I leave. Baekhyun had already texted me that he’s downstairs—early as a bird, like always. I get to the lobby and I am surprised to see him there waiting.

I wave my hand as I approach. “Oh? Why didn’t you just wait in the car? I said I was coming down.” I ask in confusion. Instead of answering, he gestured me to hand my backpack to him. “I figured you brought clothes good for one week. I’m right.” He takes my bag and walks headfirst. I smile in guilt before following behind. Time check, it’s only six in the morning and we are hoping to get there by around noon so that we have plenty of time to get ready, especially me.

Honestly, I’m not looking forward to the makeup part, I am terrified of what I am going to look like. I never look good in makeup so I already feel bad for the makeup artist that he hired. He’s about to waste his money but whatever, not my money. Although I do pay him whenever I go to the salon so technically it’s also partly my money—okay, I need to stop my brain for a second. “Uh, Baekhyun—have you eaten yet? I haven’t eaten yet.” I inform him with a big pout.

He stares at me for a matter of seconds before driving off. “Where do you want to eat first before we get on the highway.” He asks. “No eating in my car so no drive-thru.” My face fell even more and turn to him again with an even bigger pout. “I won’t make a mess, I promise. I want to get to Busan soon so let’s not stop. Please? Pretty please? Drive-thru McDonalds would be great.” I clasp my hands together as I plead like a child. It rarely works, not even to my parents, so I highly doubted he’d give in but to my surprise, he shows me a defeated face. “When you pout like that.” He makes a U-turn skillfully with one hand and I watch him in awe, for some reason. “I don’t see the point of arguing.” He finishes his sentence and that’s when he noticed my stare.

Oh god, for one second, I almost thought he was straight.

I place a hand on my chest and feel it pounding hard. I shake the thought off my head and focus on my phone. “So, do you have any ideas for your hair later? I told you to show me some pictures.” He then asks me, as if we’re in the salon. “Yeah, do me however you like, I trust you,” I answer nonchalantly. I honestly don’t know what will look good in me so leave it to the expert, right? Baekhyun suddenly starts coughing tremendously that I just had to give him the bottled water that I brought for myself. “He—hey, are you alright? You choke on your own?” I hand him the opened bottle and he drank on it.

He eventually calms down and hands me back the bottle, his widened eyes still glued to the road. “Sometimes, you need to be a little aware of the things you say because—forget it.” He shakes his head, a chuckle finally escaping his mouth. “What did I do?” I raise my eyebrows before mindlessly drinking from the same bottle. I realize it a little too late after two sips. Oh crap. My eyes turn round as I replay what I just did. Baekhyun just drank on this bottle and then I drank on it soon after. I frantically close the bottle before putting it back to the cup holder beside me.

What did I just do?

Isn’t that like … an indirect kiss?

Oh my god—am I going to lose my precious first kiss on a bottle?!

“Don’t worry about it, I was just kidding. You didn’t say anything wrong.” Baekhyun speaks, obviously reacting to my terrified expression at the moment. “Dohee?” He calls my name and I feel the shiver running down from the neck down to my lower back. Please someone tell me that doesn’t count as a kiss? It doesn’t, right? It’s not like I literally tasted how his lips tasted just because I drank on the same—I DEFINITELY TASTED HIS LIPS, I MUST HAVE TASTED HIS LIPS BECAUSE IT WAS SECONDS AWAY. Good God, is Byun Baekhyun my first kiss?

A snap of fingers wakes me up from my inner meltdown. I turn to him and thankfully, his eyes were still focused on the road, in case I am red as a tomato. “What do you want? We’re here.” Baekhyun asks and that’s when I realize we’re already waiting in line for the drive-thru. “Uh, just one of their—one of the uh—Sausage and Egg McMuffin and that’s it, really. I have water—uh, this—this water, I guess.” I managed to stick to my not-so-diet diet and only get one thing. I stare down at the bottle of water on the holder again and contemplated. I don’t want to waste it and it’s already too late for me to avoid it. I already drank on it, should I just let it go and move on from that little accident?

Shim Dohee, it’s just a shared drink—it’s not a big deal.

Definitely not a … kiss.

You’re friends. Friends could kiss … sometimes … occasionall