PLAYLIST: “Beautiful,” Baekhyun

BAEKHYUN

It has only been roughly ten seconds since the ferry started moving and my girlfriend’s face is already dipped into my chest as she holds her dear life on my waist. I’d say that I’ve never been squeezed this tightly before, I never even thought she had this kind of strength in the first place. But I find it rather endearing to be protecting her right now. We stand here right in the middle of the cabin while other passengers sit on the benches around us. I would love to sit too and look outside the large windows, wallow deep into my own thoughts while watching the summer waves hit the hull of the ferry.

But my girlfriend would never come close there. I look up towards the window with a pout. It looks so nice outside; some people are even taking pictures with the waves as their background. “Uhm … are you sure you don’t want to try looking at the water? Even just for a second?” I attempt to suggest the impossible. I earn a whimper from her while she stirs back and forth against me. “Okay okay—fine, I won’t push it, jeez so whiny.” I roll my eyes but I can’t help but laugh at her unceasing silliness. Well, I did promise her we were going to stay put like this for the next five minutes until we get to our destination. I should keep my promise the sake of sanity. Sneaking one arm away from her body, I take my phone out of my pocket.

I stretch my arm upright, angling the phone towards us. “What are you doing?” Dohee’s voice vibrates against my chest. I hit the capture button first before dropping my arm back to her hips. “I took a selfie. I mean, technically a couple’s selfie except my girlfriend is too scared to smile at the camera.” She finally breaks away from my chest, glowering up at me.  “I want to take one with you … we don’t have one yet.” She murmurs timidly, her lips pucking into a long pout. “Okay, let’s go towards the water and take a picture together.” I propose just to be playful.

Her eyes narrow even more and I just look away to laugh. Turning to her again, I lean lower to kiss her lips but she hides her face again on my chest. “There’s so many people.” She timidly whines. Aigoo, my shy girlfriend do not support public display of affection. That’s too bad, I love showing off my girl.

I look around us. To be honest, people are way too busy with their own business, I don’t think they’d care if a young adult couple kiss right here, right now.

I make a soft sound that makes her look up again. “You’re embarrassed to be seen with me? You don’t love me, noona? My heart is in pain right now.” I try to act cute and speak in a higher pitch. She looks at me in repulsion. “Why are you—that voice—ew, stop.” She grunts in between stifled laugh. I drop my mouth open to mock her. “You literally talk like that every single day.” I argue back.

She’s allowed to be cute and I’m not? Now, that’s unfair.

I catch her perfectly off guard with a peck on her lips. She squeals quietly before hiding on my chest again. I look around us with a stupid smile on my face. Some young fellas, girls mostly, are giggling at one corner while looking at us shyly. I ignore their reaction and look down to my girlfriend again. I press my lips on top of her head, taking in the sweet scent of her hair. Ugh, I love this woman so much. I want to show her off. I want to shout to the whole world how much I love her and how beautiful she is. I wish she’d just let me be proud of her.

Five minutes fly back swiftly and we are finally at the island. Dohee breaks free from me as she anxiously twirls around with her arms wide spread vigilantly, checking if we had really stopped. “Yes, you’re not imagining things. We’re here. See, was that scary?” I announce to her, her face lit up at me with a bright smile. I fling my arm over her shoulders to drag her out, letting most people go first before us. A beautiful stone fountain welcomes us as we tread along a wooden deck. Dohee points at the fountain like a child and starts leaping excitedly.

We are literally five seconds in and she’s already freaking out. I let her walk ahead as I follow behind. I’m so happy whenever she’s this happy. If making her happy was a career, I’d gladly make a career shift just to keep doing this. It has been one of the biggest things that gives my life color, her smile. This destination was the best decision for our first trip. I’m already looking forward to the next one. I find a stand that provides a map of the island and I grab two for the both of us. “Here.” I hand one out to her and she pouts. “I don’t know how to read maps; I’d still get lost.” She whines.

I roll my eyes before taking her hand. “Okay, then I’ll just have to hold your hand the whole time. I should have brought a leash with me then so I can walk you like a dog.” She scrunches her nose at me furiously before tiptoeing just to ruffle my hair into a mess. I tic my head away but I smile in response while I fix my hair.

I spot a Rent-A-Bike kiosk and I point at it. “Noona, you want a bike?” I suggest and she glares at the direction. “I do—don’t know how to bike, maybe let’s just walk.” She declines reservedly. Hm, well, I’m sure she’s still sore so that’s probably not a good idea anyway. Too bad, that would have been romantic to bike together. I wander my eyes around as I settle my hands on my hips. “Do you want … me to bike for you? Just get on the back?” She narrows her eyes at me and she sneers mockingly. “Oh my god, did you watch Winter Sonata too?!” She hops eagerly while covering with both hands.

Err, I don’t watch those kinds of shows, although I’ve heard of that, I believe.

I know that this place is known for that drama.

I guess … there’s a scene like that in the drama? I force a smile before shaking my head. Her shoulder drop in disappointment. “Yeah, why would you watch that. You were probably like … eleven at the time. I was thirteen when it came out and I watched every episode every chance I get. Everyone in my class did too. I’d even record it in our television so I can re-watch it, it was so good!” She tugs on my arm and shakes me. We continue to walk together until we get to the tree lane. “Oh! They walked along here too, in the drama.” She looks up to the tall trees with wide open in excitement.

I interlace our fingers together as I also look up, the sun peering through the greenness of the leaves. Pretty soon, these leaves would dry out and fall, that would have been so nice to see as well. “Have you heard of that story about the shadow land?” My girlfriend asks me, I give my full attention to her once again. I narrow my eyes as I try to recall a story similar to what she mentioned. Shadow land? I have never even heard of that. Dohee giggles hard and bites her bottom lip cutely while gazing at me with curiosity flaring in her eyes. Oh my god, she’s adorable. How can I resist kissing her right now? She’ll get mad though, there’s a lot of people walking along with us in this lane and it’s going to make her extremely shy. “No, I haven’t. Is that a real thing?” I ask earning a squeaky laugh from her.

“No, it’s a story that Joonsang told Yoojin in the drama while they were walking here. It’s about this guy who went to the land of the shadows. Everyone was a shadow so nobody talked to him. He was very lonely.” She looks ahead and smiles solemnly. “The story ends there, so short, right? But … when I heard about it the first time, as a thirteen-year-old teen, it made me think if … I was also living in shadow land.” Our eyes meet and I tighten my grip on her hand, squeezing her for assurance. “Everyone has always felt like a shadow to me … or sometimes, it even felt like I was the shadow just roaming around people who can’t see me.” She grins brightly but her eyes sparkle with tears.

She looks away and fans herself with one hand. “Aigoo, why am I getting emotional talking about a stupid story.” She sniffs sharply before smiling again. “But yeah, anyway, the main leading man in the drama really resonated with me at the time. He was a loner and you know later on, he got in a car accident and lost his memories to amnesia. He forgot everything, including his depressing past and became successful in life. When I was younger, I wanted that to happen to me too, hoping I’d be a different kind of person. Stupid, right?” She facepalms herself from simply recalling that dark story. “I wasn’t trying to kill the mood, I just really remembered that time; I know you’ve talked to me about stuff like this earlier. Sorry, I’ll stop.”

I exhale deeply before letting go of her hand. I stretch my arm over her shoulders instead before pressing my lips against her temple. “I wouldn’t want you to be a different kind of person though. I love you this way. Like I always say, you’re pretty weird and cool.” I assure her but she replies with a glare which quickly cracks into a mischievous smile. Sometimes, I wish I had met her sooner. I wish we became friends when we were young. If I could manipulate destiny, I’d meet her, befriend her the same way and encourage her to treat herself better. I’d be that one person who does see her amongst all the shadows around us, as to what she calls them. I will never get tired of making her see the beauty that she has inside and out. Everyone deserves to see it for themselves and be proud of it. Maybe the world would have been a better place if this happened to everyone, don’t you think? She then snatches one of the maps I am holding. “Let’s see here, how do you even—oh, there’s two more kinds of tree lanes here. Should we check them all out?” She breaks free from my hold and starts walking backwards, facing me.

I take my phone out and I start taking pictures of her. She covers her face with her eyes peeking through in between her fingers. “No, don’t hide your face.” I wave my hand sharply at her. “No! I don’t want to, I’m ugly. Stop, Baekhyun.” She whips her head away. I sigh as I look down to the pictures that I took of her. There’s two that I was able to take with her whole face on them. They were both candid and … just plain beautiful.

She doesn’t know what she’s talking about every time she calls herself ugly. I do not believe there’s a person who’s ever ugly. Ugly personalities, definitely. But face? None.

With no hesit