PLAYLIST: “Daydream,” Cosmos Hippie

DOHEE

I am pleasantly surprised by how this night came about. Oh my god, Baekhyun is actually quite relaxing to be with. No stress, no pressure. I didn’t feel the need to keep on checking if my hair or my outfit looked okay. It really is always nice to go out with a friend without any malice. I don’t have to pretend, I don’t have to act a certain way for me to be liked, I don’t have to mask who I really am—which isn’t very likable to any man.

However, he finally kind of disclosed his ual preference. We never talked about it before so I was shocked. He wants me to guess. I bet it must be hard for him to just easily come out, but in a way, he kind of confirmed it to me. ‘You think I’m gay? Guess what?’ That’s pretty much what he told me.

It probably goes like, ‘Guess what? You’re correct!’ but he’s still too embarrassed to say that. I want him to eventually see that I will never judge him. I accept him fully and that he’s my very good friend. It was so easy to just tell me if he wasn’t gay or that I was wrong but he didn’t do any of that last night, clearly, he didn’t deny nor confirm which always tells me it’s true. Also, men have this distinct masculinity that makes them very self-protective about their preferences. If they were straight and were accused of being gay, they’d say it right away to clear the misunderstanding.

He obviously didn’t do that; he was very calm about it. So, there’s only one answer to that and that is … he is. I feel blessed that he can be comfortable with me about that, somehow. He’s a very sweet friend—if I didn’t know he was gay, I’d think he liked me as a woman. He was very affectionate in his own way last night, very caring in subtle ways that only I can feel.

We didn’t have a lot more to talk about but it was still nice. Our dinner went great, he was pretty much a silent eater—or silent in general. My bubbliness kind of balanced that out between us. He’s a good listener and I love to spill out my guts to good friends, just perfect.

Anyway, I’m on my way to work now. It’s an early shift for me today and I am opening. “Oh? Who opened?” I mutter to myself when I arrived at the café, the door was already unlocked. However, the lights around were still not set up. It’s still an hour away from opening so it gives me more time to set up. But who opened up? I walk through the counter and into the staff room. As I pass by the manager’s office, I spot someone in there. I get alarmed right away so I pushed the door open.

“Oh, sir—what are you—” I pause immediately when I finally had a full sight of him. He was seated on the loveseat across my tiny office table, his back bent all the way down until his elbows were on his knees. His eyes glued down to something he was holding in his fingers. “Sir.” I walk in and that’s when I see the shiny object in his hands, a ring. “Sir, are you okay?” I place my hand on his back and that’s when he finally looked up to them. His eyes were red and swollen, he’s been crying. My heart ached at the sight of him.

He looked away with a bitter smile as he wiped the tip of his nose while sniffing. “Sorry, I just—I didn’t know where to hide. I might have stayed here all night, but don’t worry … I just opened up. I managed to close it last night, still.” His voice was hoarse as he chuckled. Oh my god, is it what I think it is? I look down at the ring again but I didn’t know how to ask. Should I even ask? “Sir, I—is it—can I ask what happened?” I say and that’s when I see tears glistening in his eyes as he smiled.

With one hand, he covered his mouth and suddenly started sobbing. I don’t think I have ever felt this kind of ache over someone who’s crying. Without thinking, I pull him in for a hug. I feel him come closer, his face presses down my shoulder and I feel the fabric of my shirt getting wet of his tears. I look up to suppress my own tears that have already built up in my eyes. I can’t cry right now, he needs me. “It’s over. I don’t know what happened to change her mind—she doesn’t want it anymore—Dohee, she left me.” He cried awfully against me and that’s when I couldn’t hold my tears anymore.

This is the first time I have ever been this close to him, let alone hug him. But somehow, I didn’t like it. I was in so much pain seeing him this way.

Just then, I hear the entrance of the café open. I briefly let go of him and peeked out. It’s some of our staff. I quickly shut the door of the office closed and locked it before going back to him. “Sir, the others are here. Do you want to stay here alone? So that I can help them open?” I kindly ask. He was silent for a moment before he looked up. “I d—don’t know if this is too much to ask but … can you just stay here with me for a while?” He asked and looked away as if he was embarrassed by even saying that. I carefully sit myself down beside him and hesitantly placed my palm against his back again, gently rubbing him for comfort.

I wipe the tears that ran down my cheeks. “Of course, sir.” I could feel his pain and it hurts me just as much.

For the next half an hour or so, we just stay there in silence. He cried and I held him close to me. I’ve never seen him this way before—let alone not see him smile even for a second. I never thought I cared about him this much until now. I always thought my crush was simply just a crush, that it can never be beyond what I feel every time I see his face or every time I feel him close.

This was … more than that.

More minutes passed and eventually, one staff knocked on my door. Kyungsoo quickly wiped the remaining tears on his face before turning his head away. I walk over to the door and peeked my head out. It was Sora, one of the baristas. “Miss Dohee, is everything alright? Sir Kyungsoo’s car is here, is he there? I will open now—what happened?” She whispered very cautiously while trying to peek in. I block her sight. “Yes, we’re just having a meeting. You guys take care of everything out there, I need to stay here for a while. Okay?” I nod at her for assurance before closing the door again. I turn around and see Kyungsoo looking at me. “You can go back to work, Dohee. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine here. I eventually need to get going anyway,