PLAYLIST: “Stay Up,” Baekhyun

BAEKHYUN

I touch my lips, feeling the warmth that her lips have somehow managed to leave. I gaze at myself in front of the mirror, bemused at how red I have turned. After that episode, I had to excuse myself for the washroom. My heart brims with excitement as I allow myself to recall the feeling of her lips against mine, her closeness, her warm tiny hands on my cheeks as she drew me closer to her. Everything just starts making more sense.

I believe I might be in love.

I am way past the brutal process of my infatuation for her. This has got to be love … and her kiss could confirm that. It just did. I have been helplessly in love with my favorite client for the past three years. I feel no power left in my system as I take in the emotions with an open heart. However, a bigger part of me is more concerned about her. That would be her first kiss and she had to give it up in such an unconventional way—to rescue me. I wanted her first kiss to be special—something she would never forget.

I know. I know that it was all because of my father. The man succeeded in provoking even the kindest and the timidest woman I have ever known. She kissed me not because she wanted to, she kissed me to protest against my family’s judgments, to establish our little lie even more. I do not believe that’s something she’d call special—not something she’d replay in her head over and over like how I am doing now. Shim Dohee only deserves cherished experiences as she gambles herself in the romantic world for the first time.

Not … to help a friend. Not to help me. She should only receive her first memorable kiss with a man she’s in love with. How am I supposed to correct this? Either I turn back time—which is very very impossible—or I become a man she’s in love with.

The latter option couldn’t be up to me … or could it be?

I leave the washroom to get back to our table but to my disappointment, I don’t see a Shim Dohee. I approach the table anyway and my family looks at me. “Oh, bro. Dohee went out to get some fresh air, I think she’s feeling a little hot in here. She’s probably in the garden.” My brother tells me. Before I leave, I look at my father who refuses to look back. “Abeoji, you could hate and disrespect me all you want … but don’t ever do it to the woman I care about or we’re going to have a real problem,” I warn without faltering for the first time. I usually don’t waste my time defending myself when he hurts me but … I won’t stay quiet when Dohee is involved. Never.

He scowls at me, finally turning. “You’re really going to keep up with this lie? It’s obvious you two have never even shared a kiss. I could see the look in the lady’s eyes. I don’t think she liked it, son.”

My fist rolls in a tight ball. I feel a hand on my arm, it was my mom’s. “Just follow your girlfriend, I wouldn’t want her alone outside at this time. People are starting to drink here; I don’t want any trouble. Come on, go get her.” She gestures me to go. At least, I see genuine concern in my mother’s eyes. I look at them one last time before walking away. I am done with this. I am taking Dohee back to our hotel room. I’ve caused enough stress for her. I don’t want to make it worse and eventually drive her away completely. Byun Baekhyun, don’t forget that you need to be gentle with her, she’s new to a lot of things including what she just did for you.

I go out, deep into the beautiful garden at the back of the venue, and finally, find her. She’s standing in front of a fish pond with a gorgeous landscape. She stares in space while folding her arms across her chest. The night breeze and nice and fresh, not too cold. It really is good to be out here after all that. “It’s nice out here,” I speak and she jolts back, her head unstably turning behind to look at me. She only meets my eyes for a microsecond before looking away again. But it was enough for me to see her eyes sparkling with tears. Worry overflows my system and I make my way to her.

“Hey.” I reluctantly touch her bare shoulder to turn her. Although her body has faced me, her face remains in the same direction as she wipes her cheek. A shaky smile forms on her lips. “Sorry, I—I shouldn’t have—I don’t know what came to me, it’s just—Baekhyun, I—” She stammers in between heavy breathing. “Dohee, look at me.” I cup her face to make her look back. “I ruined my makeup, don’t tell Jiyeon.” She laughs as I wipe the damp away from her cheek with my thumb. “That was my first kiss!” Finally, she exploded into an ugly cry before crashing her face against my chest. She starts muffling gibberish, I try to understand word for word but I just couldn’t get sense out of it, not at all.

I pull her in for a hug, to comfort her. This is a natural reaction for a hopeless romantic like her, I need to be patient.

I need to … make it better for her.

“And the—then what if—what am I supposed to tell my first boyfriend? Oh, I neve—I never dated before but I’ve already kissed a boy! I’m a ! What am I going to do? Oh? My first kiss was triggered by an ogre! Not true love!” Her head leaves my chest and she looks up to me, still with her adorable crying face. “Ssh—Dohee, you’re not a—yah.” I can’t help but to smile now as I continue to wipe her tears. Wait, ogre? What ogre? Oh good god, does she mean my father?

I supress the urge to laugh so I pull her in a hug again. Thank God we are alone right now or people might think I’m being a jerk to this poor lady crying her guts out. Dohee pulls away once again and at this point, I could feel her fingers dead-gripping on my suit like a scared child. “Baekhyun, first kisses are supposed to be special—I ruined it. What am I supposed to do now, I’m so sorry—it’s my fault—I can’t believe this, I will never have a memorable first kiss anymore, might as well lose my ity to a ! I don’t even own one—oh my god, does that mean I have to buy one now, where do I buy it? Oh god, I’ve never been to a shop, I’m shy—what do I do now—how can I ruin all of these for myself—” She continues sobbing hard and this time, I had to cover .

“Dohee—ssh, people might think y—just relax first.” I hush her down. “Look, just look at me. Please, just stop crying for a second and look at me.” I lift her head and finally, her sobbing goes down. She blinks in between sniffles. I hate to see her cry but … she’s still so beautiful even when she’s crying. I look her in the eyes, just enjoying the sight of how especially brown they are tonight because of the lamp posts around the pond. Her makeup already had marks of tears on her cheeks and light smudges on the corner of her eyes but it doesn’t change how I see her.

“What?” She mutters, sounding as if she’s about to burst again.

I brush my thumb on her cheek again, my eyes scanning every inch of her. “If you’ll allow me.” I gulp hard as I gather up all the courage inside of me. “I can still try giving you a memorable first kiss.”

I watch her pupils dilate in surprise and wonder. Her lips tremble as she tries to come up with words. I couldn’t ignore the way her eyes slowly moved down to my lips and it drove me insane. Taking that as a silent yes, I tilt my head before pressing my lips against hers. I struggle to breathe for the first few seconds until I finally feel her bottom lip shakily planting on mine. And there’s no one else in this world but her. All I could feel is her. My body gets enclosed with this growing passion. Feathers and fluff stuffing my chest like a cushion. Her lips are tender against mine and I can’t help but press more.

For a second, I pull away and I feel her head moving closer as if she didn’t want to stop. “Just … just follow my lips, okay? I will take the lead and you follow me.” I breathe out and without further ado, I capture her lips, letting it slowly turn passionate. My feelings for her unfolds through the movements of my lips, growing twice as large.

I feel her struggle a few times but I allow her to explore, to move around me. Her grip on my suit never falters. I’m in love with this woman and I’m kissing her. I am giving her a memorable first kiss. This familiar yet new sensation grew a lump in my throat and I can’t seem to gulp it in. I am so into her. I could kiss her all day if she’d let me. My fingers wrap gently around her neck as I kiss her deeper and I hear her moan in my mouth. For a moment, I feel her pull away only to whisper with a hot breath. “Am I doing ok—okay?” Without verbally answering, I cup her face once more and capture her lips.

I don’t know what’s ha