PLAYLIST: “End of a Day,” Kim Jonghyun

DOHEE

Am I still alive? I am a human tomato. This is not real life, isn’t it? I feel absolutely different right now. A new kind of heat surrounds my entire body as I stare at myself in the mirror. I have never felt more like a woman before. Wow. Byun Baekhyun did something to me and I can’t even explain it in words. It felt so wild yet so sweet, I don’t know how he does that so smoothly every time. Never in my life have I moaned like that; it was definitely a first for me. It was purely involuntary; I couldn’t even help myself if I wanted to.

I have already freshened up but I could still feel myself getting wet all over again from simply replaying everything that Baekhyun just made me feel. I didn’t even know my body works like this at all until he showed me. Not only that, but the fact that I made him that hard again gives me a sense of pleasure like … I did that. If I knew what to do, I could have done something. What am I supposed to do? Maybe if he guides me into it, I’d figure it out.

I really … want to make him feel the same.

I want to make him feel as good as I felt.

But knowing my lack of experience and overall judgment, I know I wouldn’t do a very good job at it. I mean, if given a chance I will definitely try but I’m terrified to disappoint him. He is so good at pleasuring me that it’s making me nervous about my own non-existent performance. I finally grab the courage to leave his bathroom and I meet him right outside. He … changed pants. No grey joggers for the healing of my soul anymore. I wonder why he changed, it looked so good in him. Ugh, I wish he didn’t. A stupid smile forms immediately on my lips as our eyes meet. Without saying anything anymore, I walk towards him and slip my arms around him for a hug.

His chuckle vibrates on me as I drop my face against his chest. “How are you feeling?” I feel his warm hand the back of my head like I am his most precious gem. “I don’t want to tell you.” I muffle in his shirt and another laugh comes out of him. I finally look up resting my chin on his chest this time. He looks down at me and cups my face. “But you’re okay, right?” He asks, looking genuinely concerned. Ugh, he’s just so sweet, I can’t take it. I grin at him and I feel his hot breath when he sighs in relief. “Hm … what about you? Are you okay? Can I do something for you?” I nervously offer, praying that I don’t regret it.

I’m so bad at this, I can’t.

He doesn’t deserve such a clueless old hag like me.

To my surprise, he only gives me a more loving smile before leaning closer. “I need a sweet kiss from you, come here.” He puckers his lips cutely so I tiptoe to press our mouths together. I snigger through the innocent kiss before pulling away. He turns his body and throws his arm over my shoulder. He then drags me back to the couch. “You still want to finish the movie?” He asks. Oh, right. We were watching a movie, I completely forgot about it already. Honestly, I don’t even know if I still want to. We sit back down on the couch and I just throw my head more against his forearm before looking at him. All I want to do right now … is to cuddle with him. His arms are looking more inviting than ever with that muscle tee—I don’t know how many times a night I will be freaking out over it. “I don’t know, now I kind of feel sleepy,” I answer truthfully.

I mean, god, that was an intense experience I just had.

I need some sleep.

“Okay, I’ll drive you home. Come on.” Baekhyun doesn’t argue at all and stands up again, grabbing me along with him. “A—are you sure? Is there anything else you’d like us to do? Like … anything?” I try to turn to him as he gently pushes me to walk towards the front door. My back meets the door and he leans close to me. His eyes wander down around my face like he is scanning me. “Don’t worry about me right now, okay? We’ll get there slowly, I’m fine, sweetie.” He assures me before planting the softest kiss on either side of my cheeks. Oh my god, he just called me sweetie. Sugar, lots of sugar, fill up my entire body from that simple endearment and I could just die right here. To be honest, although I feel fairly bad, I also feel kind of relieved that he is not asking for anything in return. I mean … I need to somehow research about it very well first before trying anything.

I don’t want to be completely clueless when I do try it.

I want to impress him too.

Tonight has officially awakened the curious beast in me. I don’t know what he did to me but I sure as heck feel very different. I could sing Like A by Madonna right now, although I am an actual so that kind of defeats the purpose of the song. Also, I’m not even close to losing it yet. I think I am overreacting right now. But can you blame me? I mean this … magnificent creature in front of me just pleasured me with his magic hands down there and then tasted whatever the heck I released down there which to my surprise, was very alluring to watch him do. Oh my god, I feel my lower gut acting funny again as soon as I remind myself of the most previous events. “Okay, I sh—should probably get home anyway. I feel quite soaked … in my pants until now.” I whisper the last phrase and he lets out an airy chuckle, blowing off the loose hair hanging down my forehead.

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine like he’s in pain. Uh-oh, did I say the wrong thing again? Was that too much? Am I not supposed to comment on it? Oh my god, I’m scared. What did I do? He pulls away, finally giving me a smile. “Okay, noona. Before I completely lose it, let’s go.” He reaches for his keys on the key hooks and opens the door for me.

I step out first before facing him again but turns away to lock the door. I stare at his very broad shoulders. His manly physique that I go crazy for. I feel so safe in his presence, I feel … so beautiful when I’m with him. I have never felt this way before. I never even thought it was possible to find myself attractive. I feel like I am changing, in a good way.

He faces me again and quickly grabs my hand. “I thought we don’t have to end the night early?” I ask earning a laugh from him. He rubs his chin so charmingly while looking at me. “Noona, you just said you feel sleepy.” He argues back. Oh, right, I did say that. Ugh, I am too old for my own good. Why do I have to feel so sleepy at all times? “Yeah, but still … we could hang out more. I don’t mind.” I swing our hands back and forth, making him snigger in his other hand again.

I am going insane. I am sleepy but I want to hang out with him longer. This night flew by so quickly and so intensely that I just … want more of it. Of him.

Am I asking for too much? Is it way too soon for me to feel all these?

I don’t know if I am acting like a proper girlfriend or any kind of girlfriend for that matter. “I don’t want to tire you out too much. If you say you’re sleepy, it’s probably best that you take a rest and not force yourself and end up not enjoying your time as much because you’re tired. Right?” He tells me. I ultimately give in to his suggestion. He’s probably right anyway, like always. I may be older but this man beside me has a lot more sense than I do, so I should take his advice. I’m a bit reckless with my decision-making. He’s a gift from heaven. Everything is making sense to me whenever he’s around.

He’s a very good influence.

Amongst all other things.

So, he ends up driving me home and the short trip to my address felt like seconds. He pulls up in front of my building before adjusting his body on his seat to face me better. “Are you going to sleep right away?” He asks before reaching for my cheek. His thumb my jaw affectionately and I find the need to lean more to it. I smile like an idiot as I stare back at him. “I honestly don’t even know if I can sleep at all tonight. No matter how tired I am.” I laugh. He lifts his eyebrows coolly while nodding. “Well, welcome to my life.” He whispers under his breath as he looks away. I clearly heard it though so I nudge him on the arm. “What do you mean?” I ask.

We laugh together as he leans closer. “Next time … I’ll let you have your way with me, okay?” He whispers as our noses touch. I huff a struggled breath as I look down to his lips that are centimetres away from mine. “Okay, noona?” He adds, demanding an answer from me. I uselessly nod like a dummy. I am completely under his spell. I want to give him everything that I have. I am so into him, I never thought I could feel this many emotions for one person. He sensually kisses me on the lips as he slides his hand in my neck, like he always does, but it never fails to make me shiver. He pulls away too quickly and my bottom lip with his thumb. Ugh, he always does that too.

He has like … a trademark with things and you just can’t help but notice them every time. As if that’s exactly what he wants to happen. He wants me to remember every little thing that he does to me. He tugs for air as he nuzzles the tips of our noses together. “You’re so … ing hot.” He whispers and I never thought I’d ever find the F-work so hot, but I just did. It always scares me when people cuss but the way he used it in such a sentence is very alluring. Also, he doesn’t cuss that much either so it’s making me shiver in nervousness and excitement.

Seeing this side of him is very overwhelming, in a good way.  

I lean my cheek more on his palm as I smile. “I never heard you say a bad word before,” I comment frankly and he gives me the smuggest smile. “Well then, in advance, let me give you a heads up. Don’t expect me to use clean words when I’m doing dirty things to you.” He plants firm kisses on my cheek, my jawline and lastly on my neck. My mouth falls open from the fullness of his lips on my skin. He finally pulls away and pinches my nose before settling back on his seat.

I can’t help but look down there to check him out. He’s ... hard again. I could tell and it surprises me that I can even tell when I’ve never seen it before. But knowing that I have this effect on him is driving me stupidly insane. I